Sweet tasting gun, Taking my last breath, The bullet digs through my head, This is my beautiful death.

hey everyone. i haven't been on sitdiary for a while but oh well. nothing's really going on. my brothers birthday is tomarrow. yay....

sorry i wasn't at school today. i got sick. i woke up at 12:30 pm. i'm really tired. yesturday mrs. janet was fighting with a mother. it was a long story of what happened and i wasn't there so yeah. arg...... i feel like shit.......

Looking at this so called tallent, That i have, I think life may be giving be a hint, That maybe i shouldn't be alive. I write poetry, I feel better sometimes, But then i'm no longer happy, Cause people can write better then me. I lied to katie, When she called, I wasn't crying of what i had read, I was crying about me being worthless. I draw a picture, I then smile, I look around, And i see something lovely unlike mine. I'm going insane, Why should i live, When, I feel like i've lost everything. I told the truth, And now i'm empty, I found people, Who are better then me. I just couldn't tell katie, That i'm sad because of that, Because of this really good poem, That i could never touch. If i give up, On drawing and poetry, There's no point in living, Cause i'm still not happy. I haven't won anything, Nothing that seemed special, I may have won a stuffed animal, But thats nothing. The only thing that keeps me living, Are my friends, I just think i'll never be happy, Ever again. I know most of you feel the same way, I know some of you might have gone insane, I just want to tell you, I'm empty. I've got nothing, I've got tallent, But my tallent is crap Compared to most of you. I do look happy, Thats what everyone says, But this stupid jelousy, Is destroying me. I want to talk, I want to cry in front of someone, But i just can't do that, Cause it will do nothing. I'll still feel the same, But with more pain, There's no reason for me to live, Cause i don't have a purpose. I read a poem, With better rhyming, And everything, I feel so ashamed. I feel sick, I hate love, I can't feel that, I'm not like a dove. This poem may not matter, Thats fine, To most people, My fake self is more fun to be around. I want to write a poem, That is almost as good a shakespeare, But that will never happen, Not in a million years.

i was wondering... if you guys know any good poetry contests sites let me know. i've been searching for a while and i still can't find any good ones. i've already done a poem on poetry.com so don't bother to go there...

fucking boring.... right now i hate almost anything. which is really weird. for some reason i hate boys, i hate anything pretty, i hate b...., i hate love, i hate myself, i hate almost everything that's happy...

i got a small hair cut more like a trim. i will look different tomarrow. i have a feeling people will ask me if i did get a hair cut. i had to go to my dads work today. i had to stay there for... 10 FUCKING HOURS! ARG!!!!!!!! I WISH WE DIDN'T HAVE A DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL!!!!!!!!! i'm tired and grumpy. i was mad. i asked my dad if i seemed grumpy and he said "yes". i kept triping today. i tripped on the steps, crap (not that kind of crap... ewwww) in my room, the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, and the room i'm in now... the computer room. i'm so tired. i need caffine... i drank tons of soda but it didn't help chocolate didn't work either. coffee didn't work too... i'm so tired....

here are the lyrics to getting away with murder: Somewhere beyond hapiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness And I'm addicted to your punishment And your the master, and I am waiting for disaster I feel irrational, so confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder It is impossible to never tell the truth But the reality is I'm getting away with murder Getting away, getting away, getting away I drink my drink and I don't even want to I think my thoughts when I don't even need to I never look back cause I don't even want to And I dont need to, because I'm getting away with murder I feel irrational, so confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder It is impossible to never tell the truth But the reality is I'm getting away with murder Getting away, getting away, getting away Getting away, getting away, getting away Getting away, getting away, getting away Murder Somewhere beyond hapiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness And I'm addicted to your punishments And I'm your master, and I am craving this disaster I feel irrational, so confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder It is impossible to never tell the truth But the reality is I'm getting away with murder Getting away, getting away, getting away I feel irrational, so confrontational To tell the truth I am getting away with murder It is impossible to never tell the truth But the reality is I'm getting away with murder

i'm not sick! and i'm angry! i ate sooo much candy so i wouldn't have to go to school! but i wasted my time cause i didn't get sick! *bangs head on table* i don't want to go to school tomarrow but no... i have to! i don't want to! don't ask why either... damn... samantha hates me too!..... enough of that.... i'm going to go barf now and i found out that someone likes me and i don't know who... but oh well i ain't going to get all worked up about it...

i don't know why. everytime i think about tomarrow i just want to vomet. i'm bringing a huge bag of candy for people to eat and that's all. katrina's going to dress goth tomarrow as. that's what she said at least. we have I.W.T groups now only 3 groups. our teacher is matt. he said that we have to turn everything in tomarrow and i mean everything. when i went up to get my planner signed, he's like "smile stephanie" and i show a little smile. then he says "a bigger smile then that" and then i smile a bit bigger and then he says "show some teeth". i say "no" and then people started tickling me and i showed my teeth a bit and left. people said that i looked a bit gloomy. i dressed gothish black shirt, black pants with chains, heavy eyeliner and black nailpolish. i wasn't smiling, i was quieter then usual, more tired looking they said. maybe i was. i guess i'm just not in a good mood. maybe... because of tomarrow. i have no idea.

