sigh, no matter how many good things happen, i always get bummed. usually coz not very many good things happen and following them are many bad things. yay. well like valentines day actualy wasnt nearly as bad as i had anticpated. infact it was pretty good! and yet here i am....wallowing in self pity thinking about all that has gone wrong. and all that can go wrong. all that will never be, etc. o dear god i wish i knew whether or not there was still a chance for me and him or not. hmm....severely doubting it. but i wish i knew. i just dont wanna waste my time, it hurts too much. o god it hurts. hurts to be alone, hurts to see him alone, hurts to think that the one chance i had at potential happiness is slipping away. o god everything just....hurts. im gonna cry or something, and i have a headache, ow. kill me please.