auch, the hot hot hot summer is here and the weather is f-i-n-e, i've been living at the beach for these couple of weeks :D hmm a lot has happened since those few notes i have written here. so i'm dating this one really sweet guy now, and we're having a lot of fun, and it does not make the matter worse that my best friend is eith one of his pals and that i am good friends with his friend(I even went to a school dance with his friend earlier this year). He's sweet, funny and good looking, and I'm always anxious to see him. And as my motto is carpe diem, I will not worry about anything, i'll just live it day by day. And this weekend was awesome, this guy friend of mine had a biiiig party and i had lots of fun there, both days! and then this friday it's gonna be hot too, i'm looking forward to it too. but see ya'll later, maybe at the beach ;)

not talking about the tv show^^ :D Right now I'm in a changing face in my life, you know, people leave town to go to college and I have almost a year left of school. And eve is moving out of here for about a year, and bridge is going to study next year in another city, but thank god she will still live here. I feel I have to come up with something new to mix my life up. Everything is ending, and I know that soon something is beginning but this middle state in between is just annoying. It just feels that time stands still right now. But hey, if youre reading this, leave a comment, I'd like to get to know some people in here 'cos I really have no idea what is this for :D

U know when you find something thats is just perfect, but still does not quite work out in the end for you. Losing it it may be your greatest escape. He was like that. Everything I should have desired, and everything I had wanted. But still something was off. We had chemistry, humour, honesty but the one thing I quite cannot point my finger att was off. And that is the one thing I will keep on searching. Realising this is like a gift from god(I don't belong to church, but the saying is god anyways :)) .and now im fine.

so hi again. hmm, kind of hard to write since the last thing, 'cos there I said it all. o mi god. I've got piles and piles og school work to do and still i'm sitting here and doing everything else exept write essays, yep, I got like five on my to do list, but nothing just gets done, I have a lack of inspiration, or maybe I'm just lazy. I'd like to believe the first one. So i'm gonna get my drivers license soon, yea, but before I do, my friends gets hers, just a couple months ahead. So next summer, watch out, I know we will be terrorising the streets. At least I warned you. But seriosly, it's gonna be so much fun, like hey, I can buy beer when I want and go to baar and shit. Wow, I guess I have been looking forward to this day like,um a few years. And I'm allright, I know that whatever the problems I have right now in my personal life, at least I got friends. Lovely, trustworthy, and especially Caring friends with a capital C. So they will pull me through, if I seem weak, which I'm trying to avoid. But sometimes you gotta be weak just to see who's there to pick you up. You know what I mean?

oh my god, I havent written anything since november, so i guess now is the time. Ok, I have kinda noticed, that when I have a bad period in my life, I tend to write here, and that's just because, I hang out at home more often these times. Ok, so I feel sad, cos I made a couple of huge mistakes, and I'm in the need of doctor phil :D ok, he's too annoying, but someone similar to him, 'cos I really wanna sort me and this mess out. So I wrote on november that me and eve were with this guy, who we had just become friends with. So now, 5 months later, were not anymore. At first we just started to spend a lot of time together, and then on december we just started to hang out just the too of us and spent the night together, at first just hanging out and being friends, and then like much more. Then he said he was tired of playing around and wanted to be together, and I said I'd think about it. Then on like, February we started our thang, and I went to a party and got drunk, and made out with this guy I have had a thing earlier this year too. Well, this first dude, lets call him mister X, obviosly found out, and said it was kinda ok, that we could still be together, but that I'd had to take it seriosly this time and stop playing around. I said no, and we parted in hmmm, well not so good ways. While this other guy (the one at the party) wanted my AOL address and we always talk there and everything, and see eachother at school, and have lots of fun. He all the time says the kinda things that he likes me, and bla bla, but he just doesnt do anything! I just feel that I cannot connect to this guy the same way I connected with x and I miss him, but im too proud to say anything. For the past month I have just been at home and cried my eyes off, 'cos I miss him so much. Since the breakup we have talked two times, and he has said his sorry for saying some bad shit the night we broke up, and he said that the thing between us does not bother him anymore. But at first when we broke up he said that he felt there was something there he could not explain, nor that I would ever understand it. Now I think I do, I have been so sad, cos I also lost a really good friend, our humour was the same and altough we fought, it was always in good spirit and it wasnt like fighting, just like the way that couples irritate each other. I feel I had made a huge mistake, what should i do? And I miss him so much as a friend, would be so cool to hang out and just be. Was the going over the friendzone a mistake? Should I wait that the party guy picks me up, or should I ty to get X back?

