wow who goes threw boyfriends like theres not tomorrow dumped that last one cant trust him now have one ive talked to for about a year now and its pretty nice im not going to say much bc i dont want to and weve been going out for over 2 weeks now im sure school is now over it ended friday but ended today for him and im excited to not get up and sleep most of the time and get more money from working to shop with i dyed my hair again and for the last time i swear i and him love this wow my brothers have issues sooo aggravated right now i was alone all day and then now there here i miss it when it was just me and my mom i miss being alone and i idk i just being away from things most of the time and just not talking bc i idk i just like it better that way i wish people didnt care about me sometimes i say that and then when i do want people to care they dont or do and i dont know ever yes ima emo little girl in this entry SOBYE.

Ohk ^mrs. n steal since fagboy who is now just, ahh Mx Ive had two boyfriends one was stupid and the other i am now with he goes to my school thats a first for me we like the same music he has a gorgeous smile and hes apoligetic very nice, to me we hug and have one kiss everyday and hes in my homeroom mrs. n hates it but i dont ignore her i listen and store the information away for later use he likes to dance ..and thinks my ass is nice mm, so coo' right? I finally work at that place and it takes a lot of standing skills man oh man and I'm getting good at counting money woop i should be good at that already but i'm the shiznit ha I have blonde hair I like it better i dont work out anymore and wont i actually am starting to cook and school life and Mx life is wonderful not bad at all the Mx thing got a lot better I'm noticing who i dont like at school but i wont do anything about it bc itll fuck everything up bc they are bitches thats why i dont like them mm boyfriend annd his friends and my two other great fantastic amazing friends are perfect school everything but brench i know ill be passing for the year ..good maybe english too but i dont think so I cant wiat til the dance if it even happens for real and to actually get money for working finally after a couple weeks maybe someday itll be enough for me then when im old enough ill get a better job woot I gots a fake tan going on its pretty pretty and doesnt look too fake like i thought it would but im scared each time i put it on if its going to be more.. faker gkhaeutwyee i hate having subs in school some are nice some are push-overs some are BITCHES cyou later, bozo

well i got a better tan now i missed mrs. n this weekend but stil had fun hung out with people ive never hung out with before skated like a freak :D and tomorrow i go to get ready for work.. gr;ldkfjapduioh i started my mold math project today and thers a new you but i dont know if its going to be like all the other entry where all i do is talk to you so mm i dont feel like writing right now.. cyooooooooooouu

well im sitting here eating pizza with mrs. n and having fun spent the whole weekend with her and ill miss her next week bc shell be leaving to see the love of her life and have a blllast! :] and we went and did so many things woooooy bbl

okay, im almost over that break up. holy jeese today was such a good day okay good day plus happy mood-ish whatsev. i went to the skatepark and just sat on my ass almost the whole time i went to the store and mcdonalds but besides that just talked to my three main people there ben, christian, and jefferson coolio +fun i saw troy haha i had to break the news about the break he didnt know but it wasnt like 'hey bla bla' for me he asked me a question around the incadent so i answered back ya know ya know and tonight i went skating =rollerskating a ton of people were there a lot of ones i didnt know but mary n gyasi were thats all that counts the shuffling awesome i love it ill never stop if i do when im older i pray i come back to it at least once in a while just to visit and maybe skate a couple songs thatd be nice the owners care so much about me and the people that care too that are nice and just plan caring you get it last night i got in a fight with someone about how something like a drug is bad and he got so pissed and i was laughing idc if you do pot thats great dont get me talking about it im stuck with what i got in my head about it thats what i think of it final you can even do it around me you ask me ill say no noo big deal no worries unless you bring it up in a convo but he was bored so i brought it up haha after that i watched married with children i swear before my mom got depressed :-/ she tried to be just like the wife on that show haha def she always use to dye her hair red gross on girls i think.. [?] and there use to wear the same close i swear j----;; i think about meeting you a lot too maybe too much idk its just something nice to think about i really hope i dont get attached you live so far away but its great talking to you i had this thought of not meeting you til after hs and going and working in ny and you still being there working your thing and id run into you somehow in a possibly a bangle shop and think it was you but be to scared to even try to talk to you bc it might not werid holy cow if that does happen i thought of it! haha im stupid. i will always listen to your opinion mrs. n forever its so nice and right. :] later

