4 . o4 p.m. oh, look at all the lonelyy people where doo theyy all belong? anywayys. so this saturdayy... we're supposed to go to the mall. me and holli. to meet kaden there. and his two friends: nathaniel && supaflybrian. it will be FUN if holli can go. she might stayy the night on fridayy night. which means she will get to ride the bus home with me. which would be uber fun! we're probablyy not going to actuallyy buyy anything. just go to hang out. shanti was like "who goes to the mall to hang out? you do." i lol`d. hehe. i love that bxtch. holli = myy wife. dont be jealous. i am colddd. ]: stupid snow. but at least myy room is clean. [: haha im so sillyy~~! alright well i'm going to go find something more productive to do, i suppose. hahaha. me. productive. i can be so funnyy sometimes! bye.

8 . 10 p.m. it hurts to know youre the best ive got && the best ill have so todayy. was reallyy great. i was debating earlier whether or not to call kaden. but i didnt. i chickened out. hehe. most of todayy was fun. especiallyy lunch because get this kaden hung out with me. maybe he'll remember how much fun i can be... and then he`ll hang out with me more haha. anyywho. so gregs a funnyy kid i found out hahaha. oh myy hell. in german we were learning how to sayy stuff in german and bethanyy raised her hand and said "mein bruder leibt katja" which means "my brother loves katja" and katja is the german name i picked for myyself. i swear i turned red. kaden didnt hear it tho. haha. she said he cut myy picture out of our year book from last year. and i was like "but i thought that tyson went to white pine last year" and she said "no he went to cedar ridge" and i was like ohemgee thats a bad picture of me! it was hilarious. good times. well im gonna go gossip with my holli bear/wifeyy. byye. ily.

10 . 37 pm If love is stupid, I stupid you. So Jake met us at the corner today. Hm. I suppose I'll start with tonight. Meriam and I went down to his house at around...3 or 4. And so seeing as its getting to be winter, the sun was already getting ready to set. Anywho. We got there and we were skating around and Jake comes out and stands there and we're talking to him out on the corner outside his house. So the sun starts to set and it starts to get extremely cold, and I'm the only one not wearing a jacket. And then he offers his jacket to me cause he's "not actually that cold." So I put it on and not only is it warm, it smells wayy good. I tell him that and he says its just his spray. Haha. Then he was like, "My hands are actually quite warm...here, feel." And so I hold out my hand and he takes it in his and yeah, it was warm. Meriam was just like, "Oooh lalaaa." Hehe. So yeah, then we go back home and our hands are freezing and stuff. Then today at around 3, we go down and wait for him just at the corner at the end of my street and then he comes up and sits next to me. He was kind of being mean-ish. Not really badly but a little. He said I looked like I could be one of his 12-year-old sister's friends. That made me a bit sad but oh well. Meh. Thats about it, cause I dont want to go into my Thanksgiving. x] Not right now. K, bye. ♥//sharpie. [ tears ]

5 . 08 pm And by protecting my heart truely...I got lost... So. There's not really much to say. It's been like an emotional rollercoaster, this past month. I've had weeks where I was ecstatic over everything, and weeks where I felt lower than dirt. Colton and Shelby got back together. Way to lead a girl on, kid. I dont know. Maybe I didnt even like him as much as I thought.... Anyway, the most importan thing is: I still like B.J. Which sucks. Because that's just like a lost cause. My chance with B.J. is like...hold on while I think of a simile. Ah. My chance with B.J. is like a fly's chance of survival for a week. I know it sucks. Shut up. So yeah. No one comments me anymore. Which is why I dont update much. Comment me kids. I fell down the stairs today. ("Smooth, Chels.") I was on like the last two steps and I slid down them onto the hard tile floor and like bruised my hip and hurt my elbow, knee, and finger. It hurted. ;~; B.J. sits behind me in Math. o= He's so funny. But yeeeah. OH em gee. I almost forgot to mention: My parents left for two weeks to go to Barcelona. I might have people over on Friday (probably not since only Ian wants to come) and then on Saturday I'm going to my friend's little sister's friend's birthday party. We're just going for the DDR. o= Haha, kay, well, bye! ♥//chelly