hi everyone. i feel better. not completely though. last night i watched The Shining (again), Corpse Bride, Evil Dead 2, and Hide and Seek. My dad liked Hide and Seek. Evil Dead 2 was funny. like when these demon things took over ash's hand. i also like that part of when the deer (or moose) on the wall started laughing. today i watched well two of the same movies and the X Files the movie. When my mom wakes up we're going to watch The Ring. i'm not really excited about valentines day... something about it makes me feel... disgusted.

I sit here, In this lonely room, No place to go, Its already noon. Valentine cards, Kisses and hugs, What's the point, When you've got no one. Shattered feelings, Dead inside, It may sound like jelousy, I just want someone to tell. I want to let my pain go, I want to have someone beside me, I want, To be happy. I don't have that certain someone, All i have is my pain, My friends are helpful, But i'm still going insane. Crushed dreams, Cuts all over, I need to cry, But i can't. Watching everyone smile, They're so lucky, They have that special someone, Unlike me. Go ahead, Smile with all your heart, I won't get mad, At people who show they care. Bitter smiles, Deadly lies, I wish i were somewhere else, Not in this filthy place. Oh well, As they say there are many fish in the sea, But i'm starting to wonder, If i'll find the one who's right for me.

Valentines day is coming. i'm so... happy (sarcastic) no one loves me. i'm a lonely little girl. in this lonely messed up world. i guess i'm the girl who can't love or be loved. i now know my friends care. so i know i'm loved. Katrina has someone. sammy has someone (or most likey... someone will ask), laura is loved, marie, rhainnon (i think), all lot of people. so i'm just going to sigh as that Valentines day passes by. don't bother to ask if you want to make me feel better. cause when i find out the you just wanted me to smile and you didn't really care. it will hurt more then it does now. almost everyone has someone they want to spend there valentines with. i'm going to go destroy things now. later.

today is boring. i'm about to cry. i don't know why. i wish that i could understand but i don't. i guess its that time of month where i get depressed for no reason. i hate it when that happens. i feel all alone. basically dead. i have a pain in my side and it won't go away. the problem is that i always have to do things. For example, i always like to have the computer room door closed. my brother just walked in and left the door open. so i had to get up and close the door. i have to get my moms purse. i have to get papers for my dad. i have to turn off every light in the house. i have to feed the cats (We have 3 cats) i have to feed my hamster. i have to watch the food. i have to turn on the tv for people. i have to turn up the volume. i have to get food for people. i have to watch peoples stuff. i have to take people to the bathroom (stupid ass buddy system). i have to pick things up and hand em to people. i have to make sure the door is looked. i have to clean up my brothers messes. i have to clean up trash that people left in the room. i have to turn on the computer. i have to ask for people. i have to find people and tell them that someone needs them. i have to clean up the mess in the living room. i have to put dvds in the dvd player. i have to get blankets for people. i have to tell them to shut up. i have to go all the way from the one place to the other for people. i have to do almost everything. and in the end i'm all alone. like when i went to kaylas house. "Stephy can you get the chips?" "stephy can you put in the dvd?" "Stephy can't sit here. i want laura and madeleine to sit by me." "stephy, can you go get the remote?" "stphy, can you go find that movie that we wanted to watch?" I FUCKING TIRED OFF THAT! STOP ASKING ME TO DO EVERY DAMN THING! THATS CALLED LAZYNESS! I ALWAYS GET CALLED THE LAZY ONE! I'M ALWAYS THE ONE WO HAS TO DO AND GET EVERYTHING FOR PEOPLE! OH WAIT THAT'S RIGHT! I ALMOST FORGOT, STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME!MY BROTHER DOES ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY!YOU PEOPLE ARE MAKING ME THINK THAT I'M JUST HERE TO BE YOUR SERVENT! I GET THE STUFF AND YOU BARROW IT! OR YOU JUST STEAL IT! STOP IT NOW! *takes deep breath* but really... stop it... unless you think i'm your servent then i'll just ignore you. i won't do a damn thing for you unless you stop. GO DO IT YOURSELF!

i hate spanish. katrina teaching me spanish cause of senor deno. he says that we won't pass block four if we don't get 100% then we have to take the test over. she's having a hard time teaching me. i keep saying shito and fucko. i laugh and she laughs but she's still frustratted. i laugh at her. *laughs*

I stand there, A knife in my hand, Smiling evily, Cause i just killed him. I lick the blood off the knife, Staring at the dead body, I look at the cuts i made, And i say "job well done." I guess you could say, That i'm insane, But that's fine, After all insanity is all mine. I walk away, The blood spreds out, I'm happy, With what i just did. You don't think, That i'm this bad, I love to know, That i'm getting away with murder.

