so i cant stop thinking about seeing you and making you happy by knowing how to snowboard when i know im going to suck so bad, so that kind of stinks, ya know? i want to impress you but i cant do that when i cant do that. i want to spend time with you and i feel like if i dont snowboard then forget. you said all you want to do when im up there is snowboard because theres nothing else better to do. we could find things to do but im not even going to try to get that through to you. i feel kind of hopeless, and somewhat, yeah all alone. im sorry. but i think this is how im suppose to feel. dont you feel alone too? i hope i get how to snowboard, i really like watching people, like i like to watch people skateboard, but i cant really do either of them, so i hope i get it. im suppose to go to hermon on sunday to get the hang of it, but my parents are dumb and arnt giving me any money for anything that has to do with snowboarding, they are sooooo supportive. what i really ment to say is im sorry for the way i am, never ment to be so cold. by the time you see me i think my hair is going to red, just like yours or close to it haha, bc its changing on me, a lot. i wish i could go up to at random anytime to just say hi. you need to tell me next time you get here bc we could find a place to hang out, i mean mac's house is now an option, hes fine with us, i dont care if its just for 10 minutes, or 5. just let me know you want to see me as much as i want to see you. "my heart hurts" just thinking about the wait of everything. i hate waiting with all my life. i mean the only purpose i think is to make you think, and make you sad, or something stupid like, or something thats meaningful that i dont want to think about all the freaking time. jeese. i miss you, sometimes it feels like its not going to last, but there is no one else there out there just like you, and, you, is what i want. im glad i have you. and i hate this entry, wow look at it. pshh i wish i went to bangor high, i hate brewer and its stupid guys that think they are so cool because they are fucking pussys, girls who are whores to the max, and more. i mean if someone went there for just ONE day they would know, its not the place to be at all. i have such better friends in bangor, but no, parents are stupid and really do not understand their child's life. im so achy. poop. i hope you like my mind. so yeahhh. i love you. byee