I still know my password to this??? Oh man... I threw away or, as I learned from one of my posts here, burned(???) all my diaries, so this is all I have left of my early teenage years. What a weirdo. I went through every single post and here's a summary of my blog:

1) IT'S RAINING I HATE THE RAIN I CAN'T PLAY TENNIS WHY IS RAIN I MUST DESTORY THE RAIN

2) Hey readers, there's this boy and a thing is happening that has to do with this boy but I can't tell you anything other than that. But I am UPSET.

3) HAHA I'M SO EMOOOO

4) Eh.

5) Meh.

6) Nothing happened today.

7) Sarah! Sarah, if you want to know more, go on AIM!

The highlights of my blog are:

1) NICOLE'S SUDDENLY WEARING PUNK/ROCK CLOTHES, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY PRETTY, SLUTTY SISTER, SHE'S STEALING MY IDENTITY. I MUST DESTROY SISTER.

2) MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE EMO BOY HAIR IT'S SO UGLY I LOOK LIKE AM EMO BOY I WANT TO DIE

So much anger just spurting out everywhere, goodness. I was such an angry kid. But I was also struggling with depression, a shitload of anxiety and self-harm. So weird to look back on all this and read the posts where it's very clear that I'm not just an angsty "emo" kid, and had actual legitimate mental health problems.

Honestly, though, wow Teenage Alicia. There was never drama when you said drama was happening. Jessica may have been flirting with those boys but not to hurt you. None of those boys were worth your attention anyway (except Matt Stith probably, WHOSE NAME I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REMEMBER FOR YEARS). Nicole WAS NOT stealing your identity, she was exploring her own. You do believe in best friends, and it's Brian. A boy will hurt you more than you think you can bear, but you'll move on and flourish when you let yourself. You'll find your voice and your passion and everything will be scary but you'll no longer feel small and ugly and useless. YOU WILL WEAR GLASSES AGAIN AND SOMETIMES DRESS "LIKE A STUPID PREP." You will still hate the rain BUT 100% QUIT TENNIS! It's okay, Teenage Alicia, it helps with your anxiety. In your early twenties, you'll fall back into your depression and make a plan to kill yourself. When you think you're getting a sign to not follow through with this plan, you're right. It is a sign. Life is big and scary and tough, but so are you.