yeah, so i'm just alive today. not feeling anything special. i guess Abi and i are totally over. she doesn't call. i guess she doesn't care. it's hard to know how to take it when someone just doesn't care enough to call. or let you know what's going on. she said she loved me. it was only 2 weeks. then she left. makes no sense. she said i scare her. i'm "too perfect". too "dreamy". i just fucking don't get it. maybe i should just be a man whore. just do it all the time. yeah, that's an idea. never a lonely night. never wondering if they like you. just rail them. make them scream. then sleep. then say bye in the morning. where do i sign up? actually, i'm weird. i need the company. i want the relationship. i want the love. i want to love. to be loved. the hugs. the kisses. the butterflies. give it to me. tie me down. i want to only have one girl. mine. all mine. to spoil. i want to make her feel pretty. beautiful. gorgeous. perfect. wanted. all of these things. i want to give them to her. not Abi, but to someone who loves me in return. not just says i love you, but the kind of love where you can see it in their eyes. the way they look at you. they stare, but it's innocent. give me that. i want everlasting. i want forever. no worries. just love.