Lying in bed, Too weak to get up. To tired to sleep, All is thinking of you. So I write all night, Hoping to write away my pain and fears. To the point I’m sick, Restless to the core. I can feel it in my soul, I know I miss you. It’s obvious to those who are close. I want to know how it was so easy for you, Because it is never for me, And it is getting me no where. Nowhere besides deeper in my emotions. Talking myself into thinking, Thinking I’m going insane. Needing medication, To be able to breath again. Missing the look in your eyes. Torn apart, I’m left on the floor, Only in a puddle of shame and tears. ~Sara Dean So here is my entry... Right now.. my life seems perfect.. so you would think.. i seem happy.. but am i really? My head is so fucked up right now.. i don't know what do think nymore! am i really needing medication? it's startign to seem so! i can't even stand my own self right now! i hate this cold feeling.. i need to be alone.. get myself together..! i sit and tell myself and everyone well i'm happy now! no more depressed sara.. but then i turn the next day and i am again... so don't believe me next time! i'm so confused.. i feel so empty, little inside i just want to curl up in myself and rot to death! so i tell everyone not to cut themselves.. and it's not worht it.. im always tellin ppl it will be ok and tryin to help them.. then next thing i kno.. i cut myself for the first time today.. sadly i'll admit it.. i'm sorry.. but now i understand... I'm sorry to all those i have disappointed... my life feels so empty and useless.. i need out of here!!!!!!!!!!