I haven't posted here in a long time. Guess i'm way overdue for an update. Well, I went floating on the river last week with Janette, my boss, her sister, and one of my roomates. He got a little drunk and slapped Janette's ass a few times, until i told him to stop it. It was funny at the time, but probably only because I was a little drunk as well. Otherwise, I probably would have been pissed off. I'm still fucking sunburned. It's getting better though. I'm starting to get all peely now. Opeth is this sunday. That'll be fun. I don't like pressure. That is, I don't like to feel that I'm being pressured to do something that I don't want to do. Should i let myself feel like an asshole, or should i go ahead and give in? I like my space. Not to be confused with myspace, which is actually a very crappy site. Eh, I don't know. I'm going to try to go to school full time this fall. We'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll actually stick to it this time. I'd like to not deliver pizzas for the rest of my life. Anyway, I'm gonna go jerk off and go to sleep now. Was that too much info? Ha ha. G'night boys and girls.

Another scar. And I don't know why. I like it, and i hate it at the same time. The feeling of the metal. The look of the blood. On the other hand.... maybe I'm just drunk. But I'm not really dunk. Just a little buzzed. And I'm not sad this time. Not happy either. Just.... well.... i dunno. I enjoy it. I like to wallow in it from time to time. I like my pain. And to anyone who thinks I should keep shit like this to myself: FUCK OFF. If you don't like it, don't fucking read it ass-monkey. This is my place to rant and rave about whatever the fuck i feel like at the moment. Fuck you. On a happier note, I really enjoy sex. I wish I was having sex right now. Haha. I'm gonna go pass out now. Night shitheads.

Life is good. My job is fun, I'm going diving in a week and a half, I'm going back to school in the fall, I'll be getting my own place soon, and ....... well...... I am rocking it well. Not sure what that means exactly, but it seems appropriate. I smell funny. I'm gonna go wipe the clap off of me. Ponder that for a while.

I really don't know how I've been feeling lately. I just know that I'm ok, and that's enough for now. Still looking for a place to live. I'm looking forward to having my own place. My roomates are cool and all, but I'd really like to have a place all to myself for once. Not long now. Anyway, I'm going diving in two weeks. It's been a long time. Too bad it's freshwater, but it will still be fun. After that, I'll probably go to houston for a few days. I wish kelley would stop ignoring me. I don't know what the hell her problem has been latley, but she never wants to talk anymore. I guess that means everything is going well, because if it wasn't she would be calling me to bitch and cry about it. Eh, whatever. I need to try to go to sleep now. It's only 2a.m., but I have to open tomorrow. I was supposed to have the day off, but I have to cover another guy's shift. More money for me, but I haven't woken up before like 3p.m. in a while. Waking up at 9:30 is gonna suck ass.On the other hand, the day always seems to go by faster when I'm slightly sleep deprived. Goodnight you silly people.

Damn it, I can't decide where I want to live. My lease will be up in August, and I have to decide whether to go back to houston, or stay in austin. Either way, it looks like I'm going to be on my own. That is, without a roomate. Fine with me, just means I'll have to work more. My problem is that I have no real reason to stay here, and no reason to go back. I guess I have more fun here, but that's not always a good thing. I really need to go back to school, but I'm not sure I can stay focused with 6th street so close by. =) Ah well, I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll just move to Honduras.

How many people wanna kill themselves? I do, I do! Fuck you. Pretend like you give a fuck. Tomorrow, when I'm sober, I'll pretend like it helps. In the meantime, Fuck you all. Everyone. Fuck off and die.

Girls are stupid. That's all. You deserve no explanation.

msi kicked ass!!! I had a great time. I got my wristband signed by jimmy..... and i grabbed his ass. Jenny got her boob signed!!!!

I saw Sin City last night with my roomates. It kicked ass, despite the fact that jessica alba doesn't get naked. Three more days till my vacation. A whole week off from work, and most of that time I'll be in houston with my parents house all to myself. Party time. Hah.

....abused, mistreated, unwanted, ugly, ignorant, and most of all alone.

Well, it's my own damn fault. I had already told myself to blow this girl off, that i didn't care anymore. But i still went out with her tonight and had way too much to drink. Well, everything was going really well...... until she told me that i don't have any shot with her right now because she's still talking to her ex boyfriend. What the fuck is that? Why won't i ever learn? Oh well, fuck her. She wants to go back out with that asshole agian, that's her problem. Fuck em all. No one wants a guy who is honest, or who will treat them the way they deserve anyway. Fuck it. Nice guys suck ass in this scociety apparently. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna become an asshole like the rest of them. I've tried, and I can't do it. Well, someday I'll find a girl who deserves to be treated right. A girl who can appreciate a good guy. Until then, I guess I'll just be lonely.... since I still refuse to play the game. I hate the fucking game. I will never be a player. If you don't like who I really am or how I really feel.... then fuck off. I don't want to be with someone who is fake anyway. EDIT: Please note that I am really drunk right now, so you should probably just ignore this entire entry.