10 . 43 pm A stranger with a door key... I seriously need more sleep. I'm beginning to get those dark-ish circles...only my daddy says that it looks like someone hit me. I gave him a hug today and said, "I love you," and when he said, "Thank you for being such a good daughter," I cried. But I didnt let him see. You see...I've been a horrible daughter. And it makes me sad to think that he deserves better of me and I just can't give it to him. And I just wish I could be perfect for him. Katherine hasn't called me in forever. And Jade doesn't talk to me as much anymore. Life has just been so against me lately...maybe it's all those chainletters I didn't send on coming back to bite me in the butt. Or maybe it's just that I'm a horrible person, and -that-'s come back to bite me in the butt. Damn you, Karma. ♥//sharpie

8 . 50 am They see me mowing. I'm at school. xP I love school. Sometimes. My friends and I are sending e-mails to each other and we're sitting right next to each other. One of my friends just told me I make everybody feel bad. D: I feel bad now. Anyway. I'm feeling sad for a reason I can't tell you, since there are people that could be readin this diary that I dont want to be reading it. It will have to wait until I can make a new diary. Bye now. ♥//sharpie

9 . 23 am It was your doom. So I went to Karlee's house earlier yesterday, and we played the sims for a while, until her sister came home and she said she'd call us when she could hang out again, so me and Jade went back to her house and just lounged around. We got ready for nightgames and then we went down to my house, and then Karlee came, followed by Miriam. Then I had to go nextdoor to eat, and then my dad caught me wearing makeup. I got grounded. So I texted Miriam and Karlee and told them I got grounded. I was SOO frustrated. I knew it wouldn't work, someway or another. UGH!! Maybe Riley and Kyle and Miriam and Jade and I can play nightgames next weekend. ♥//sharpie

9 . 12 am I love you and I loved you all along. There are things I wish I could say here but can't because my sister reads it. And believe it or not, I have secrets from her. It's possible I'll just have to make this a friends only diary... Anyway. So Kaden told us yesterday that he wants us (Miriam and I) to work at Jamba Juice with him. We're not 14 yet so we can't. He asked us when we turned 14, and we told him. Me, in June. Miriam, in May. He said, "You guys are young." Miriam said, "Yeah, you're sooo old, Kaden." Yeah. It was pretty funny. But he said he could like...imagine us behind the counter like me throwing the smoothie stuff to Kaden, who'd pass it to Miriam, who'd blend it. I'm thinking of applying sometime this June. Don't know if I'd have a ride, though. Maybe if Miriam ends up working there, I could catch a ride with her. So today Katherine, Kamran(Maybe), Ian and I want to go to Border's. Last time we went, we had a lot of fun, so we decided to go again. But Kamran's being a butthead so we don't know if we want to go with him. Oh well. I think I'm gonna go. Bye~ ♥//sharpie

5 . 42 pm And when you can't do it all... Thursday was the first day of school. It was so stressful. What happened was I left my schedule/locker combination at home. So I had to put my backpack in my friends locker and go to the office to get a copy of my schedule/locker combination. After 3rd hour or so, I accidentally put my duplicate paper in my locker, and locked it. So I had to go back to the office and get a copy of my combination. I memorized it from that. On top of it all, I couldn't have lunch because I supposedly left my lunchcard at home. When I got home, I realized I'd put it where I forgot I put it. So. Friday was a bit better. We had an assembly and Jade found me as I was coming in so we went and sat down. It was about preventing school shootings and such. You know, recognizing the warning signs and all. Jade and I spent most of the time talking about the Columbine Massacre and some other stuff, which made us laugh pretty hard but we were laughing quietly. Meh. I'm pretty excited for school on Monday. I really want more guy friends. KTHXBAI~ ♥//sharpie

5 . 10 pm They saved lives? They let others die. So today, my friend and I watched this Discovery thing on the Columbine Massacre in 1999. It was so sad! These two guys decided to bomb and shoot their school. One of them was more outcasted, but the other one had friends. He wasn't hated. But still, they took revenge on their school and killed innocent kids. Including a teacher that was trying to save them. All the while, police were outside, surrounding the school, and they never once made a gesture to go inside. "Oh, we saved lives!" they said. They didn't save the kids that died. It doesnt matter what they said. There's no excuse for it. I mean, I would have been scared too, but if I was a police officer, I wouldn't have gone into that line of work if I hadn't been willing to sacrifice myself for someone else, ESPECIALLY a kid. So now I'm scared to go to school this fall, because I've never heard anything good about the school I'm going to. The worst part was, these kids didn't get punished for it, unless you consider taking their lives punishment. I call it the easy way out. Just because they didn't make friends, they took it out on the students at their school. Whatever. It was just too depressing. I blame their parents and the media. I mean, they didn't even monitor their sons. Whatever. That's life for you. That's what the world is like, folks. Innit beautiful? ♥//sharpie