ah, im tired. of school. but soon its friday and i can hustla again :D i think were gonna go to this rentable house and drink with a bunch of people there. its gonna be loads of fun :D

^i love lyrics on this song particulaly. Hmm, last week i had a vacation, and it kinda went to drinking. I drank all days exept thursday. But Hey, why should I stop, i aint a quitter? :D Me and eve hanged out with these to guys like everyday and I had fun, theyre like so nice people and all. And we all have the same kinda humor, so we get along so great. But then my guy friend(who has tried to hit on me) got mad of it, and then there was kinda big mess, but thats ok now, he just doesnt like the fact that we like them and not him. annoying bastard, i Say. I have a day off tomorrow, and I was sick today, so I guess I¨ll like sleep till noon or like today, Ill sleep till 4pm :D well, a girl needs her sleep :D I feel I have changed as a person this fall. I see some things very different than before, and I try to avoid fighting very much. And I have used my time diffrently, like listened to new bands and writing lyrics alot, again, i had a long break in between. Its just fun to be creative and do stuff on your own, and see how they work out. I think Im more confident now than ever before, I like know me more, know more about my boundaries. But see, you, you made me smile, im so glad that i could write<3

Hi, I had my birthday just now. It was a lot of fun, I drank, but not too much, so I was just happy, exept for friday my nerves kinda went on eve, 'cos she is always annoying when she drinks :S I aint saying that I am perfect when I have a drink, but still. But I spent the night at one of my guy frinds house. Actually we havent known for long, and I at first, didn't like him very much but a couple of weeks a go we just hitted it off and since then I've liked him more every day. Then there was this other guy too, kinda a gigolo, but he's nice, not the type i would be with 'cos I dont do one night stands anymore, but he's funny as long as a girl knows how to keep her distance, you know what i mean? He has done some pretty shitty things to girls, who always assume that after they spend a night together, they will bet togetha 4eva, but hey, IT DOESNT GO LIKE THAT, GIRLS: DONT be dum! One night of fun doesnt mean you have to marry him, and so if youre good girls, dont do anything U might regret with guys like that. ok. made myself clear :D and saturday. mmm-mm- well about it later, now i gotta go.

Yikes. school started again, and I realised that I did not relax in summer, I am now as tired as then when schools ended in june. You know why. And now when school started, I have almost every day gone there with a hangover. O gee, i am an idiot. I shoul start studying, but itäs just that every night I take one beer, and then one beer leads to another one and so on and so on. But at least now im over jones. But now he is not over me, well it's his loss anyway. I saw him one night when i was with this dude in the park and he was so pissed when he saw me with him and I smiled, feeling glad that I could hurt him like he hurted me. Revenge felt good, and now i feel like shit. So what do we learn? Revenge is good, but it could make you feel like shit. But i'm happy now, I have turnd into a cold bastard again. gee, thanks. well maybe i have not turned completele, 'cos i'm still writing this shit. wow, i can be real complicated sometimes.

Oh my god. Its been a while since I last wrote. But i've been busy at work, I have been in kindergarten for two weeks and on friday i got my first paycheck and I kinda spent all the money over the weekend :D But hey, if im naturally good at shopping, I shouldn't let my talent get to waste. I think, i'm not healing as well I should be, I still have this deep scar on my, and the scartissue isnt even yet to be shown. This is of course a metaphor, for my heart breaking. I haven't seen jones in a while, I have kinda been avoiding, well of course I have been seeing him a little, but I avoid, cos everytime I see him it hurts like hell. I hope he hurts too. I saw him this one day when I was with David and he looked kinda angry, but its his fault anyway. ok mine too. but still. I hate myself 'cos im not really intrested on david and he tries so much that it almost hurts, and im just using him that jones will see that im over him. I think ill tell him that I'm with him fot all the wrong reasons. I keep thinking about this summer, and things that I should have done diffrent. I should like make a list of things I want to make right. First of all, I would like to erase my thing with jones's friend last autumn and winter, cos he still likes me and thats why this cannot work 'cos hes got some mental problems And i hate myself. The worst situation is that two guys like you but U cannot be with neither one cos they are friends and you sont want to ruin that. np.Alicia Keys - Why Do I feel so sad? oh shit im way screwed up and i miss him so. I wish I could like hold him for one minute, cos i dont think ill ever feel better, as time goes by, i just go from bad to worse. Am I a delight or what?

