so tommorrow is my 17th birthday....am I excited? no why would I be? it's just another day, another year that I have regretfully survived a reminder I have no boyfriend to spend it with....fuck it....I dont need to feel sorry for myself on my birthday, I will probably go out with friends, get shit faced and commit petty vandilism ...isnt that what your suposed to do? I spend so much time acting mature about everything I never do anything fun anymore...it's all about school work, and work, and working out now....I need a break. I miss tina...We've hit a rough patch...perhaps I went a bit far with accuosing her about putting me down so much...she's only joking...right? ...I hope? but when you've heard the same things over and over again esspecially from your best friend,someone you love and would take a bullet for...it hurts, even if it is joking...not to say im a sensitive freak of nature the occasional "you'rr a gay attentionwhore" is fine but not all the time...I know she cant help it and doesn't understand why she says it...im the same way I do things and hurt people and cant understand why. I keep pushing my limits because I have nothing else to work for...running 3 km every morning until I pass out... 200 situps a day....but why am I doing it? who am I doing this for, me? no a guy? fuck no. I guess just the fact that I have nothing else to do. Ive been thinking about getting a temporary boyfriend to keep me warm at night until I leave for australia in the fall. I moving in with my brother at the end of the month...starting over again...I guess I should be used to it by now.