Every once in awhile I find myself thinkin about things that are goin on in my life like friends, family, school, my future career, etc. Lets talk about my future career. When I'm listenin to my favorite musicals I often wonder if I should have chosen musical theater & NYU instead of Elementary/Special Education & Misericordia. Musical theater, well singing in general, has ALWAYS been a passion of mine. I never really showed it til high school but it has been. This has been goin through my mind a lot lately especially after I went to see Wicked in NYC a few weeks ago. Don't get me wrong I LOVE workin with kids & helpin them learn but music & actin & especially singin have been in my life for as long as I can remember. Did I chose the right path for me or am I missin out on a future of music & theater? OK...on to friends. I'm not sure where to begin. I love love LOVE my friends but sometimes I feel like I'm being used or not really wanted. I'm probably just paranoid but thats how I feel sometimes. I thought I have finally found my true friends, people who care about me & love me & will ALWAYS be there for me. But sometimes I don't feel like they do those things that things or PEOPLE get in the way. Take one of my friends...I have known him for a LOONNNGGGG time & thought I could always ALWAYS count on him but lately I dont know. He has a girlfriend now thats not to fond of me & I'm not to fond of her either. And it feels like just because he's goin out with her that he can't be friends with me. I just never understood that. I don't care that he's goin out with her, that's his chose. The thing I don't like is the fact that it seems like we can't just hang out anymore. I just don't know!!! Anyways...lets go on to another friend. This friend I've only known a year or so but I considered her a good friend anyways. We use to hang out ALL the time but lately I haven't even talked to her. I never told her this but lately she was gettin on my nervses. It seemed that whenever we talked it was about her problems & it was the same everytime. Also I've been feelin kinda used by her to hang out with other friends. That was really REALLY gettin to me. And for a week or so we were goin out kinda late & I was gettin yelled out for comin in later & later. I know I should be tellin this to her face to face but its just easier...sometimes...to put it in a journal...like this one. I don't really know what to do about this. Well I better get goin. It's gettin late & this journal keeps gettin longer & LONGER!!! I'll come back tomorrow & finish. Nighty night y'all...((hugs)) & **kisses** ~*K*~