i wish things with you werent so damn complicated. i just wish i knew how you felt...do you miss me? or am i just a distant memory? whenever you see me and you stare, are you thinkin of all the memories we have? or are you thinkin wow i cant believe i was with her? what would you do if i called? would you have your dad say you werent home like you use to do? would you talk but give me an attitude? would you be happy to hear from me? i wish you expressed your feelings more. why do you have to keep everything inside? you're so shy sometimes.. it's actually kinda cute. it hurts so much to know that we spent the entire summer together and now, we dont even acknowledge each others presence. whenever something goes wrong, i just wanna pick up the phone and call you because thats what im use to...im so use to you DRYING my tears...but now youre MAKING me cry. Everytime i see you in school, i wanna run up to you and throw my arms around you and tell you how much i miss you, but i know you wouldnt hug me back, and youd probably just nod your head and say "i gotta get to class" why do your friends make things so hard for you? they can all be with girls but for some reason they like to pick on you when youre with girls. and that gets you embarrased and self concious...i hate it. i hate this "fat mike" everyone knows about...i hate this person you become when youre in school. i miss mike..the caring, shy, sensatvie, funny, adorable kid...the person you were this summer, the person you are when youre not "fatty". i miss my boyfriend mike..and most of all, i miss my BEST FRIEND mike. i shouldnt be this scared to talk to someone i spent 2 months with, i shouldnt be this scared to talk to someone who knows almost EVERYTHING about me. but i am. im scared because youve already hurt me once and i dont know what else youre capable of. and i always question why you havent called me. that day when i called and yelled at you and then hung up, i didnt even let you get 2 words in, why didnt you call me back and tell me your opinion? didnt you wanna get the story straight? i thought for sure you wouldve called back that day and now its almost been 3 weeks. did you not call because you truely didnt care? did you not call because you were hurt at the fact that steph told me? did you not call because i hurt you with everything i said..and most of it...now that ive been thinkin about it, i regret. i regret yelling at you. if i was just more calm, we proabbly wouldve been able to have an actual conversation. if i had just let you talk instead of yellin at you and telling you to shut up, i might know your side of the story...we might have even been able to work things out. and if i hadnt said that last thing which was a LIE, i bet we would still be talkin. sometimes i just wanna run up to you in school and start punching you and screaming at you for hurting me. you knew i had trust issues...you knew...and i opended up so much to you, i told you everything..things that even some of my friends dont know..why? because i thought wed always be friends..i thought wed always be BEST friends. but, i know i cant take it all out on you, becuase i didnt always do the right things either. im sure ive done things that have hurt you and im sure ive done things that have pushed you away more and more each time. see this is what i mean, how come you never once told me that you were hurt by things that i said? i know i hurt you..i said a lot of hurtful things. why didnt you just tell me? and then i couldve said.."theyre all lies. i miss you. i love you." and maybe we wouldve gotten back together. and i cant help but wonder about the future. what are things gonna be like in a few months? will we still be on these terms? will we be talking by then? what about next year? what if next year we have a class together and the teacher has assigned seats next to each other, will we talk then? or will we just ignore each other? in the future, when people ask us if we know each other, will we say yeah, we use to be best friend and we went out? will we say yeah i know him/her? or will we just say something small like i know of him/her or ive seen him/her around and then kinda change the subject? i wish i could do our whole relationship over..i would do things so differently. everytime you wanted me to come over, i would, everytime you wanted to do something together, id jump at the oppertunity, and i wouldnt get mad at the little things like you wanting to go chill with your boys and shit.i wouldnt get so angry when you didnt call..i would just do things sooo incredibly different. im starting to think about everything and im missing you alot more now. all the holidays are starting to come up, everything you and me planned on doing together. last week you were suppose to sleep over and get ready for field day with me..and in school we were gonna spend the whole day together. we would be going to all the football games together and watching danielle cheer. my chorus concert is comming up, you, jon, and danielle would most likely be there and then wed go to friendlys or something after, halloweens comming up in a few weeks, we probably wouldve gone out trick-or-treating for a little with danielle and julianne and then come back to my house or yours and just chill for the night. my birthday...less than a month away, and all i want is to be with you. even if its just as friends. christmas is just around the corner too...remember how you were gonna come with my family on christmas eve? and i know its still a while before semi, but ive been lookin at dresses and its still in my mind that im going with you...like we planned this summer, but i know that youre not gonna ask me...you probably wont even go. mike, im so scared for you. i cant even imagine what it would be like to know that my dad could die at any moment because of cancer, and to have his house under your name on the will..i know it scares you, and i know how hard it is for you because you use to talk to me about that kinda stuff, you use to talk to me about everything. you cant do that with your friends, we both know what type of people they are. if you ever just need someone to talk to, someone to listen to you, im here. you can always call me..you can call me when you feel like crying, when you need to get your anger out..you can call me and yell at me. even if all you want is someone to laugh at your jokes, just call me. ill dry your tears,ill take away your hurt and anger, and ill laugh at all your jokes. i wanna be there for you. i miss you. i love you. and hey , i might even call you tonight...or this weekend or something..