6 . 34 pm Lights will guide you home... So Jade practically broke up with me. She said She let me make her decisions for her, and also that she stopped liking me, and that she couldn't be me anymore. I mean, what the fuck. I never /tried/ to make any decisions for her, and I didn't understand why we couldn't just go on, making our own decisions but being friends still. So then she says she doesnt like me anymore, and thats when I stopped liking her. She was turning into an absolute whore, even before all this. So I text Karlee, and I was doing fun until my phone rang, and I started to cry. So she asked me if I wanted her to come down, and she did, and she talked to her on MSN and E-Mailed her. It was so hilarious. Because right before she got offline, she said "FUCKER." Good ol' Karlee. Anyway. So, to cheer me up, she took me to the fair. And we totally forgot about Jade. Little did Jade know, she'd just lost two friends. Screw her and her bitchiness. But then I couldn't stop thinking about him. And I was wondering what it would be like if he lived near me. And what if he could go to the fair with us? And then last night I spent the night with my phone in my hand, waking up every so often to look for it and check messages. I wonder... ♥//sharpie

8 . 31 pm Confused about how, as well... Okay. Long story for you. And yes, I am crying. So I got home from Joe'E's house, and Karlee came over, and then Jade came over. And as usual, they outvoted me and we had to play Mouse Trap. They kept being stupid and I let them, while still trying to keep to the rules, and whenever I said something they just sort of ignored it and started laughing at each other again. So I went quiet, knowing I could never say anything right, and they were like "OH ICE CREAM ICE CREAM" and I couldn't really stop them because they would get mad at me, saying I was being weird and so I told them to do whatever they wanted, and of course they did. So we finished the game and I started to blow bubbles but they just sat there, and then I danced for a while, trying to ignore them pretending to whisper about me. So I sat down and played music on my phone, and they didn't really try full out to include me so I didn't try full out to include myself. Eventually Karlee took my bubbles (without asking, as usual. I know it's just bubbles, but its EVERYTHING. She just...does stuff without asking) and blew them, and then she was blowing them on the tramp, and whacking around the wand, and so they told me to get on the tramp and I sat there, listening to them play a game, and then I sort of included myself again, playing with them, and then they wanted to order pizza to the kids up the street. So we did, and then I said "Last one off the tramp has to put the phone book away," and when it was Karlee, she got all pissed and said, "Why is it always me? I'm the one that always gets blamed," and I said, "You were the one that called," and she said, "No I wasn't!" It was true though, she had. So then she went off ranting about how I excluded her and was always saying, "Jade jade jade," as if she had read my mind and beat me to the punch. She was saying, "It's because you like her more than me." And I just sat there, wishing I could scream out my heart, but I held my tongue. "I try to hang out with you," she went on, "but you dont seem to want to." So really, she was turning it all around on me, after I had been the third wheel and held in everything I wanted to say to them. I had been the one that went off on my own. I had been the one that was excluded. I was the third wheel. And still she found a way to make me the bad guy. So I went in to put the phone book away, saying, "Well I'm obviously the bad guy here so I'll go put it away." And she got pissed, stormed off, and started off home. Jade ran inside to get her shoes and said, "I'LL MAKE HER STAY." And ran off after her. They both went home. Completely ditching me. And Jade is taking this retarded vow of silence. I think I should join her in that, since I can never be right. Not for my dad, not for my friends, not for anyone. I think I'm going to. At least against those two. I mean, Jade is having this barbeque and she invited Karlee before she invited me. And she didn't even invite me. Karlee did. Thoughtful, huh? Anyway, I'm getting choked up again, so...I should do something to take my mind off of it. Bye. sharpie.

