I guess it only makes sense to come back to this... Full circle, right? I wish wish wish that I hadn't deleted all my old entries from the summer of '04. And yeah, I've been on sD that long. Crazyyy. I guess it only makes sense to come back to you... this is what we're made of♥

Wow... It's been awhile since I've written in this. I've got a new sitDiary, wildflower. I'm sitting at home bored, it's 3:10 and I'm home with bronchitis or however you spell it. Just decided to take a little stroll down memory lane. I miss what happened in this diary. Not this diary but I mean... I miss the memories. The good ones, anyway. I've got a new boyfriend. I've got a new bestfriend. I'm older. Tomorrow is my birthday. November 3rd, 1990. 15 years ago tomorrow I came out of my mother's womb and graced the world with my presence. Hard to believe that I've been through so much in fifteen years, but why do I feel so bored? This is the party without the people. This is a show without the sound. This is a dance without the steps.

I dont even want to write what's been happening. Life is alright, I guess. I'm using a different diary from now on. . . www.sitdiary.net/wildflower Later, guys.

Ive changed again. sitdiary.net/wildflower be there or be square.

Well the first few days of school [as in... today, and yesterday] have been good! I like my classes and stuff. My teachers are really cool. Brooke is in my 4th period so that's super. What else... Uh, I have my own locker now. Thankfully. But, I'm sharing with Jon-Spahn. Because he's a 11th grader && they don't get lockers any more so I offered to share 'cause I'm a generous person. Mine & Kody's 2 month is coming up Friday. So that should be really good. Brooke is deserting me to go to Sunset Junction this Saturday. Haha, she better have fun or I'll kill her!! :) < 33. Shes going with cute boys anyway so it's good for her. Oh my god, there's this black guy in my class named Aron (yes. He spells his name, Aron, instead of aaron. or erin. or eryn.) who says "thurr, hurr, whurr"...anything ending in "re" with that stupid Chingy accent. Its so annoying. My Math teacher can't count in English. My English teacher says bitch and damn, and doesn't care if you do or not. My Biology teacher drives a VW van & listens to The Clash. Man, I'm so siked for school. ♥Justine

have a good first day of school, everybody. hahaha... eughh. well anyway today was a good day. the show last night kind of sucked but Id + The FM's were rad so it was okay. I went to Kassies and then we messed around or whatever for awhile and then I fell asleep watching Orange County and then at 4 Kass woke me up telling me to turn around (I was asleep at the foot of her bed instead of the top) so we went to bed. so we woke up at like 12:30 and then we've been on a picnic for a bit and we're walking around downtown. oh my god, we found a pitbull. she's sooo cute. it's sad though, she's all skinny and stuff. we think she's abused. well anyway g2g. Love justine

Why hello there! I'm just hanging out at Brooke's. Again. That's okay though, we're cool anyway. I'm angry because I woke up at 8:40 this morning and I was late and I had to swish with mouthwash because I didn't get to brush my teeth and I had to wear the same shirt from yesterday and I didn't even get a chance to do any thing with my hair but I used the scarf thing I bought in Sacramento as a headband so it looked OK. Then I get to Buena [late] and I didn't even get to make up my picture because they're like, "No, we're charging you $5." so I was like, Well fuck that. Plus yesterday I didn't get my schedule because they say I have "obligations" so I have to pay those and then I'll get my schedule and my ID. But afterward I hung out with Brooke and we went to Subway and the library and then her house. And I went over to Kody's. We had a super gnarly talk. I don't even want to talk about it but man, that took a LOT out of me. I got home around 10 or so and then I just sat around and watched TV or whatever until I hit the sack around 2:30. Friday I'm having a little get together at my casa. It's going to be fuuuun. We're watching Sin City and eating lots of junk food and I have a feeling we're going to wander around the neighborhood doing incredibly strange and random things. HoooRawwww! ♥♥

Well, life is better since that previous entry. We're back together and stuff. I don't know. I don't even know anymore. You know? It's like... Gah. Last night I went to the Mama Jojo show with Kody, Glen, and Josh. That was alright, I guess. I was bummed for like 90% of the show but oh well. I just gave up on shit. You know? Now Im chilling at Brooke's. We're not really doing any thing. I just thought I would update really quick. Well bye. ♥. --Justine

