I do not deserve to be treated this way.

There's an ache in my head that won't go away. It just exists, panging in the back of mind. It's quite aggravating. There's a lot of things going on in my life, and it's hard to find time for any one thing or any one person. The most important thing is balance. Balance my friends, family, school, college plans, soccer, boyfriend... Without it, a persons world could come crashing down. Your words burn deep. Your actions, even deeper. It's hard to just watch you give up. Maybe I was never anything to you, after all. Our future is looming and our time is short. I feel like I'm stuck, doomed to watch my world from afar as it shifts and changes with the passing seasons. Only 3/4 to go. They always say to live everyday like it's your last, and the important thing for me to do now is spend time with those I love. They won't be around much longer.

My family reunion is on Sunday and they are getting two kegs. I'm sooooo getting shitfaced with Rose. =] My cousins are up for the weekend and my Uncle and Aunt from Seattle are here too. I have no room anymore so I'm staying with Rose in her appartment. I'm pretty excited. It's good to see my Uncle again, but unfortunate that I have to work forever tonight. I miss Will. I havn't seen him since monday. Haha, I'm such a baby, but at least I'm getting used to the separation.

Someone. Please talk me out of this.

I've cried and cried and still you left. Don't kid yourself. You're more than worth it. I work way too much. Soccer is going to be fantastic this year. My boyfriend is one of the few that can see a girl crying and make her stop. Senior year better be all its cracked up to be. If saying goodbye is always this hard, I don't ever want to do it again.

What the eff?! Stressed.

"How do you spell whining?" "Why would I tell you that!? You have no need for the word whining!" It's 1:54. Grace is at my house. My alarm to go to soccer training goes off in approximately 6 hours 36 and minutes. We're going to go on facebook and attempt to go to sleep. YESSSS.

Coca-Cola is the best invention ever. Today is my year and a half anniversary. I can't believe that we've been together for so long and haven't even killed each other yet. I don't think that I'm working enough. I need to either get more hours or finally hang out with some friends. AKA my Catherine-baby. I feel like I haven't seen you all summer. Bleh, I can't wait until I can go back to sleep.

I don't like being drunk. He's going to get caught if he goes through with this.

I went shopping yesterday with the intent of buy noodles because I was damn hungry. Don't ever go shopping hungry. I ended up with a three pack 16x20 inch canvas and an array of basic paint colors for the soul purpose of mixing and blending. I was thinking about painting this summer and I think now is as good a chance to start as any. My Grandma was a pretty good painter, so I'm hoping I can make it through this canvas on genetically inherited talent. Or maybe I'll just be winging it. Anyways, so Rose wants me to paint her a picture for her new apartment and I need something to take up space on my brand new teal walls. I'm totally up for the challenge and I've already done the sketching for Rose's. I'm thinking I like hers a lot already and will probably just recreate the same thing for my room. If only I actually had a day off to paint.

Sticky. That's exactly how I feel. Sticky. It's so ungodly hot outside.

I hate baseball/basketball. I most of all hate listening to it from another room. School is boring. Why can't it get the hint that no one likes it? I want to go paint and listen to Sara Barielles. I do it for love, love, love, love...

I want school to be over, but I don't have the patience to wait. I want Will to call me, but I don't want to have to call him. I don't want to take my Math and English finals, but I don't want ot have to work to bring my grades up. I want to spend more time with my friends, but I let my work pile up. I don't want to fail my math test tomorrow, but I don't want to study. I want to make tons of money, but I don't have the time to work more. I want to get my personal narrarative out of my head, but I don't want to take the time to write it. I want to get my priorities straight, but that is seemingly imposssible.

School is already over in my mind. I find myself wandering around my house doing nothing, and enjoying every minute of it. I know in the back of my mind that I havn't been doing homework, or projects, or reading for that matter, but I honestly don't care. A break from this constant routine is what I really need. I want a road trip. Humph. I also need more books to read. I'm getting used to re-reading things, but I honestly just need something new. I want to sit out on my hammock with a blanket and a pillow, with a fantastic book, and read for hours like I used to. I think I'm going to explore painting this summer, too. See if I actually have any real talent like my Grandmother. God, I wish she was still around to show me some stuff about that. My pool is open now and it's freezing. I want so badly to just jump in with my clothes on like I used to do with Grace on August afternoons, after double sessions. Get the sweat and dirt off in one plunge and feel competely rejuvinated. Rose brought home two huge things off clam chowder today. I'm set for the whole summer. All I need now is that book I was talking about, and I'm ready to be a hermit. Staying at home for weeks at a time, and only venturing out to break in that new gym membership of mine. I will be ready for soccer season for once in my life. I swear it. Blame it on this southern weather. Blame it on anything.

Meh, in an overall bad mood at the moment. I hate being home, but I have no choice. Can't wait for the track meet tomorrow, I'll be out all day. I wish I could just leave. What's up with these random comments?