11 . 22 pm But lead's just not permanent. YES~! SITDIARY WORKS AGAIN~!! Thank you Scott! I know, my page looks a little shitty at the moment. I'll get it looking nice again soonish. I love the background. ^-^; So my cousins just left. Stephanie's great and all, but we get sick of each other real fast. It's kind of good that she lives so far away. Believe it or not I'm actually a little excited for school to start again. I want to make new friends and meet new people and I deffinately want to go shopping. Here is a list of things I quite need. 1. New razor head 2. New digital camera 3. Bronzer 4. Eyeshadow 5. Gum 6. New watch batteries 7. Flip-flops 8. Pants 9. Dress/skirt 10. Shirt(s) And more but I just cant think of them right now. ♥//sharpie

1 . 31 am SHAWNIEEE OMG SHAWNIE YOU ARE SO RAD AND I MISS ALL OUR OLD DAYS WITH KIRKWOOD BECAUSE IT WAS A RAD SCHOOL AND THOSE WERE RAD DAYS AND I JUST WISH IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE WHAT YOU SAID IN THE COMMENT - WHERE NO ONE GOT IN FIGHTS AND NO ONE HATED EACH OTHER BUT THEN OF COURSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN IT WOULD HAVE HAD TO BE THAT NO ONE WAS BITCHES AND SKANKS BUT THEY WERE SO I GUESS THAT WAS INEVITABLE. KAY WELL GUESS WHATT! - I'M RAD - SHAWNIE'S RAD - I LOVE CAPS; THEY ARE RAD - ... LALA~! ♥//sharpie

12 . 56 am WUDAFXUP So today: woke up around two or so...got on the computer, talked to people, and then Teresa and I played DDR. Dad came home and left and him and mum want to see a Dave Hole concert. Of course, they came home early (about midnight) because Dave Hole canceled. I had called Manda at about 10:03 and we talked for almost an hour. 'Course it was free, so it didn't matter. It was very fun. She's very psycho and I love her. I didn't do much today. I was lazy and that's about it. DDR was my only excersize. I am truly addicted to the internet. I'm on it all the time, and when I'm not on it, I think about being on it. Oh well...passing phase? God I hope so. ♥//sharpie

3 . 07 am Sleepless nights... I can't sleep. So I'm staying up all night so that I will actually be tired tomorrow night, so I can go to sleep when I'm supposed to. I keep thinking my parents are waking up and are going to come up and yell at me for still being up. I didn't do much more today since I last wrote. Played more DDR, ate dinner, ate ice cream, did algebra, chatted with friends... I called a girl I met on gaiaonline named Manda. We became good friends and so I called her, and she said that her mum didn't know how far over the minutes were, and so she couldn't talk, but that she'd talk tomorrow. Well, tomorrow's come, and there's still a hell of a lot of tomorrow to go through. I think I am getting tired...but I can't sleep now. It's too late. Must keep awake...I'm hoping I can keep up with this diary more often now.... Not much else to say except to ramble...which I don't really feel like doing. I appreciate you guys so much for putting up with me...most of you. I'm such a pathetic mess. Hey look. Right now, I'm the only person on. Not surprising. Since it's 3.12 am. v.v Kay. Bye. Loves. ♥//sharpie

6 . 09 pm Summer's the time to lose your mind. I played DDR for a pretty long time. Not all at once, of course, for I would pass out from heat and exhaustion. But I did bump us up a few points. Tried Jade's - busy. Called Karlee - grounded. Katherine's off visiting her aunt and uncle, I think, and Stephanie's still on her way here. I talked to Jo online but we didn't really have any time to hang out with so... @Drumlinexbear: I tried to comment you back, but your diary is friends only. So if you come across this again, add me so I may comment you. Fank you for the comment. I didn't do much today. I scanned in my drawing that I made, but it sucks monkey butt. If you want to see it, comment me, and perhaps I'll put it in the next entry. I then played around on Photoshop while Teresa was at work. I didn't bother to put on music because she was already out the door before I asked her how to do it. Today was a lazy day. Don't you love those? I went to the Dentist today. They've added these TVs that are hooked to the ceiling and facing down so you can watch a movie while the dentist works on your teeth. So they gave me headphones, numbed my gums, and put on "Ice Age." I sometimes drowned out the adults talking, and I sometimes drowned out the movie to listen to the adults talking. So now my loose fake tooth is back in place and everything's fine. My gum hurt like no other when I left, though. An ibuprofen quickly cured that right up. And when I got home, I talked to friends and then wrote a chapter. The Eighth. I've gotten positive feedback from it so far. Don't forget to read [askthelovers]. Wonderful story. ♥//sharpie

