Gaaaaaaaaaah! Work yet again I got in a fight with Mike today when I went up to work to get my paycheck. He didn't like it that he got called out for being a piece of shit. That and I moved the boxes too. Joe says he fears change. He bitches about the slightest changes made here and there. And he wants me to "personally" deck scrub. I group deck scrubbing with getting things on high shelves. I get someone else to do it so I don't hurt myself. What it really was about was me being assertive. I wrote in the red diary that we needed cheese opened every day. It's a part of prep, so it's the day shift's responsibility. And it's not like deck scrubbing or shelf climbing, I always get it done, even when it's busy. So he has no excuse to be a lazy sack of crap. Joe's not going to fire him until Quentin is ready to be trained. He never wants to actually take any responsibility, he's always looking for excuses and I have had it. It's coming down to Joe or Steve firing him, or me leaving Joe and Mike alone to duke it the fuck out. I want to do that because it feels like lately Joe is putting running the store on my shoulders. It's too much, I never wanted to be a fucking GM. I want to be an assistant and I want Mike GONE. If Joe really wants me to stay and help him run that store he'll take some fucking action and get rid of Mike. Thats all I have to say about that. I don't get to see Vance this week and guess why...because of work. These are my thoughts on my relationship: I've given up things for the other person in my life. It didnt work out, it ended up failing horribly. I'm very hesitant to move for Vance. I love him more than anything, and I want to be with him, but giving up all these opportunities and the awesome comfort of where I live feels like such a tremendous risk. What if we break up? I wouldnt have the money to support myself, my dad wouldnt let me live with him and the last thing I would want to do is move back in with my brother. I've become more settled here than I originally intended. I feel like before I move three hours away to what is now a strange city to be with someone that I don't know I'm going to be with forever I should become completely independent and be able to fully support myself, you know, incase something happens. Plus, here in Austin I'm closer to my brothers who are all I've got. I don't have my dad, he's too busy being up his wife's ass. Why risk it? Love doesnt last forever and I'm too young to go one believing it does.

At work I am still up for the position of assistant manager, we're blowing way too much money on the dumbfucks that work there, Mike sucks worse then Roxanne or me and might get fired, Allen is still a piece of shit and I need two weeks of paid vacation. Other than that I miss Vance. He might not come down this weekend because his mom is getting her first round of chemo Thurday and if she's too sick he'll have to stay there and take care of her. I might have to work Saturday, which is just a sin, if the promo stuff goes as intended. I want him here! I want to hold him and cuddle him and remind him how much he is loved and teach him to appreciate that fact more. Did you know that Nigel Travis, the former CEO at Blockbuster that was under fire for jewing consumers out of their money through excessive late fees is now one of the bigwigs at Papa Johns corporate? And did you know those motherfuckers TAX THEIR DELIVERY FEES? Illegal. Thats just plain illegal, but if Thomas Gathright can become TGM than I guess it's okay. They'll all live happily ever after in hell when all this is over.

I love him and he loves me, there you have it. And I couldnt be happier.

Million Dollar Baby is the saddest, most depressing movie I think I have ever seen. Requiem For A Dream was depressing too, but it's more of a display of human desperation and downright stupidity. This movie made me fucking cry because all this chick wanted was simple, she had a fucking dream. She got so close and then it was all fucking TAKEN AWAY. And Clint Eastwood, sweet Clint Eastwood could never tell her how much he loved her with his words. He did by helping her die. Fucking sad. Goddammit. I'm going to crawl into my bed and bury myself under the covers and sob myself to sleep some more. Good fucking night.

I'm so tired. You have no idea how making pizza all day takes it out of you. It does. Today I was manager, which is cool. I opened, which I always hated, but today it wasnt so bad. I think it just may be this store. I talked to Liz today, who you may know was my boss at Round Rock. She's getting rid of all her managers and a couple of weeks will need me to run a few shifts at her store. I think it's great. Roy got fired because he is an asshole, Roxanne got promoted to assistant, and is now being demoted to insider because she doesnt have a fucking car. So, I will run a shift at the store, and the girl that tried to get me fired will be below me. Ha fucking ha. I'm tired and fucking hungry.

