Hey Peoples. How are ya? Me? I guess you can see i'm doing okay. I am sorry to have had to cut my last entry short. So, schools good. I'm a tutor so that's cool. my mom and step-dad are at war again, well, hmmm did they every really stop fighting? I guess not. We have homecoming at church tomorrow. I am supposed to be singing(Susan recruited me! LOL) Then we are going to go out to do servant evangelism. Basically do something good for someone and then share the Gospel with them. Hmmmm. I talked to Eric. I love Him sooooooo very much. I never used to believe in a soul mate. I always thought that I was supposed to go through life unhappy and alone. It still amazes me. My whole life I was "programed" to believe that I was nothing. That no one would ever love me no matter what I did. I always felt really weird whenever someone showed me any sign of affection. Even when I was dating Dean, he was very kind and loving towards me and I didn't know how to handle it. I am glad that he has found his love. I haven't talked to Ashley for a few days. I am soo glad that she is happy. I know she has been unhappy for so long. I am glad she has found someone to make her happy. Eric gets frustrated with me a lot of the time. He hates that I can't take complements from him. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am and I just can't believe it. He calls me his Queen. He tells me that he would kill anyone that tries to hurt me, he says that he would do anything for me, that all i have to do is ask. I love him so so so much! I thank God for him everyday. He holds me together when I just want to fall apart. He tries so hard to show me how much I mean to him. These kittens are fighting with each other. They are sooo cute. they all jump on each other and roll around on the floor. My sister is watching "Because of Winn Dixie" I guess it is a cute movie, but I haven't watched the whole thing. Have you ever felt like just running away? I feel like that everyday of my life. I don't want to feel tied down. I don't want to have to be under all this stress. I want to be a new person. One who doesn't have to worry about counting calories, or punishing myself for eating anything, or cutting myself just because there is too much stress. I am so tired of being me. Why do I have to have this disease? Why me? Borderline personality Disorder. Why? I have had several arguments with God about that. It is a disease that forces me to hate myself. It makes me cling to everyything that will hurt me. That is why I hold onto ANA and Mia and SI so tightly. Why? Why can't i let go? I am so confused. i have gotta go Kayla