YOU FUCKING BASTERD. I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU LIED, YOU PROB. DID CHEAT, YOUR WERE THE WORST THING IVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS? I FUCKING WILL NEVER FORGET OR FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS SHIT. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! we've all been waiting for you to mess up. thanks. you still wanna fucking talk to me?! yeah, prob. not i lied too when i said wed keep talking. i fucking hate you i hate liers just people like you the first couple of times ill be seeing you arnt going to be pretty specially if you look at me god damnit you fucking noncaring asshole as;ldfjdbalkadf but mrs. n i love you im gonna puch him in the balls and then rip them out and make him eat them and then him and his ho' can get in cement and we shall throw them into a polluted river and watch them sink down while they get eaten by eels haha bbl

well me n you finally hung out that was great but like a week ago i loved it but your gone suppose to be in another place away why doesnt & hearts ; work anymore? pshh. im now friends with naaaa shes cool we seem to have a lot in commen i like her too bad shes your sibling :D me and mrs. n are wonderful i think im in love with her lol jk jk but we are such good friends still great IT HAS BEEN RAINING FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS im going to go insane i love fresh air i aint gettin' it yo! oh another new friend j--- hes pretty sweet werid how you go to school with so many people from diff. areas I bet you look good on the dance floor why is my light trying to make me crasy and flickering jeese! i work at skates now and md's woot no hate it your so busy whyy it stinks for me you know but oh well summer will be better its gotta or idk what im going to do im so lucky oh oh cor-whoever is a bitch slammed me in 5 times very hard hurt we got in trouble for our misbehavior im over everything holy shit shes not whores but its cool bc someone around the same time that use to like me then didnt now does again we're friends on the mypace 1 lol yay its been going really good shrink says so too horoscopes are gettin righter each day and werid im not as healthy as i wanna be you know and you think im lazy for it bc i am :-[ im so tired though and i know working out makes you feel better and you dont like me to work out either just have fun in one sport but i dont have one sport and idk if ill honestly try but id like to soon be in shape specially for a bathing suit and you :D oh my gosh my hair is finally growing back out i wish i never cut it but it looks great now and i got a tan the other day wonderful farmers tan yayay new cell too i went to the dentist today gross i really wanted to puke in her hand i hate it the extreme clean feeling not for me at all horrible-ness we both had a dentist app. today did you know that? awesome lol sure wow this is alot but jeese i havnt been here for a while i cant think of anything else important right now soo ill see you prob. tomorrow? :D i love you.

ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd idk stupid me :D today was cool i rode my bike me and you are fine me and mrs. n are wonderful and i made a new great friend named lepee haha woohoo a;lsdkhtoew bye

well :] i hung out with you for like a total of maybe 7 hours i had a lot of fun and it was nice to see some other old friends too my weekend went so swell ss both frinight and saturnight skateguard meeting biting half my tounge off skatepark 3 times freezing oh so freezing and orono wonderful orono i wish i lived there would rock but id miss thee mrs. n with no nothings oh and saturday i went shopping with money that i had for sugarloaf ski rack bus trip bc i didnt go i was planning to hang out with you :D it worked gahr it was so much fun summer is going to be sweetness so much to look foward too its funny though everything i think that could happen happens in a totally different way but much cooler yayay today i went to school and came home early i didnt feel too good and blater turned red baaaad stupid and sad lol but i talked to shrink and i love how shes happier than i am for everything that i do i can talk to her almost like a friend my age pretty cool i guess annd i ate a double wonderful cheeseburger i had one like last week but still i love them im eating so unhealthy itll ketch up to me soon and ill realize i need to fix it and i will lader muuch lader mwahhah i hope we get to hang ten mrs. n i love being retarded with you ahh i love you :DD

well im not going tomorrow your here and idc :] that felt good to say but i do care i want to see you but i dont want to bug you i think im crasy i went to a skategaurd meeting last night its going to feel good to be a skateguard again and this time around ill be a da da da djjayy! ha its going to rock i love skating so much and shopping which ill be doing today with dustin ahah yay i love you

like 6 days nervious excited tired love ? ive learned it okay to be somewhat serious all the time but not the max and somewhat chill all the time but i cant to the max its cool though im not like them, i wont buy in for the trip this is how im getting my stuff snowpants - coleman gloves - coleman snowboard - dalteron hat - a line very old goggles - a line coat - me boots - renting so i think im set maybe idk hope so the bus ride will rock sleepy crasy sad? xtreme ;adkf whatev grrreattt! i just got up from a nap and you waking me up i love when you do that but i dont tell you i dont think the world wants us to be together i mean it seems like its finding everyway to keep us apart and when you say something will happen it truely im sorry never really does and when we make plans they have to be in like the next 24 hours or it doesnt work at all sooo yep this time im controlling it im taking the ride up there to were you live and see you even though im going to hate half of the time i have up there bc i will not learn i swear how to do what you do good no way i went to skates last night so i spent 7$ of my 33$ oops oh well what was i truely going to do with it? GET SOME RETRO GOGGLES BITCH tahah im outizzle i love you