listening to : will.i.am and ferdie - true (cover of spandau ballet's 80's hit "True") feeling: anxious So. Hi. You now I have noticed that when I watch a movie after that I usually take a few songs out of that and get them for me. Like last night we watched 50 first dates and now I have almost every song of that movie in my computer. I really liked it. It was mellow and nice. I have had kinda weird weekend. I havent been drinking or anything. But it's 'cos I had to go to work. Yep, me working??? Who would have guessed, but I kinda like it. I get to be with kids, who are annoying but sweet too. I work in this cool kindergarten and the ladies who work there are nice too. But this weekend has kinda been a horror movie for me. Jones went to this music thing for the weekend and I'm kinda afraid that he will mess with someone there. And he really could do it, you know I don't own him. I ain't even close. But at least now I am clear of my feelings. I last saw him on wednesday, and so it's been too long. And I was drunk on tuesday so if I saw him, I kinda don't remember :D ah, you don't now how much I would like to drink a beer or two and more. And don't be concerned, I couldn't be an alcoholic 'cos I don't have the money for that. "So true funny how it seems always in time, but never in line for dreams Head over heels when toe to toe This is the sound of my soul, this is the sound" oh, i luv this. well, se ya. sofia.

:x: name= Sofia :x: piercings= 3, earrings and one in my belly :x: tattoos= no, but soon i'll have one. :x: height= 5'6 :x: shoe size= 6? :x: hair color= black, but it's dyed :x: siblings= 1 bro, 2 sistas LAST... :x: movie you rented = love story :x: movie you bought = seven :x: song you listened to = switchfoot - i dare you to move :x: song that was stuck in your head= yhe 411 - dumb :x: cd you bought = the ramones - anthology :x: cd you listened to = the distillers - sing sing deathhouse :x: person you've called = brit :x: person that's called you = Laura :x: tv show you've watched = paradise hotel :D best reality ever :x: person you were thinking of = well uh me, or this one guy. not gonna tell u who. DO... :x: you have a crush on some= Yeah. and life is woth living. jeah. :x: you wish you could live somewhere else = los angeles, california. :x: you think about suicide = no :x: you believe in online dating = not really :x: others find you attractive = i hope so :x: you want more piercings = yep :x: you like cleaning = sometimes i do. :x: you like roller coasters = yep. exept when i get sick in them. :x: you write in cursive or print = Print HAVE YOU... :x: ever cried over a girl= i believe so, for my friends or something. :x: ever cried over a boy = absolutely. :x: ever lied to some = every day. :x: ever been in a fistfight = yep and i won. :x: ever been arrested = not really. pulled over, but not arrested. Number.... :x: of times I have been in love =love is a strong word. so i think i havent yet been in love. :x: of times I have had my heart broken= too many. :x: of girls I have kissed =none :x: of boys I have kissed= many. 20-30? :x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?= 6 :x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = 5-8 :x: of scars on my body? = a few. :x: of things in my past that I regret? = that i did what i did. and i did wrong. and a few guys i have made out with. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... :x: pretty? yea :x: funny? absofuckinlutely <. :x: hot? yep. been in the sun the hole day. :x: friendly? yea :x: amusing? mainly :x: ugly? noup. :x: loveable? hope so. :x: caring? ya :x: sweet? yeas :x: dorky? kinda always :D but that's cool FAVORITE: :x: word: it ain't wrong :x: actor/actress: sarah michelle gellar/johnny depp :x: band: too many. :x: candy: m&m's :x: cartoon: simpsons :x: cereal: wheetos :x: chewing gum: orbit :x: color(s): black,red :x: color nail polish: red,black,white :x: day of week: fridaY :x: jewelry: earrings, rings, necklaces,belly putton jewelry :x: movie(s): so many. too many. seven :D :x: song: right now blink 182- down or asthenia. :x: special skills/talents: i can sing and act and do sports. i'm a great swimmer. :x: summer/winter: summer :x: trampolines or swimming pools: pools || Friendship/Love || :x: Do you believe in love at first sight?: yes sir. :x: Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: 2 or 4 || You || :x: Nickname(s): mama, fia, iza, amb. :x: How old do you look?: hmm i think 17 :x: How old do you act?: depends on my mood. i can be deep but i can be cheap :D :x: Glasses/Contacts: contacts :x: Braces: no! :x: Do you have any pets?: 4rats :x: You get embarrassed: not really. :x: What upsets you?: stuff || Finish the sentence: || :x: I Love: jones :x: I Miss: jones :x: I Wish: i lived in la or in australia. or in italy. :x: I Hope: that i'll find something meaningfull in the future :x: I'm Annoyed by: people cos they equal shit :D :x: I Am: great. :x: I Want to be: a bit taller. :x: I Would Never: i never say never ;) :x: I'd Rather be: with jones. :x: I Am Tired of: jones. :x: I Will Always be: yours || Have you ever.. || :x: Thought you were going to die: i think so. :x: Wanted to Run away: yes, definetly. :x: Flunked a grade: yes :x: Skipped a grade: yea :x: Told someone you loved them and lied: no sir. :x: Watch an X files marathon: No i haven't