hello. i've lost it again. I'M GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER. i love that song.i killed sam! muhahahaha!!!!!!!! we love to kill each other. like that time she smacked me and i smacked her and then when went back and forth and i finally kicked her. and that other time she stepped on my hand and i kicked her. the only problem was that she couldn't walk. it was temperary so yeah. well see ya! i have more people to murder. I'M GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER!!!!!!

i went to friends house and we had a birthday party. we got candy, cake, all that good stuff. and then we had a sleepover. the first and only thing we did was watch horror movies. the first movie we watched was The Boogie Man. that movie was not scary at all. i laughed at some parts of that movie. so did kayla (the birthday girl). laura and madeleine stared at the tv. the next movie we watched was I Know What You Did Last Summer. that was funny, stupid, and just a little bit creepy. lots of blood but i laughed at them. we then watched I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. that one was stupid too. madeleine was scared. laura just stared at the fricking tv. me and kayla laughed our ass off. the next movie we watched was SAW. that was creepy. i liked it. out of all the movies i liked tht one. madleine, and laura were scared. i was too at one point but then i smiled and said "Lets watch another horror movie!" madeleine was scared. i didn't really like the part when the docter cut his foot off. he grabed a saw and started cutting his foot off. well anyway, the next movie we watched was Hide and Seek. that movie was kinda stupid. i do like the part when the girl was like "Charlie... come out, come out where ever you are..." and then they watched The Omen. i fell asleep during that. we then went up stairs and went to bed. that's when i had my dream. "The Dream" I was sitting in a room. there was a bed with blood all over it. i was covered in blood also. i was wearing long black tie up boots and a long black dress. i was sitting on the floor. when suddendly i see a guy. he was blueish blackish short hair and black or something like that. i said "...Jack..." then a lot of other stuff happened but i don't remember what. that's when my friend laura pokes me in the side telling me to wake up. i said "There was a guy named Jack" She was like "What are you talking about?" i told her "It was a guy in my dream." we went downstairs. we sat on the couch and i asked "Did i make any annoying sound when i was asleep or anything?" Laura says "No but you did say something like Stop It Jack! i don't really now what you said but you did say something right before you said Jack." I really am confussed right now. i still wonder what happened. i really want to know.

haha... bob... haha... i guess if you peoples want to know who i wrote that poem about its about me and my brother. we hate each other so much ever time we see each other we start fighting and then... punching. i'm the dead person. my brother is the asswhole who forgets about me. he thought i was 10 one time. he forgot my birthday quite a few times or just ruined it. When i was going to 7th grade he thought that i was going to 5th. my brother doesn't know me very well, even though i'm his sister he forgets that i exist sometimes. sad... thats why i hate him. he just thinks that he can blame everything on me and get away with it. with him out of the house its much quieter here. i haven't heard from my other brother in about 2 or 3 weeks so... yeah... i really don't care if he doesn't talk to me. he can be annoying too. god i hate it when they both start making fun of me. they're so immature. just to let you know the stupid ass brother is 23 his name is mac. my other brother is 24 his name is nick. we went to go see the huricaines. my brother nick was being so annoying and started laughing at me and i called him an asswhole (he doesn't really say words like that a lot unlike mac) he started pissing me off again and i puched him in the side (not to hard so he wouldn't complain about it)

Scary game, Nothing's the same, Don't call out my name, I'll be gone by that time. I might die, To you it might be a lie, You'll just look at me a sigh, This is your last chance to say goodbye. Black roses, Red floors, You'll be thinking that i'm poor, I can't take this pain anymore. Open the door, Scream loud, Because you've finally found, My dead body on the ground. Slit wrists, Covered in blood, You run screaming, Screaming that someones commited suicide. You finally realize, That i've never existed, In some people's eyes, Incluiding yours. Close the door shut, They'll never find me, It was just an accident, That was meant to happen. As they put the blanket over my head, You finally understand, How i felt inside, You understood that i was dead and i cried. The funeral has finally come, No one arrived, When the funeral begun, You're all alone. You look back, At those fake smiles, Trying to figure out, Why i lied. You visit my grave, You took a look at the stone, It said nothing but, I'm all alone. You shake your head, And think of those times, That you made fun of me, And told me that i could die. You then try to forget, Your past, Everything, Now you understand my emotions. You walk away, With nothing to do, You then pretend that everything's ok, And you lie. You visit my grave, Every so often, You try not to think, About the pain inside. You're 28 now, Have you forgotin, Everything thats happened, Have you forgotin your past? Pain can't last, Suffering can, In the end, You might end up sliting your own wrists. This is a poem i wrote because... well... that ... just understand i have my reasons and i don't feel like explaining it. i'm not blaming or taking my anger on any one but one of my family members. so don't worry about me being mad at any of you cause i'm not. I'm just mad at a family member.