THE GUIDE. 1. Pepper your typed speech with a bunch of unecessary spaces, i's and x's. It'll make you seem a lot emo-er, because the x's represent your broken heart of woe. Also, use lots of little hearts made of lesser than signs and threes. And slashes, if you're really cool, but this is of course only for very hardcore people who are sure that they want to venture so deeply into this occult world of sadness and anGST. 2. Two words: TIGHT. PANTS. Oh, and dyed black hair. Can't be without the dyed black hair. If you're really adventurous, get a few bleached streaks. It'll show people you're serious about your new-found lonliness--uh, lifestyle. 3. Get a myspace. And then take pictures of yourself at impossible angles, and photoshop them so that you look like you're crying blood, or in a sea of blackness or something else equally emo. 4. Be straight edge, or SxE. No one likes a drunk emo-kid. Now, if you're not willing to give up the drugs or alcohol, then emo is not for you. It's necessary to have all our cognition powers when we venture into the world of slowly moshing men who look like women, and women who look like men who are trying not to look like women. 5. Cut your hair in a very bizarre fashion. Lots of layers works, as long as you have a fringe of bangs that you can hide under so people actually have to look at you to see you crying and not just hear you from the next stall over the in bathroom. 6. Photography. Art. Poetry. These are your friends. Well, actually, you're emo, you don't have friends, but they're the closest you'll ever get. Invest in a digital camera, a black mottled notebook and some colored pencils. You'll only use the black one, so no need for a huge set. Make lots of artwork with people bleeding and crying. Write lots of poetry with people bleeding and crying. Take lots of pictures of people bleeding and crying. 7. Lonliness is the key. To fulfill your newfound artistic muse, you'll need to get a mirror, because as an emo-kid, you don't have any friends. Or muscles, for that matter. 8. LIVEJOURNAL. Or Xanga, or whatever. Something that you can blog in, and have people glance and comment at how very sad you are, and how you shouldn't kill yourself just yet because you mean the world to someone, even though that someone might a) be living in like...Equatorial Guinea or b) doesn't really want anything to do with you because you're just so goddamn emo! 9. Whine and rave and rant and whine about your ex-relationship. Even if it's been a a week, or a month, or three years. The world has a right to know how upset you are. Also, the world isn't going to do a damn thing about it because you don't let them, so whining if perfectly harmless. Unless someone gets fed up and shoots you. In which case you'll be happy. And dead. Lifeless, like a telephone. 10. Last but not least, LABEL YOURSELF EMO. If you don't label yourself, how will you inspire others to do so? Which rhymes with woe. (tears of semicolons fall) ;