Hey again. I have'nt written anything since weekend. It's was too crazy, I like drank the hole weekend and slept like 3hours. then on sunday night I went to sleep and woke 15hours later. so pretty good, huh? On friday I went to this karaoke placa. It was crazy and we sang all the legendary songs there. I drank to much bear and too much booze, and when I got home it was 11am. whoo, well I didn't feel like sleeping so I got out. The we went to tombas house and that party rocked! we drank boose the hole night and then at one point there were only 3persons awake and we talked really crazy things. Today I just sunbathed and stuff. Its really warm. Wohoo summer finally. and my job starts next week. yikes. :S I saw Jones too on the weekend. But then I messed up things again. Why me? I still like him anyways, he's my drug. love-or attaraction or i dunno what this is should be easy, not so hard, but still I can't forget him. He's too, too mine. And he's so my type. And i'm his. So why can't we work this out? bla,bla. So I kinda was drunk and made out with this dude, and now he's in love with me :(((. I messed up. And he wants to see me, and it's kinda hard to say that i aint intrested. And I saw this guy with Jones today. I hope hes not gonna tell Jones what we did. Argh. Well tomorrow I'll fix that and kick Jones'es ass. Sweet ass, by the way ;) HAh, I really dont sound like me at all. mucho love, sofia

np. d'angelo - untitled HEY. I'm again here 'cos I'm not feeling sleepy at all. So I think I should tell more about myself. So my name is Sofia, and i'm 17years old. I'm 5'6 and my hair is black and my eyes are dark brown. And my hair is dyed, itäs really blonde. Or blondish nowdays i think. I have one brother, and two sisters, and they are all older than me. So i'm the babygirl of my family. lol. I live with my mom, my parents divorced a little over a year ago, but things are still kinda messy, 'cos my mom has health issues. She's manic-depressive, and that's hard for me. She is still trying to get my dad back, and my dad kinda teases her and sometimes invites her to his house. So it's really weird. I have been trying to explain to both of them that their relationship hasn't ever been healhy, 'cos mom was a shop-a-holic and dad cheated her, but they don't seem to get my point. My sisters and brother live in other parts of the country so I don't reach them very often. Right now I'm thinking that i'll get a place of my own and start all over there. But I don't still really hate my life, I have music and I have great friends, who always cheer me up and listen. And I listen to them. That is what friends are for. I listen to many bands and different kinds of music from soul to heavy and from punk to r'n'b, 'cos I think that there is so much great music out there. I write songs, poems and I sing a lot. I love food, and the good thing about it that it doesn't show in my hips, so I can eat what I want without having to check my weight all the time. I'm addicted in coca-cola, and I laugh a lot. I have a really wild imagination and I'm energetic usually and I like to do those sort of things what I can later tell to my granchildren "your grandma kicked ass...". Those stories will live on :D I live in europe, but I'd like to travel a lot and maybe when I'm older, move away from this country. But still, I never really wanna grow up, 'cos grown ups are usually so depressive. I like animals, and I have four rats living in my castle, I used to have a cat but it died a few years back. And you know what??? I ALWAYS fall for the bad boys. I would kinda like to have a guy who holds my hand and stuff, but the criminals are just more me. MY heart is now broken, because of a bad boy. And think that in the start of this I had a choice between a good guy and the bad, and I chose the bad one. But still, my choice wasn't wrong, I know it in my heart. I just like him. Still. But I'll see him on friday, so we'll see what happens. quote:-This is my truth, tell me yours-