I love you. Let's take a break for a little while. Interesting sentence structure. You know, boys are just as indecisive as girls are. He called this morning and asked if I still wanted to come over. The smart side of me wanted to say No, I'm not and I won't until you get your head on straight. But of course, the stupid, retarded side of me says Yeah, Ill go. He tried to get into the conversation of how he wants to 'go through this' (whatever he's going through) with me but the "ONLY REASON" he "decided to take a break" was because I told Josh that he's been super snappy and I feel like I have to watch what I say around him because lately he can't even take a joke. So I told him that we wouldn't talk about it over the phone, I want to talk about it in person and I refused to talk about it on the phone or else it would totally bum me out. We'll see what happens. We woke up at like 7:30 today. There was a sonic boom last night, supposedly. I mean it was like 3:30 in the morning and I was kind of asleep but not, and all of a sudden there's a huge BANG! and the TV rocks like an inch out of the frame of the hutch thing. I guess it was the shuttle coming back into the atmosphere. I fell back to sleep around 10:00 or so, almost near the end of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I just woke up at like 12:30. Hoo-raw. &&howwrongweweretothinkthatimmortalitymeantneverdying

The show was so fun. I had a total blast. I barrelled into Max's legs like fourteenbajillionandsix times and my shins feel like they're going to splinter into a thousand teeny pieces from being pounded into the stage so many times and I smell from being all sweaty and my arm is totally scratched up from falling onto the speaker and grinding against it. That was by far one of the funnest shows Ive been to in a looong time. The pit was so great!! Zack Marshall and Glen and Daniel kept pushing me and I kept flying forward onto the stage and squashing Keshara. Poor girl! [Sorry, Keshara!!] I was kind of bummed before hand just 'cause, I dunno, I was in a shitty mood. Even while Sexual Jedi was playing. And then Crazy Jennette started playing and like... You can't be bummed or angry while seeing them live. You just CAN'T. This band Your Mom's An Idiot had a lead singer who looked like a mix of Jesus and Charles Manson (but with curly black hair instead of long brown hair). It was soo funny. He was nuts, though. They were cool and all, really rad, but they got shut down early 'cause he was being too wild. He had the stage presence of Iggy Pop, too. Im such a dork! Me and Kody are okay again. I didnt call him all day and I didnt really think about it at all either and I just read and stuff with Brooke at Barnes n Noble and he called before the show. Even at the show we werent together very much but its all good. Gahh. Im so hyper!! We're making Max a cake on Tuesday. Monday Im going to the fair with Brooke, Keshara, probably Jenna, and I dont know who else! Keshara invited me. Yay! "Im gonna make like a fetus & head out!" --Max Gualtieri DUDE! That reminds me. I totally groped his leg. It was great. K. PEACE AND LOVE! ♥Justinee "Heaven isn't a place you go when you die It's that moment in life you actually feel alive..." Edit: Yeahh... so last night Kody decided to "take a break" for a couple of weeks so he can get his shit together or something. I dunno. Its funny 'cause I totally knew it was coming as soon as I answered the phone. Boys all do the same thing when they have bad news, "*sighhh...* Can we talk?" Fuuuck. I don't even know what to think right now. He PROMISES that we'll get back together in a couple weeks but dude how many guys have kept their promises to me? He says he loves me but I guess this will tell me all I need to know... Fuckbeans. FUCKBEANS. I fucking HATE boys. all hail the god damn heartbreaker. ♥justine

So I lied. Shit isn't worked out and shit isn't great. Fuck it. I'm sick of being all bummed. I'm determined to leave him alone for awhile. If he wants to talk to me then he can go right ahead and Ill be glad to talk to him, 'cause you know, I miss him & love him and ish. Im also determined to clean my room, rearrange it & do laundry today. I have 6 hours. Haha. The show last night was OK... There wasnt alot of people there but Id played good. Monroe was cool too. Turns out the people who play across the street from me are Mama JoJo, so that was kind of funny. I sorta flipped my lid on the phone with Kody and got all bummed and shit. Same happened last night. Needless to say Im running on two hours of sleep and a can of pepsi. Hooray for sugar highs! Im going to be fucking wrecked tonight. Who the fuck cares, anyways? ♥ Justine