11 . 37 pm Find him, find him. Tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters... I went over to Jade's yesterday, and her and Karlee and her mum seemed to be having a jolly old time and I wondered why they'd bothered to invite me. Perhaps because they thought they were being nice. I can actually imagine it right now. "We might as well just invite her over. It'd be the nice thing to do." Whatever. So I left after about an unproductive hour (we pretended we were like...pirates-ish and Jade was the ship and after a while they teamed against me. Figures) to go get my darling, dear sister from the airport. It was a tiring trip and so I slept most of the way there. When we were sitting in the free parking lot, I got a text from her, meaning she was on the ground. So we drove to park, and went in, and we got her, and we left. She's changed. Her blonde hair had been cut and layered, seemingly much thinner now. The underpart of her hair has been permanently dyed burgundy-ish. So we drove around looking for a place to eat, and finally settled on a restaurant in Ogden called "Bangkok Gardens" or something along those lines. I got sweet and sour chicken, which was excellent. We went home, and after a while went to sleep. Today I woke up and got on my new shirt Teresa had brought back and put on my brown skirt and then did my hair. Teresa invited me to go out with her and Mandy, and since I wasn't in the mood to feel left out in case Karlee and Jade did decide to call, I agreed and we left. We went to Wal-Mart, and I watched Mandy try on skirts while Teresa put some pictures on a CD. We then went to Coldstone to get some ice cream. I got a Watermelon Sorbet with some gummy bears mixed in, Mandy got a french vanilla with coffee in a waffle cone, and Teresa got a Citrus Smoothie. After a while Tersa and I switched because we liked each other's better. We then proceeded to go to the Persian Peacock (I stayed in the car, thank you) and I tried to call friends; no one was home/picking up. So I waited until they came back, and we went home. I went out and helped pick peas, and Teresa helped with making Stir Fry (which was excellent, by the awy). While she helped with dinner, she let me on Photoshop and I made some wicked-ass pictures. After dinner dad said we could go to Freddy's and get a TV, because the one downstairs broke. We went and couldn't find the one we wanted but we got another good one and got it instead. So when we got home, Caleb called, and Teresa of course would rather talk to her boyfriend than play DDR with her sister. =P Anyhow. So I played about three or four rounds of DDR before I realized I was too hot and bothered to go on. I'll do more tomorrow. So then I chilled and ate ice cream and watched The Simpsons and got on the computer and now I'm writing this long, boring entry to you. Enjoy. =3 ♥//sharpie

7 . 57 pm Hide the rum. I wish I didn't have writer's block. I have a couple of great fans of my story that are dying to read the next chapter. Too bad I haven't thought of it yet. If you'd like to read it, the first seven chapters as well as the prologue can be found here: Supernova. My phone's battery is being sucky lately. I've been charging it for like a week, and I talk to someone on it for like 5 minutes, and the battery dies. The service sucks, too. I think I like...broke my phone. T_T At least it still works. Too bad I did 400 texts last month. Dad exploded. Not surprising. This is surprising, however: he gave me a month to prove that I could be responsible enough to keep the 250 text deal. So I really hope I can. I saw Pirates with Katelyn. She slept over two nights and left yesterday. She's gone back to Washington. I shall miss her, but maybe it's for the best. We argue a lot, and we were growing apart. Hopefully she'll find great friends. Anyway. Pirates was teh secks. ♥♥♥ Like Chelsea said, Keira K. did look smashing even trying to be a boi. Gr. And Jack looked simply stunning with his six other eyes. And I KNEW it would be Barbosa. If you haven't seen it, I apologize if I just ruined a little bit of it for you. My recommendation: go see it right away. Mmtay. Well, I'll go now. Bye. ♥//sharpie

3 . 20 pm There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses... ShitDiary is pissing me off...again. Katelyn moved. And Karlee and Jade think I've been acting weird. But maybe it's just because they've barely started to notice what a horrible person I am, and think it's new. Well, news flash. It's not. So anyway, they've both gone camping. Supposedly not together. I suppose I believe them. I guess I'm just paranoid. Another to add to my huge pile of insecurity. So I forgot to give my parents a message that I heard on the answering machine. More yelling. Katherine's gone and I don't know when she gets back. Stephanie is the only one I really really want to be here right now. Or Shawnie. But she doesn't get here until the 26th, and Shawnie won't be coming. Stupid air fare. Teresa's still in New Zealand. Comes home in 10 days. Or so. I miss her. I am going to try as hard as possible not to annoy her. Stephanie, please just come. I'll meet you halfway. You're the closest I have. EVEN though we have our quarrels, I still love you. And I miss you really really lots. D= GET HERE SOON! Gahh... God, could you give me some...pastime? Like how about making Katherine coming home because I want her to be here, too. So. I'm a paranoid, weird, talkative, mumbling, clumsy, annoying freak. Who says I dont enjoy it? ♥//sharpie