holaa... So yesterday..hung out around the house, did nothing what so ever, but i cleaned my closet out and found some clothes i havent seen in awhile, i missed em :-) thenn miss Jessica called, talked to her for awhile, got on hurrr and talked, Zachary didn't call.. surprise surprise. Joshua kept me up until 9:50!! I wanted to go to bed at like 9:30 too, rawr. Its all goood. Todayy, finals ughh. What more can I say on that. Fucking dumbass school didnt let us out until 3:10 because it was thundering n lightning. I mean come on now havent we ever seen this shit before?!! Fuckin retards. That definately pissed me off. Came homeee, call Jessy, now on here talkin and updating. So hungry.. it's like 6:13 but i dont wanna make my own dinner. I'll just order from Jericho :p Thats like my 2nd home biatches!! :D Umm tomorrow, more finals.. grr. Just one tho. But still... Gonna eat dinner soon, then doin whatever, then calling mr Zachary. Gotta try and work shit out with him. These fights just arent worth it anymore guys..they never were. But I hate fighting with you. Tired of being weak and feeling bad everytime you get pissed at me. I dont wanna do that. This summer is definately gonna kill us though, the "2 different lives" thing is really gonna kick in. I wanna hang out with you, but babe..it wont work out that way and you cant deny that. And the lovely Josheyy, I dont even know whats up with you anymore. I liked you so much, all year, and when I found out you didnt like me I wasnt just gonna stick around for nothing, so I moved on to a great guy, then like a month later of being in a new relationship, I find out that you like me. All the feelings I once felt for you, came back. I felt so guilty for liking two guys at the same time, when I should just be loving my boyfriend. But it never works out that way now does it? I spent my time being confused and blaming myself for being stupid. And when me and my boyfriend broke up, I wont lie.. you were part of the reason, because he thought I liked you but it was so much more than that. And I did like you. Then I didnt feel so guilty because I wasnt committed to him anymore. We hung out more and everything, which was great. But I never got the chance to hang out with you AT ALL. I always had those guts feelings that you really didnt like me, and I never really did find out that answer anyway. Like, I knew that you liked me but I didnt know if you were gonna do anything about it. That hurt. So I kinda pulled myself away again and just flirted with you like usual when we talked. Now 3 days of school left, and I still never got to hang out with you not even once. You're graduating on Saturday and leaving in a few months. Time flew by so fast and I never did anything about it with you. I met a great guy and he made me happy although we fought a lot, hell we still do but were just not together. But you both confuse me, which means all thats going on in my mind is confusion. Maybe this summer will help me move on and find whats best for me. I dont wanna sound selfish, but I need to have some happiness. Is that too much to ask? The smile covers all guys, the pain, the drama, everything. No matter how happy I can seem sometimes, that doesnt mean that I dont think about all this shit. Other than my family, BOYS cause me stress. Whew, hadda get that off my chest. Okay so now, I'm gonna go get dinner. My fucking entry deleted itself so I had to re-do it and make it mucho longer :) But god damn thing. Lata gataaa ♥