Oh my gosh. Prom. At Nathalie's in like 2 hours. Breath.

MMM. Well, we're back home from Bermuda. The temperature and weather change is depressingly drastic from the sunny skied beaches and blue water. I do enjoy being back home because I missed my friends and family, but it was beautiful there. Oh well, I can always go back eventually. I'm going back to work today, and I'm not sure what to expect. I think we got new shirts and stuff last week, but unfortunately, it's pretty much pointless to show up because the weather means it's going to be wicked slow. At least I'm working with Becca and Kylie. Maybe we'll have to clean. That always makes the day go faster. And it's only another four hours till I get to see my Catherine! Well, shower now, then work, fun later...

THE FOLLOWING IS AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF CHELSEA AND I'S VACATION TO BERMUDA. IT IS IN RESPONCE TO AN EMAIL SENT ON THE AFTERNOON OF MONDAY, APRIL 28 BY AMANDA PATRICIA COX OF 61B NEW BOSTON ROAD, WHO IS CURRENTLY IN JAMAICA. ENJOY. I think that bioluminecence is when the fish can just generate its own glow. Nathalie says that she can't open her emails or write to you, but don't worry, shes not just lying to get out of it because i'm sitting right next to her and i can see with my own eyes and testify in court if needed that her emial is disfunctional. Fax any legal documents for yours trully to sign if need be. Our vacation is pretty much a lot better than yours. We had to get up this morning around seven to the sound of angels singing and birds chirping. Jesus served us pancakes and waffles with heavely syrup with a side of toast with jam home-made by the hard worked hands of Bermudian mid-wives. After that, we were carried by chariots of fire to the local beach where we laid on clouds of marshmallows with giant gummy bear pillows that were never sticky or melty. Then, when we were tired of that, we were escorted on giant dragons and manticores into the sweet blue Bermudian water, where the fish and other colorful sea creatures swam in dissying circles around us, creating a beautiful arrangement of golds, blue and yellows. They were so lovely that it seemed like they floated up into the heavens, like a neverending glow of sweetness. We became tired of that so we went to the zoo, where hundreds of thousands of animals rejoiced at our coming. They flocked across the streets and footpaths and bridges to greet us, and escort us personally to their zooey homes. And let me tell you, these Bermudian animal homes are quite well furnished. After learning a few excellent home decorating tips from a good humored peacock, we decided to go and lay out of our 5000 ft. yacht generously supplied by God himself and soak up a few rays. Even without sunscreen, they sun chose not to burn even a single skin cell on our little unprotected bodies. What a generous sun. But eventually, the sun had to set. But believe me, it was very unwilling to go. It's firey tears flowed seamlessly into the fading light of the horizon. It was a depressingly beautiful sight. As we returned home, we were eagerly awaiting the meal that we knew had been prepared for us. The lovely and sensual scents were drifting out of every crevice and crack that it could fit through. What was even better was that it tasted even better than it smelled. The delicious combination of muffins, toasted zuccini bread, pumkin soup and pineapple juice created a plethora of taste and textures in our culinaryily inexperienced mouths. It was an extremely educational experience. Tonight we go back to our rooms, decorated with nothing less than king sized beds and giant tubs with jets and back massagers. We will slowly drift off to sleep laying on matresses made of 100% goose down, and coated with a light milk chocolate candy exterior. Chelsea and I are very pleased. Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation in Jamaica, Amanda, as I am trully sure I will be enjoying mine. I will write you again tomorrow to reverberate our upcoming trip to the dangerous caverns of the carribean. ENJOY! Sincerely, Maggie.

This is the last day, and by far the hardest. I have way too much stuff to do in the next 3 hours, but I just wanted to tell Mariah and Catherine, since I didn't really get to see you guys yesterday, that I love you both and I will miss you terribly over vacation. Hope you guys have fun!

God... One more day in Sanborn, and I'm free for a week. Technically it's not even a full day. Just two blocks. Two tests. LET IT BE OVER FAST!!! I have my alterations appointment tomorrow morning to have cups put into my dress. Hopefully it's just that. I don't want to have to pay a million dollars just to shorten my dress, or bring it in when it doesn't need it. All I want is for my boobs to stay put for about 6 hours. Thats it. And for the crazy Brazilian women not to feel me up. That would be a nice too. After that though, I get to go pick up the boy and go shopping. I need more tops for Bermuda. Ugh, so many things to do. After that, it's Graces, I guess. Then home to bed. Then nail appointment. Then ridiculous packing. Then more shopping for bodily essentials like lotion and conditioner. Then more ridiculous packing. At least I didn't lose my passport like I thought I did, along with the note that gets me out of school tomorrow. My week has been so crazy, which is probably the reason it's been going by so fast. It's also really wierd that prom is about two weeks away, school ends soon, and we'll be seniors in less than 8 weeks. But we won't get into the future anxiety. I'm goiong to enjoy this. You just wait.