April 28th....... Mindless Self Indulgence is coming to austin. Whoo-Hoo!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHA. I'm drunk, and it's FUN! I was in a really good mood today for some reason. Now I'm drunk and it's time to pass out. Hope everyone is doing well. Okay, talk to you all later.

Well, I've been feeling much better.... until tonight. I'm starting to believe that there are only three categories of women in the world. 1. The ones who play mind games and fuck with your emotions 2. Golddiggers 3. Complete sluts I only seem to ever have issues with the first two, since I want nothing to do with the third category. If a girl is willing to fuck me the same day she meets me, I want nothing to do with her. I know, I'm a giant faggot. Whatever. You always hear girls whining about how chivalry is dead. Well, that's because all of you fucking killed it. I'm a nice guy, which means I get screwed over on a regular basis. None of you want a nice guy, you all want to be treated like shit by some asshole with a nice car. Where the fuck are the decent girls? Is there such a thing? Fuck it, I'm done. I don't giva a fuck anymore. I will stay single and die alone before I take anymore bullshit from little bitches who like to play stupid games. Ok, that's probably not true at all. I'll continue to metephorically "bend over and take it up the ass" at the slightest hint of interest from someone of the opposite sex. I wonder if I'll ever find a girl who can appreciate being loved for who she is, instead of how good she is in bed. Anyway, sorry about all this bitching. And sorry if I insulted anyone. I guess I'm just getting bitter. It's just that for the past year I've been fucked around so damn much. I'm sure things will get better eventually. Either that, or I'll drink myself to death. Whichever comes first. Haha.

I'll take this chance and won't look back I could never feel that way again You crush the lights I've known so long and all I thought was real Confusion clouds my mind Stop looking at me that way right now Your god told you that it's ok I guess you'll see what's real So, tell me now Why should I take this from you How could I waste my time Why should I take this from you A thousand years A thousand yesterdays I used to care I used to see So, tell me now Does it dream Now I'm the world you've feared so much and what you always meant to me I'll take this time to say goodbye This is forever Confusion clouds your mind Stop telling me how it is so right Your god told you that it's ok and now you know what's real ----------------------------------------- Well here I am. Alone and drunk again. My cousin came into town tonight. We hung out on sixth street for a while. He is so much cooler than I would ever want to be. Fucking player. In town for a few hours and he hooked up with some hot chick. So i went home, and she (the girl I've been talking to) came over. We watched a movie.... and she went home. What the fuck is wrong with me? Well, I'll feel better tomorrow, when I'm sober again. God damn it. Nothing ever changes. I always lose. Will I ever find someone who wants me? Probably not. At least, not until I learn to be happy with myself. Of course, I'd be happy with myself if I wasn't so lonley. Haha. Fucking ironic bullshit. I hate everything.

Arby's is delicious. That is all.

well, not too much going on really. I got way too drunk last night. It was horrible. Haven't been that messed up since highschool. Drinking wine, which I've never gotten drunk on before. And never will again. I hate wine. Sleeping next to her on some guy's couch was kinda cool though. Nothing is gonna happen. Ever. Don't know how I can be so sure, but I just feel it. For a while there, I actually let myself believe that it was finally my turn to not be alone anymore. I don't belive that now. Just waiting for the bottom to drop out like it always does. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh well, fuck it. At least I was able to enjoy the moments. It was nice...... not being so lonley.

Oh man, this is bad. This is really bad. I've been fighting it, but I think it's too late. I'm falling hard for this girl. Damn it, I'm so scared. Everytime I see her, I expect to be less amazed. You know, like maybe I'll get used to her and she won't seem quite as incredible. But everytime I see her, she seems even more beautiful. How sappy is that? Haha, I don't care. I can't help but smile when I think about her. I can't stop smiling. Even if I get hurt in the end, it's so worth it just to be this happy for a little while. Anyway, I gotta go to work now. Later.

Well my computer blew up a few days ago. I have to buy a new power supply for it. There's a hundred bucks down the drain. Oh well. Heh heh..... she stayed the night with me the other day. The greatest feeling I've had in a long time was waking up to find a gorgeous girl in my arms. So needless to say, I'm on top of the world right now. I hope all of you are doing well too. See ya later.

Well, just as an update, I'd like to say........ I have no freaknig clue what the hell is going on with this chick. Frankly, I've stopped caring. If anything happens, cool. If not, oh well. I don't like head games. Other than that, things are allright. Yes, JUST allright. Not great, good, bad, or shitty. Just allright. Well, see ya later.