Tonight Vancey pants came over and we ate spaghetti. It was delicious. It feels pretty good to be home...I havent been home most of the week. It saves me a lot of gas money to stay with Vance, but obviously that isnt the only reason why I stay there :) I'm glad the week is finally winding down. Tonight work was slow again and I can't figure out why. Spoj hapna used to be the quality pizza delivery service and now I think they're beginning to blend in with the crowd. Everything we offer is now no different from the other pizza places. Because we're trying to keep up with our "better ingredients, better pizza" standard and trying to add new things to keep up with competition, we've had to raise our prices significantly. Thats turning our customers away. So business has been slow. Maybe I'm just a curse to this chain. I've never worked a "busy" football season... The only reason why I'm talking about this is because I'm fuckin tired as hell. I need to go to bed, but there is so much shit I have to do so I can sleep in tomorrow. I'm going to Houston on Monday night for Annie's birthday. I have to buy her a present. I can make this interesting...

I'm quite pleased that its cooling down outside. It's 1:30 in the morning and there's a nice chill. So. Work has sucked the last couple of days. I am hoping it gets as busy as everyone says it will, because if it doesnt I will be convinced that I am a curse to Papa Johns. The last football seasons I have worked havent been that bad, despite what everyone tells me. Anyway, it's a little too early to tell. What else? My laptop should be on it's way. It should get here this weekend, or this monday, and it it doesnt I will be a little pissed. I am excited to get to lay in bed with my pillows fluffed and surf the internet. I will no longer be bothered with getting out of bed and sitting at my desk. Exciting. Anything else? Oh yeah. Gas is high. Hurricanes suck. I hate the left-wingers that claim that the government's delayed reaction is because the population in New Orleans is mostly black. Thats absolutely retarded. They probably didnt think to turn on Fox News until wednesday likes the rest of us busy people. The only thing I say is that the demand for help is much greater in the gulf of mexico than it is in Iraq, but of course that opinion is irrelevant to the lovers of war. Yeah. I'm bored. I'm going to call people and see if they want to talk to me.

I'm so mad right now I can't fucking see straight.

I'm tired as hell and my tits hurt real bad. Where did all my friends go?

I'm stoned on xanax right now and really tired, so I'm going to try and get this out of me as much as I can as quickly as I can. Lets hope I don't hit the cancel button this time. I hate being the "jealous" girlfriend. I hate it so much. It's not me being possessive, it's me being protective of myself. I feel like because of the shit that happened in my last two relationships, I cant fully trust anyone, especially guys. It's that and the basic empty-headed "rules" of male-female friendships. I mean, fuck guys can have female friends. I feel so guilty. I cant stand it when he spends time with his female friend (who is also my friend) without me. He fucking planned something with her a while before I came along. He bought the tickets, he should fucking go, not ask her to find someone else to go. But I cant help but feel uneasy, or rather bitching about it to him. I'm scared. I'm always fucking scared. I feel so guilty. Jealousy is stupid and so am I. I let those two stupid dipshits leave these deep, ugly scars that I cant hide. So no, I don't know what to do with myself. If I'm not like this, I do run the risk of getting hurt again. But I feel like I could be fucking things with someone I adore by being a stupid jealous girl. I don't know what to fucking do except cry, which is what I'm going to go do right now. And the only reason I'm not saying this to him is because he is asleep.

It's hot and smelly in here. I started my new job. Basically my first day was like your first day at a new school. Same old routine, just new place and new people. I can already do everything, and hopefully they can appreciate that. The only thing Ive had problems with is the delivery area, which is expected since I don't live there. I'm going to have to get used to getting paid every two weeks as opposed to the convenience of getting paid every week. Yesterday I floated the Comal river again with Gema, Vance, and Chance. It was fun. No sunburns this time since we only went twice and wore lots of sunscreen. Gema said she'll make sure and schedule us the same days off so we can go again. She and I are also supposed to go to Fiesta Texas sometime before the end of August. Anyway, yesterday was great because Gema got extremely drunk. Watching drunk people is fun. She was apparently very embarrased about it today and kept apologizing to Vance during work. She didn't really have anything to be ashamed of, she kept us all very entertained. Yeah, so. This is boring. I'm going to play the Sims now.

Fruity? Thats right. Things are going well for me lately. I've been in a really good mood for some reason, and it really it could be because at this moment I don't have anything to complain about. I got a job, finally. I've been hired at another Papa Johns. I wouldn't have picked a Papa Johns across town if it hadn't been so easy. Vance works there, and I am well acquaited with one of the bosses there. I don't like actively going out and trying to find a job, which is why I apply at pizza places. They generally like people with their kind of experience. For some reason at any other place they take one look at my past job experience and automatically don't consider me. But whatever. Pizza is good for now. Now I don't have to ask my brother for moneys. I'm getting on track with my GED. I've gotten all the information about scheduling, and now aside of studying all I need to do is raise the money for the test. $90 for all 5 tests according to the ACC website, and then something like $20 for every re-test. Needless to say I want to pass the first time I take it. Other than that, I am happy that I am with the cutest boy in world. So he may be sweaty, but he's still the greatest. Yeah, that was lame and girly and giggly. Sorry.

