I had this big fight with my sister last night. She believes that because she's working that she has no time to call her father. But I know that she's not working all the time. I guess what I don't get is why she can't pick up the phone and call? It takes all but 2 minutes. On the way home from driver's ed one night after dropping Amanda off I had this discussion with my dad. I could hardly hold back the tears, even though it's not really my problem I felt terrible. He talked about how much he hurts him that his daughter doesn't even call. I kept telling him I would NEVER be like that, I would never be like her. And for me I have this weird feeling, this painful feeling. I guess it's just the thought. All these thoughts go through my head, like what if my dad was in the hospital would she even visit? I kinda played it out in my head as if it was happening and my reaction towards it. My reaction would be if my sister doesn't come visit her father in the hospital and he died (I hope the hell he doesn't) I would be soooo, I dont know.... I can't describe how I felt, but it was more than angry.... more than livid. I wish I could go back in time. Back when I was 4 or 5, when I could sit on my dad's lap, when he could tell me I can be whatever I want to be, back when I was scared my dad could hold me and I felt safe. I miss being called daddy's little girl, because now I'm just daddy's girl. I guess I feel the way I do because of stress and I am scared and I need those re-assuring touches. I'm scared of what lies ahead, my future, my families future. Example: ever since I found out that my dad has MS, I've wondered is he gonna live long enough to be able to give me away on my wedding day? Is he gonna be able to give me advise when I need it. Only time will tell I know, and that's what I'm so scared of. I guess I'm scared of life.