Oh my god. Its been a while since I last wrote. But i've been busy at work, I have been in kindergarten for two weeks and on friday i got my first paycheck and I kinda spent all the money over the weekend :D But hey, if im naturally good at shopping, I shouldn't let my talent get to waste. I think, i'm not healing as well I should be, I still have this deep scar on my, and the scartissue isnt even yet to be shown. This is of course a metaphor, for my heart breaking. I haven't seen jones in a while, I have kinda been avoiding, well of course I have been seeing him a little, but I avoid, cos everytime I see him it hurts like hell. I hope he hurts too. I saw him this one day when I was with David and he looked kinda angry, but its his fault anyway. ok mine too. but still. I hate myself 'cos im not really intrested on david and he tries so much that it almost hurts, and im just using him that jones will see that im over him. I think ill tell him that I'm with him fot all the wrong reasons. I keep thinking about this summer, and things that I should have done diffrent. I should like make a list of things I want to make right. First of all, I would like to erase my thing with jones's friend last autumn and winter, cos he still likes me and thats why this cannot work 'cos hes got some mental problems And i hate myself. The worst situation is that two guys like you but U cannot be with neither one cos they are friends and you sont want to ruin that. np.Alicia Keys - Why Do I feel so sad? oh shit im way screwed up and i miss him so. I wish I could like hold him for one minute, cos i dont think ill ever feel better, as time goes by, i just go from bad to worse. Am I a delight or what?