You know why most OTC yeast infection treatments SUCK for me? BECAUSE IT EVEN SAYS IT ON THE BOX: "A mild increase in burning, itching or irritation may occur...". I am fucking miserable right now. I can't sleep because there is a constant horrible itch between my legs that I can't fucking scratch. I hate yeast infections. This post was brought to you by the Coalition for the deliverance of too much information.

I cut myself again tonight. I don't know why I do this to myself. I'm getting entirely too old for this shit. I hate anxiety.

Yesterday was the Lamb of God/Opeth show. It was fucking great. I love metal shows. Sure, it was rainy, muddy & crowded, but it was still fucking awesome. I love the energy generated between the crowd and the bands. You just cant find that at a Toby Keith show. I was so exhausted by the time Lamb of God came on. We left after a couple of songs and I kind of feel bad because I did want to see the whole show and I know Vance wanted to as well, but I was so tired and just had to get out of there. Annie & Dennisaurus Rex just left. They came over to visit with the kitty and such. They're fun. I miss my friends from Houston. I should go and visit them more often. I feel ill. My throat has been so sore the past few days and it's getting worse, but my throat isn't red at all. I'm going to try and cut back on the smokes for a bit. I'm going to see how long I can go tomorrow without smoking. If I don't feel well I do pretty well because smoking doesn't help it one bit. Anyway, I have to poop. Later.

I'm awake! I'm awake. I went to bed around 6 in the morning. My brother called me around noon wanting me to get up so I can go down to the dealership on South Congress so we could transport both cars. He bought a car. Thats exciting. He didn't make me go because I was half-asleep. He found someone else. Around 5 in the morning I wrote a post about wanting a laptop and something went wrong and it was never posted. Basically, I want a laptop and so as soon as I get access to my money, I'm going to get one. And it makes me horny. That was the extent of the post. I'm going to clean my room today, I hope. I want to defeat the demons of boredom somehow. And thats about it.

I hate the rain. It's since cleared up and is rather nice and cool outside, but I still hate it. Rainy weather makes me so depressed. It's like if the sky can't be happy then I can't either. I know thats a rather simple way of looking at it, but thats the only way I can explain it. I'm so lonely. I know to everyone else I must sound rather needy, but I stay in one room 90% of the day with a tv, a bed, a computer, and a few magazines strewn about. I don't talk to anyone that actually lives in the house, and I don't want to bother my friend(s) by calling them around the clock (believe me, if I could get away with it, I would.) I've taken a massive step back to when I was 17, not in school and 50+ miles away from all of my "friends". I was trying desperately every weekend to see them, I must have bugged the shit out of them. I know I did. But it was the only way of getting away from that depressing room. I could get away from my depressing life. Ever since I quit my job, this is how it's been. I thought it would be better for me, I thought that if I stopped working I would be able to study and get my equivalency. That much has helped. If I started working again I would let it consume me and not want to study. I am getting closer to my goal, and in the fall I'll be able to get a job and resume life. I know I'm just bitching, but this is just so frustrating. I would go out right now, but I want to hang on to the precious little money I have. There's stuff going on this weekend thats going to require gas for my car and possibly food, so I'm going to try and not spend it. So yeah, I hate my life. To you this is probably typical Janette bitching. I don't care.

It's 2 AM and I am bored. How sad is that? I expect to be mildly entertained as most of my world sleeps. I just got off the phone with Vance. He's pretty fun to talk to. I'm a little annoyed. I'm not tired and I refuse to sleep. I'm not interested in drinking. I think I will play a video game or watch a movie. Or sit here and sulk. I hate what life is handing me. I'm not ready to deal with these things. Anyway, goodbye for now.

I went floating with Vance, Chance, Gema, and December on Thursday. We did the tube chute three times and it was so awesome. I'm sunburned very badly, though. The tops of my ankles and my toes are blistering. I've never ever blistered before. I don't know what to expect. Lee and my brother have been begging me to go floating with them tomorrow, but I am not going to put myself in danger of burning again. I can't imagine what would happen. And on top of that, floating when you're on your period sucks ass. I do have a nice tan on the rest of me though. I'm going to make some effort to keep that up this summer. I look hot with color. Vance and I took the rat to a pet shop and fed it to a snake. RIP Templeton, he has gone back to his home IN HELL. I'm going to make some mac & cheese now.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah... WHO CARES!?! I think they are here, thus I must be going.