well 1 week and 2 days woot im going to make it fun and now i have like 33$ for it idk if i want to stay with you the whole time or not maybe you might get mad that i might follow you but im going to try to see you as much as possible while im there so chair lift looks like its going to be fun yep i just had ice cream i talked to you today :] on line and out! i love you

so i cant stop thinking about seeing you and making you happy by knowing how to snowboard when i know im going to suck so bad, so that kind of stinks, ya know? i want to impress you but i cant do that when i cant do that. i want to spend time with you and i feel like if i dont snowboard then forget. you said all you want to do when im up there is snowboard because theres nothing else better to do. we could find things to do but im not even going to try to get that through to you. i feel kind of hopeless, and somewhat, yeah all alone. im sorry. but i think this is how im suppose to feel. dont you feel alone too? i hope i get how to snowboard, i really like watching people, like i like to watch people skateboard, but i cant really do either of them, so i hope i get it. im suppose to go to hermon on sunday to get the hang of it, but my parents are dumb and arnt giving me any money for anything that has to do with snowboarding, they are sooooo supportive. what i really ment to say is im sorry for the way i am, never ment to be so cold. by the time you see me i think my hair is going to red, just like yours or close to it haha, bc its changing on me, a lot. i wish i could go up to at random anytime to just say hi. you need to tell me next time you get here bc we could find a place to hang out, i mean mac's house is now an option, hes fine with us, i dont care if its just for 10 minutes, or 5. just let me know you want to see me as much as i want to see you. "my heart hurts" just thinking about the wait of everything. i hate waiting with all my life. i mean the only purpose i think is to make you think, and make you sad, or something stupid like, or something thats meaningful that i dont want to think about all the freaking time. jeese. i miss you, sometimes it feels like its not going to last, but there is no one else there out there just like you, and, you, is what i want. im glad i have you. and i hate this entry, wow look at it. pshh i wish i went to bangor high, i hate brewer and its stupid guys that think they are so cool because they are fucking pussys, girls who are whores to the max, and more. i mean if someone went there for just ONE day they would know, its not the place to be at all. i have such better friends in bangor, but no, parents are stupid and really do not understand their child's life. im so achy. poop. i hope you like my mind. so yeahhh. i love you. byee

it says im hungry bc i am but im eating right now tah one week and 3 days til i see you woot man, this trip going to rock everrryone is excited sweet sick awesome i pray i dont get hurt i pray i get it i pray your not stupid and is ther when i am that one day.. if your not someone is going to be 6236272224645756786745 today i see my shrink again today i see my probat again today i see my cat again I cross the desert to be with you, I miss you, I miss you. oh jeese mrs. n is diff. i def can not read her get her expressions right kno what she means we hanvt been together for a while && i think she likes it? werid world idk coleman is sitting with me on the bus to sugarloaf i cant wait i havnt seen him since skatescene which wasnt long ago but itll still be fun + he wont be with sluts today i went to the doc im sick again agian again agian jeeeeeesum crrrrowmess && im sneezing up the walls im so bored right now i havnt talked to you since sunday! oh no heart attack ha whatev. i love you. when i say that is there any need for anymore words?

that whole last entry =wrong you just didnt wnat your mom to know that you had a girl friend okay i get it cool in two effing week ill get to see you this is making my year bbl goodbye i love you. !!!!

fuck you. fuck everything. fuck everyone. im sick. you lied to your parents about me. && im in such a nagative mood, && i fucking love it. HIT ME BABYY ONE MORE TIME. i just downloaded a ton of songs on my ipod && i rule bc i love them so much its all the old ones i use to love && the ones that are new that i love too long dis. relationship suck i must confess i still believe. && i dont want to fall in love with you while your gone while our relationship goes no where i dont know what do i hate waiting for every fucking thing in my life if only you would ever fucking read this you would understand i dont think you care give me a sign! i need to know now what we've got i love britney spears. :] so if your bored go eff me. id enjoy it. i love you. ?

