well i did it again and i have no real rhyme or reason except i was bored. what i said what wrong and know that with every thing that i have. i dont know why i do things or even why i live anymore. i have lost the trust of my best friend and the one i love with all of my heart. im not doing at very good job at showing that she is my everything and frankly i am a terrible boyfriend. i accept whatever comes of this situation and most definalty deserve whatever comes to me because of it. i hope that she will forgive me one day and maybe one day i can forgive myself for it. everytime she cries i feel like i just want to vomit. as i sit here writing this i cry in a public place and feel so sick to my stomach that i wish i was dead. i hope one day this will be ok and that we can both live out our dreams together and not separate. i hope it can be all ok. i love you