THE FOLLOWING IS AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF CHELSEA AND I'S VACATION TO BERMUDA. IT IS IN RESPONCE TO AN EMAIL SENT ON THE AFTERNOON OF MONDAY, APRIL 28 BY AMANDA PATRICIA COX OF 61B NEW BOSTON ROAD, WHO IS CURRENTLY IN JAMAICA. ENJOY. I think that bioluminecence is when the fish can just generate its own glow. Nathalie says that she can't open her emails or write to you, but don't worry, shes not just lying to get out of it because i'm sitting right next to her and i can see with my own eyes and testify in court if needed that her emial is disfunctional. Fax any legal documents for yours trully to sign if need be. Our vacation is pretty much a lot better than yours. We had to get up this morning around seven to the sound of angels singing and birds chirping. Jesus served us pancakes and waffles with heavely syrup with a side of toast with jam home-made by the hard worked hands of Bermudian mid-wives. After that, we were carried by chariots of fire to the local beach where we laid on clouds of marshmallows with giant gummy bear pillows that were never sticky or melty. Then, when we were tired of that, we were escorted on giant dragons and manticores into the sweet blue Bermudian water, where the fish and other colorful sea creatures swam in dissying circles around us, creating a beautiful arrangement of golds, blue and yellows. They were so lovely that it seemed like they floated up into the heavens, like a neverending glow of sweetness. We became tired of that so we went to the zoo, where hundreds of thousands of animals rejoiced at our coming. They flocked across the streets and footpaths and bridges to greet us, and escort us personally to their zooey homes. And let me tell you, these Bermudian animal homes are quite well furnished. After learning a few excellent home decorating tips from a good humored peacock, we decided to go and lay out of our 5000 ft. yacht generously supplied by God himself and soak up a few rays. Even without sunscreen, they sun chose not to burn even a single skin cell on our little unprotected bodies. What a generous sun. But eventually, the sun had to set. But believe me, it was very unwilling to go. It's firey tears flowed seamlessly into the fading light of the horizon. It was a depressingly beautiful sight. As we returned home, we were eagerly awaiting the meal that we knew had been prepared for us. The lovely and sensual scents were drifting out of every crevice and crack that it could fit through. What was even better was that it tasted even better than it smelled. The delicious combination of muffins, toasted zuccini bread, pumkin soup and pineapple juice created a plethora of taste and textures in our culinaryily inexperienced mouths. It was an extremely educational experience. Tonight we go back to our rooms, decorated with nothing less than king sized beds and giant tubs with jets and back massagers. We will slowly drift off to sleep laying on matresses made of 100% goose down, and coated with a light milk chocolate candy exterior. Chelsea and I are very pleased. Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation in Jamaica, Amanda, as I am trully sure I will be enjoying mine. I will write you again tomorrow to reverberate our upcoming trip to the dangerous caverns of the carribean. ENJOY! Sincerely, Maggie.