Ok...Now that I'm a little calmer I can finally write this entry. There have been a couple of things that have been bothering me lately. One: people seem to hate me for no reason...and Two: one of my bestest favorites is being...well...not the lovable guy that I know. I've noticed lately that there are a few people who seem to hate me for no reason. I HATE it when people don't like me for a stupid reason. If I give you a reason it's ok but if I don't, I don't like it. I know at first I can seem either overbearing or like a bitch. But to contrary belief I have a very VERY shy side that sometimes seems like I have an attitude and an "I don't care I'm better than you" personality. But when I become shy I don't talk and I keep to myself. I'm not as confident as many believe. There's one person in particular that really seems to hate me. She says she doesn't but her actions sometimes aren't very convincing of that. I've seen the stares and I've heard the remarks. She's the girlfriend of one of my bestest favorites. I've know of her about a year or so before they started going out and even then she didn't seem to like me. I've never really talked to her so I'm not sure why she might not like me. At first I thought maybe it was because of my voice and that people that I knew from Marian were saying that I did have a good voice and because of Counties. But I think there is more to it. I then thought it was because I'm really good friends with her boyfriend...but at this piont I don't think that's the case. Some people tell me it's because she thinks that I don't like her. But I don't know her good enough to not like her. I'm not like that...you have to give me a reason to not like you. I just don't like the things that she's done and said about some of my friends. I hope we can get to the bottom of this. And who knows...since we seem to have A LOT in common...maybe we can become friends. Well at least be able to talk to one another. Ok...on to the thing that is REALLY bothering me. One of my bestest favorites is being a real ass to everyone. I never thought in a MILLION years I would be even thinking of calling him that...but that's what he's being. I don't know what has gotten into him but it's really bothering me and some other friends who care deeply about him. There were a couple of things that are really bothering me...like at his graduation party. I felt SOOOOO uncomfortable there. He didn't talk or even look in my direction when his girlfriend and some of his other friends showed up. But when he did look in my direction he seemed mad at me...like I did something wrong. Sorry I didn't want to talk to some people that don't seem to like me and I didn't want to feel even more uncomfortable than I already did. But after they left he was fine. He was talking to me and joking around. It's like he has to be two different people. There was something that he said yesterday that really got to me. I went to Dorney Park yesterday with ACTION Youth Group to help chaperon. But for some reason I felt sick to my stomach the WHOLE day. One of my other favorites met us there since he has a season pass and since we don't really get to do anything like that. But at the end of the day I felt really sick and I don't do good on buses when I'm sick. So I asked the head Advisor if it was ok that I went home with this other friend because I don't want to get sick on the bus. When I went back to get my stuff he was like "I thought you were an Advisor, why are you going home with *****?" I told him I didn't feel good and he was like "Yeah ok". It wasn't what he said it was HOW he said it that bothered me. It wasn't his normal joking around, it was kinda mean...like he didn't want me to go with this other friend AT ALL!!! I don't know if he doesn't want me hanging out with this friend or what. Maybe there's something more to it but I'm not sure. I really wish I knew what was going on. It really hurts when one of your bestest friends makes you feel like shit. I never thought he would make me feel this way. But even if he did...he said it first when I was fighting with another friend...I don't deserve to be treated this way or feel like this....:'-( ((hugs)) ~*K*~ 14 days til BSB concert...yes...that's right...I'm going to see the Backstreet Boys...and I can't fricken wait....at least I have something good to look forward to.... :-D