Well, I guess Kody saw that last entry so we had a big discussion about it last night & he offered to stop smoking for me. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, that would be really rad of him but I don't want him to stop doing something just because of me, you know?? I don't want to be one of those stupid girlfriends who try and control their boyfriends. I'm not a controlling person in general. I felt so lame 'cause I almost started crying because we were talking about my dad and ish and it was just weird. I haven't really talked about him like that in a long time. Since group. I don't like to cry in front of people. I don't like to CRY. Well, that got cleared up. So all is well. :]. I read Pretty Things yesterday. That book was really cute!! I want a gay friend now! Charlie was soo adorable and funny. I hated the girl, Daisy, though. She's a huge bitch. She actually expected the guy Walker to allow her to date him and her girlfriend, Claire. When Claire doesn't even want her, really!! Sorry, I get into books. I'm a nerd. Today Brooke & I & possibly Kody are going downtown for a bit. Then, the Id show♥! Hoo-raw!! I'm really excited. I haven't seen Id play for awhile. Tomorrow is Sexual Jedi & Crazy Jennette! ♥Justine

I redid the look. I got bored with the other one. Today... I don't know. I woke up with the urge to redecorate my room. I think I'll do that. I'm also wanting to walk to Barnes n Noble or something to go read. I want to finish Better Than Running At Night. Brookie also wants to make cake, so I want to do that too! But, I also want to see Kody! Gah. I haven't been able to see him or talk to him much the last few days. I don't know. I know this is going to sound so stupid and all but it bugs me when he smokes. Weed. He wouldn't understand the reasons why and I don't want to tell him because that will just cause drama and stuff but like... I don't know. It's just frustrating. Even Josh noticed that when they were talking about it [getting stoned] I just got kinda quiet and such. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I can't wait to see Crazy Jennette. Only 48 more hours (give or take a few)! This is the first time I've been in one of those antsy-always-have-to-be-doing-something moods. I think it's because I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. Something like that. Whatever. Anyway I'm bored so, "I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out!" [Courtesy of Maxwell Gualtieri]. Peace. -Justine

Dude, I totally have to urinate right now. But there are plumber people working on our pipes or something in the front yard and we aren't allowed to run water for a few hours. Shitballs, this is frustrating!! This is the first time I've wished I was a guy so I could just whip "IT" out and piss in the backyard. Anyway, the Grady show was soo good. The first band sucked, but Grady did the BEST cover of Heartbreaker by Pat Benetar. Plus I hung out with a bunch of cool cats. The only bands I watched was Grady & then The Return (who also rocked). I like that guy's vocals. Saturday is Crazy Jennette with Sexual Jedi. That should be a very good show, indeed. There are going to be SO many people there. Gnarlystuff. Yesterday I went to Kody's and hung out with him & Joshie. J to the Osh offered me a quarter if he could stick his finger in my buttcrack but I denied him. It's 82 cents, geez!! Also coming up is orientation for school. Blegh. I totally don't wanna start school but then again I do. It's like a tug-of-war or something. Whateverrr. Can't slow time down so might as well go with the flow, right? Take it easy, sleazies. -Justine edit... [bored] LAST PERSON WHO . Slept in your bed: myself . Saw you cry: Myself . You shared a drink with: ...kody! apple juice . You went to the movies with: Brooke & Chris . You went to the mall with: brooke . Yelled at you: my mom . Sent you an email: myspace HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO... . California: I'd hope so... I live here don't I? . Hawaii: no . Mexico: Yeah . New York: no . Las Vegas: no HAVE YOU EVER: . Danced naked: Hahaha no . Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: mhm... "pass me a burrito?" . Wished you were the opposite sex: today when i had to piss . Do you have a crush on someone: mhm, well i dont know if it counts cuz we're dating but uhh i guess so . What book are you reading now: better than running at night by hilary frank . Worst feeling in the world: Not being good enough, having to pee when you can't, the feeling RIGHT before you throw up. . Future daughter's name: Aiden Rose . Future son's name: Kieran Ryder . Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Newp . What's under your bed: who knows . Favorite sport to watch: baseball i guess. . Siblings: sisters, 8 & 4 . Location: dirty ventura, hahaha . College plans: *shrug* . Piercings/tattoos: ears . Do you drink: ehh, not really no . What are you most scared of: small, confined spaces. . What clothes do you sleep in: t-shirts. Where do you want to get married: the beach somewhere, where its always warm . Who do you really hate: no one . Do you drive: nopeee . Do you have a job: nopeee . Do you like being around people: yeah most of the time . Are you for world peace: For shure . Are you a health freak: Hahaha, nah . Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Nah . Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: if you consider, "ASSHOLE" a type, then yeah i guess so . Song thats stuck in your head a lot: a doors song. or any song thats on the radio . Do you want to get married: yeah i guess. i dunno i could live without marriage. . Do you want kids: NO. i'm getting animals. or adopting. FAVORITES . Type(s) of music: i have too many different types. i like classic rock & alternative a lot though . Band/Group(s): judging from the posters on my walls you'd think it's either the doors or sex pistols, lmao. i have too many though. . Color: aquamarine! . Perfume or cologne: Ck one summer; cococabana; strawberry daquiri . Month: november, july . Flower: sunflowers IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU... . Cried: almost . Bought something: del taco . Gotten sick: nope . Sang: mhm . Met someone: nope . Missed someone: Yep . Hugged someone: Yep . Kissed someone: Yep . Had an orgasm: i'm a walking orgasm . Became shy around someone: nope . Been to the diner: uhh no . Exercised: i walked! does that count?