i feel better i took my medicine maybe thats why i dont feel good in the tummy though && im almost passing out it went from coughing-headache stuffynose-tummyache earspopping-veryhot sneezing-moresneezing less than an hour until i go to brikers && all i can think about is you how you havnt got that freaking present yet how mrs. n's relationships rocks && i hope thats ours someday how i miss you so much how summer will rule how i love you thats all for today.. :]

chapstick x12 on my lips today i feel so sick i took medicine maybe it'll help && i still keep losing my voice on && off sometime this vaca im going to brikers not to see him to see the whole crew i miss it there so much && idc what anyone else says im going you can get over it if you dont like it i promise theres nothing to worry about there with me me && d are going to make our plans about it tonight around 6 r is probably going to pick me up after hes done with work like old times this vaca besides a couple things is going to be so boring so this is the last time that ill hold you hand i want to kiss on the mouth && tell you im your biggest fan i have this secret && now its time that you should know i was wrong to string you along i think someone that ive recently have been talking to likes me a little too much rahew me && K&&K have been thinking one of our friends is going down the wrong rd with her life no drugs invloved just bad relationship habbits && she wont stop so were thinking were all over it kind of has to be like that the one that is obsessed in the last entry we'll live ill edit this later if i think of more i l o v v e e y o u u.

oops, i def. forgot i had this for a couple days mrs. n is gone you are still up ther i went skating last night && was going to go to the skatepark today but its freaking below zero no way its not suppose to warm up til at least wed. so maybe NEXT weekend someone might see me there i miss you a lot i hate this feeling && knowing when you have your prom or something else semi important or not i wont be able to see you until that month that people spin around a pole on the first of may i this works i see a shrink she helps me i really always need to have someone to talk too i think if i didnt i would go literally crasy on everyones ass && most likely more on mine i drop a friend the other day she isnt worth it anymore && its fine bc she feels the same we've grown in seperate ways changed && now we just dont "click" as friends anymore i think shes going to stay the same for a while as i change, actually which is cool, whatev thers this couple that i know that i believe thinks love is being obsessed not true not cool theys obviously never had a real relationship && im not going to say anything to them but it just annoys me && a few others too i got my haircut. hint picture. i sent you something for vday i thought you would like it but it didnt freaking get to you someone is tracking it right now for me. im going to resend it asap. :] i miss my second mother i havnt seen her or the rest of the family forever && i pretty much cryed in the car today on our way to elsworth bc of it whiched stunk so bad bc we went for nothing it was just like a father, daughter hour ride thats alright actually i thought a lot in the car today i realized that if i never moved in with the rest of the family i would of never gotten closer to my dad like i needed too i just wish dennis && dustin didnt come along with the package sometimes my second mother she means alot to me she doesnt really know it though i want to go up && see her && the others sometime soon but idk bc you might get mad at me or jelious i dont think that mr. will be ther though so no worries in my past relationships i feel like i havnt been good enough for them bc i always cheated && was never completely myself or honest && i was too obsessed this time its different && i mean it with all my heart i tell you everything ..that you might need to hear or sometimes just chat i havnt cheated && right now in this stage in life ive been honest with EVERYONE i feels great bc when i do this stuff like be a real gf like what you need i feel i get a little something in return && it makes me want to keep being like this to make you && me as happy as can be i love it i feel my sorrow that my shrink told me i have more and more each day i really wish that i didnt have it but feeling bad for me or not i still got it && i know ther is absultly nothing anyone will ever be able to do about it its alright i got my ways of handling all this :] thank god. oh && if you didnt know i pray to god now bc i think itll help me && i think it has so far my mom has stopped drinking.. so far && just a bunch of other stuff that makes me happier thank you. to everyone that i know. :D I love you.

sorry ms. n didnt realize it please forgive me ive been good.. not great but sumwhat happy today i realized that i can wait for what ive wanted for so long summer, may, skatepark, everything the days go by so fast && i dont like it anymore i dont want vday i dont want d&&d's bday i dont want No school i dont want summer i dont want snow either though i dont want skateboards ..not yet if the world could juss slow down a bit do me a favor make me happy for a day && make it last for almost ever thanks mm today was the first time i saw a shrink in a long time && it felt so great to finally talk to sumone && to finally hear im doing sumthing right that i do have sarrow && im handling it well && it almost makes me cry to realize thats the truth && ive been living on my own && i can do what ive been doing all along i feel great in a way for once && maybe just once i dont know whatever i love you.