this quiz: You scored as Punk/Rebel. Punk/Rebel88%Stoner44%Prep/Jock/Cheerleader38%Goth25%Drama nerd25%Ghetto gangsta25%Loner19%Geek6%What's Your High School Stereotype?created with QuizFarm.com This was so true. :D haha i'm a rebel. yeah. Today wen't well. I saw a some friends that I haven't seen in a long time and we had a great time together. Didn't see Jones but I didn't really care. Oh wait. Yes I saw him but I I didn't wanna go where he was 'cos I didn't want to walk all way up there and my ex-something was there too so :( . but it didn't really matter. He stares too much. I'm beginning to think that he has got some serious issues. Like I do. ____YOUR LIFE____ [x] they call me: Sofia, fia. [x] also: mandy [x] sex: Baby girl [x] my first breath of air: in a cold october night [x] age: 17 [x] status: single/undecided. :D [x] occupation: Student [x] nationality: you can guess it. [x] best homegirl[s]: Brit, Laura and Emily. luv em. ____REWIND____ [x] most memorable memory: last summers trip. awesome. [x] worst?: when my heart broke the first time. all the times when it has been broken. [x] first word uttered: mom? [x] first bestfriend ever!?: Summer. ____FAST FORWARD____ [x] college planning to go: i don't know [x] future resident of: California [x] wedding: I'll have on this princess dress and i'll get to marry my prince. [x] children: many kids. i think i'll adopt a few. [x] looking forward to: friday. i'll drink then and try to forget my messy situation, or then i'll try to solve it. [x] NOT looking forward to: going to school. growing up. ____PLAY____ [x] feeling: kinda tired, but calm. [x] Listening: garbage [x] Talking: to seth, i'll go out soon to smoke a cigarette. [x] doing: thinking and writing this. [x] craving: coke [x] thinking of: what time i should go to bed [x] hating: thi rain. wish the sun would come out. ____LOVE?____ [x] love is: the thing u can't live without. [x] first love: hmm. jack. [x] current love: jones [x] love or lust?: love [x] best love song: the song from the beauty and the beast, and blink 182's i'm lost without you. there are so many others, too. [x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person @ the same time?: It's possible to like more than one person at a time, but not to love them both. we'll maybe in different ways. [x] when love hurts, you: worry, cry, have long talks with friends and listen to music. a lot. [x] true or false - all you need is love: true [x] have you ever been in love?: yeah [x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: i dunno ____THE OPPOSITE SEX____ [x] turn ons: eyes, smile, the way he talks. just about everything. the way he looks at you like you are the only person there. [x] turn offs: that he is too anxius. rudeness. [x] does your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you? : well if they like him its good, but if they don't then i don't really care. [x] what kinda hair style?: it really doesn't matter. punk look is sexy. [x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: kept me warm and told that i'm more beautiful than the moon