OKAY! It's been a month exactly since I've updated. Sorry it's taken so long, considering I've already been home for like two weeks. My computer at home is being retarded as usual, so I've resorted to using the public library computers. The trip went alright. Kass and I had a few ups and downs, but we made it out alive so that's always really good. Uhh... The train ride home sucked balls. It was 21 hours of nothing but going for like 5 minutes then stopping for an hour for a stupid freight train to pass us or something. Gayness. Life is going good. Tonight is the Grady show, so I'm stoked. Kody and I are still together, which is also really rad. Bummer he can't go tonight, though. A bunch of shows are coming up, and I doubt I'll be able to update frenquently. I'll try and update at least once a week though, k? Love you!! Justine

I dig my toes into the sand. The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy. I wish you were here I wish you were here I wish you were here I wish you were here. I lay my head onto the sand. The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it. I'm counting ufo's. I signal them with my lighter and in this moment i am happy, happy. The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in. Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air. WISH ME LUCK! see ya in three, guys!

Life is still good! We had a Farewell type picnic today in the park with all my close friends (and even some not too close ones): Brooke, Kass, Kody, Josh, Glen, Ashley, Kendra, Schlowen and me. Kody and I sat in the park from like 12:30 until 4, when everyone came. It was really nice to have it be just him and I for once, instead of every body around. Trust me, I love being around my friends and everything but it was really great to have some alone time. Blahh. I'm going to miss everybody in V-Town while I'm in Sacramento. It's ridiciciciculous.

Ahh. Life is still good. I have a boyfriend nowww :) And I love you all

Alive is the perfect adjetive to describe how I'm feeling. It's so strange to see that I'm glowing and I can smile fully and geniunely for no reason and I suddenly just love everything. It's just... Brilliant. So fucking brilliant. ♥

Im split 'cause Im pissed that my computer is a friggin' idiot, but Im also happy cause I had a really good day. I woke up around 1 and got in the shower. I met Kody at the park and we walked to Vons and bought cookie dough with Coca-Cola & then at Sav-On's we bought gummi worms and Jolly Rancher's. We walked back to my house and then we baked cookies and watched the Goonies and talked. We chilled in my room for a little while just poking fun at each other. Kass and Ash came a little later. Then Kody left and we took Ash & Kass home. Ashley found a kitten but she can't keep her so her sister's friend Caitlyn might take her but if she can't then kass gets the kitty!!!! Ahh okay well Im going over there right now so Ill write more later. [edit]K so I'm at Kass's now. The kitty is soo friggin' cute!!! Apparently Ashley like forgot to feed her or something so me and kass [well actually kass] was like Mission Impossible 3 status and she went into her kitchen and stole a can of food for kitty. The kitty is totally grubbin' down. I stuck my finger in her food and then let her lick some off and she was totally hungry. It was so sad. I was tearful. Well anyway... I don't think there's anything else to write. Exactly a week until we go to Sacramento! I won't be able to update for three weeks. So umm well I'm going to go but anyway I'll update tomorrow. peece&lauv -justine