Oh shit. I wrote like an hour this diary and then the computer didnät send it so here we go again. np. Green Day - Give me Novocaine ^^ love this song. it's so. hmm, can't quite describe it, but it's great. So today. hmm. I slept kinda late. till 2.30pm. pretty good, huh? The I went joy riding with some friends (you know that u drive a car around the city without really going anywhere. it's fun). and then i went with brid to this kind of a mall place. luv it. we ate there something (salad was great) and then went to play some games, and the jones came there. well not really there but I turned around and saw him there staring at me. then i turned back and got these butterflies. kinda. SO at this point you probably donät know what I am saying so Iäll explain to you who jones is and our story. So, Jones is this boy who last year went to the same school than me, and my friend had been togetha with his friend and I't didn't end well so i think he doesn't really like brid. Brid is now with Jones'es other friend, and he hardly talks at her. But still. So I got to know him las autumn when I was drinking somewhere. We just clicked right away and talked a lot. Then I was kinda drunk and made out with his friend, who the really intrested in me. Well that thing didn't last long. I saw him in winter occasionally at school, but we are in different groups so we didn't really talk. Then his other friend harrassed me in school but that's nothing. Then in april, we we're at a party, we're we talked again and slept together (and to clear this all we did was sleep.really.) then about three weeks ago we we're at this party and kissed and stuff, and the next week it happened again. after that I have kinda avoided him, 'cos my I'm kinda afraid to admit I like him. And because he's kinda in an other group then me. I have friends who don't like his friends and so on. He wanted to see me sober, but I kinda declined the offer. I did that because I didn't wanna admit to him/myself that I had feelings for him. And now this sucks. Am I great or what??? :D But we'll see. But you know, when i kissed him i felt something. I haven't felt that in a long time. When I was with Max, i had that feeling but it's been two years after that. So it's about time. Sure I have been with dudes after that, but I havne't really felt anything and the thing is always over before it really has started. well. we will see.

Three Things You Hate: 1. people who think they know me 2. people who are way too religious 3. spiders Three Friends Who Make You Laugh: 1. brid 2. emily 3. laura(shes really good at it.) Three Things You Love: 1. music 2. laughing 3. movies Three Things You Dislike: 1. people who are assholes 2. math 3. school You Don't Understand: 1. jones 2. myself 3. mom's and dad's relationship Three Things You Are Doing Right Now: 1. talking to few friend through msn messanger 2. drinking coke 3. listening to eva cassidy-time after time Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die: 1. go to california and learn how to surf 2. get my own studio and do music in there 3. marry and get divorced the next day in vegas Three Things You Can Do: 1. sing 2. write lyrics 3. lift one eyebrow at a time Three Ways To Describe My Personality: 1. crazy 2. wild and filled with ideas 3. roughly energetic Three Ways To Describe My Looks: 1. dark brown eyes 2. long black hair 3. kinda tall.5'6 Three Things I Can't Do: 1. decide on anything.im a libra, and its so obvious 2. concentrate in school 3. go to sleep early Three Foods You Absolutely Love: 1. italian food 2. mac and cheese 3. hamburgers Three Things You'd Like To Learn: 1. drums 2. skate more better, now i aint so good 3. surf Two Beverages You Drink Daily: 1. ice tea 2. coke Three Shows You Watched As A Kid: 1. teenage mutant ninja turtles 2. babar 3. disney classics

np. the sundays - wild horses "I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie, I have my freedom but I don't have much time Faith has been broken tears must be cried, Let's do some living after we die Wild Horses, Couldn't drag me away, Wild, wild horses, We'll ride them someday" I feel like i have spilled my water cup, and now I can't get another one. Weird, huh? All my LASTS: Last Cigarette: a few hours ago, but i'm gonna go for one after i have written this. Last Alcoholic Drink: I think it was on sunday. Yep. Last Car Ride: tonight, tonight. Last Good Cry: hmm. i haven't had 'em in a long time. i hide my emotions. well, i cried a little when i saw love story tonight. Last Library Book: some mystic-tragic-thriller. Last book bought: it was for school. Last leisure book? I don't remember. maybe something like bridget jones. Last Movie Seen in Theatres: xXx2 Last Movie Rented: mystic river Last Cuss Word Uttered: shit Last Beverage Drank: coke Last Food Consumed: pasta, it was really good. Last Crush: This sweet dude. i think i could really like him even more. well, we'll see about that. Last Phone Call: my friend tom Last TV Show Watched: conan o'brien Last Time Showered: 8 hours ago Last Shoes Warn: white boxing shoes Last CD Played: the distillers - sing sing death house Last Item Bought: ice tea with lemon Last Annoyance: people Last Disappointment: him. Last Soda Drank: coke Last Thing Written: coke Last Key Used: e Last Words Spoken: "good night" Last Sleep: last night Last Ice Cream Eaten: chocolate with something good. Last Chair Sat in: the one i'm sitting on, itäs this blue thingy. not at all comfortable. Last Webpage Visited: livejournal