oh dear... i was reading old entries and i came across a survey i did, i'm going to retake it now, haha... RANDOM QUESTIONS.. 1. Spell your name backwards? ymmaT 2. How did you get you journal name? you know, i'm eyecandy. 3. Are you homosexual? haha no. ------------------------------------------------------------ A - Act your age? i think so, yes. B - Born on what day of the week? friday. C - Chore you hate? putting my clothes away! i don't mind actually doing laundry, but folding it and hanging it, ugghh! D - Dad's name? Dan E - Essential makeup item? powder. F - Favorite actor? adam brody G - Gold or silver? silver H - Hometown? mechanicsburg I - Instruments you play? zero... but i'd like to learn how to play one. J - Job title? i have many! K - Kids? i love kids, but i want to enjoy my youth first. L - Living arrangements? parents M - Mom's name? Kathy N - Number of people you've slept with?: zero. O - Overnight hospital stays? 3. P - Phobia? not being able to see my feet, haha. Q - Quote you like? "love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to." R - Religious affiliation? --- S - Siblings? kelly, jess and dan. T - Time you wake up? usually 10, if i don't go to sleep too late. U - Unique habit? hmm, i don't know. V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? onions W - Worst habit? biting my nails X - X-rays you've had? teeth. Y - Yummy food you make? haha i don't make food, that's funny.. Z - Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius ------------------------------------------------------------ last cigarette: i was told i tried ONCE when i was really drunk, and i don't remember it! but it was over a year ago. last car ride: last night. last kiss: ross. last library book checked out: i don't remember, something about gay marriage for a speech i was giving. last movie seen: disturbia, haha. last book read: harry potter. last cuss word uttered: i don't remember. last beverage drank: water last food consumed: a chip. last crush: ross. last phone call: my mom, i think? last tv show watched: the best years. last time showered: yesterday. i'm so gross. last shoes worn: cherry flats. last cd played: hairspray, duh. last item bought: food. last downloaded: probably music. last annoyance: i don't know. last disappointment: the whole erin thing. last soda drank: pepsi... i had some today!! last thing written: stuff in my journal (my real one) last key used: car keys. last words spoken: i forget i think, "ok" last sleep: last night last IM: gunther last sexual fantasy: haha umm ok. last ice cream eaten: i don't know. last time amused: today when danielle wanted me to call her a doctor, haha. last time wanting to die: i can't remember =) last time in love: i've never been in love. last time hugged: today (danielle) last time scolded: idk. last lipstick used: does chapstick count? if so, last night. last underwear worn: the ones i have on. last bra worn: again, the one i'm wearing, haha. last time dancing: today in the kitchen i couldn't stop. last time crying: i can't remember! ------------------------------------------------------ here's the old one: RANDOM QUESTIONS.. 1. Spell your name backwards? ymmaT 2. How did you get you journal name? i dunno, this was someone elses diary, they gave it to me, haha..my name used to be cherry. but, i like this one lots. 3. Are you homosexual? Nope ------------------------------------------------------------ A - Act your age? sometimes B - Born on what day of the week? hmm, friday i think. C - Chore you hate? hmm, clothes D - Dad's name? Dan E - Essential makeup item? Foundation F - Favorite actor? Julia Stiles G - Gold or silver? Silver H - Hometown? Mechanicsburg, PA I - Instruments you play? nada..i wanna play piano + guitar tho! J - Job title? lazy ass! K - Kids? not anytime soon. L - Living arrangements? parents, brother, sister, dog, cat, newest: sisters hermet crabs M - Mom's name? Kathy N - Number of people you've slept with? none!! O - Overnight hospital stays? 2....when i was born, and 1 i stayed for like 3 days P - Phobia? electricity scares me.. Q - Quote you like? "Watching you walk away doesn't make me bitter or cynical about love, it makes me realize that if i wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along." R - Religious affiliation? nada S - Siblings? 3, kelly, jess, dan T - Time you wake up? depends on when i went to sleep U - Unique habit? i dunno, a lot. V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? onions W - Worst habit? not answering the phone, does that count? X - X-rays you've had? teeth. Y - Yummy food you make? i dont make food. Z - Zodiac Sign? Sagittarius ------------------------------------------------------------ last cigarette: never last car ride: couple hours ago. last kiss: my mom kissed me goodbye when she was going to work. last library book checked out: The Princess and the Pauper last movie seen: 10 things i hate about you, watched it like 5 times, my brother was mad that i rented it cuz i've already seen it a millions times..it = my FAVORITE! last book read: The Princess and the Pauper last cuss word uttered: fuuck! last beverage drank: choc. milk last food consumed: doritos last crush: last one was cameron, now i'm moving on to bigger and better things..haha, that sounds bad, it's not what it sounds like last phone call: melissa, like an hour ago. last tv show watched: phil of the future, hahaha. last time showered: earlier today last shoes worn: sneakers. last cd played: hilary duff! last item bought: food last downloaded: i dunno. last annoyance: my thinks-he-knows-it-all brother last disappointment: hmm i dunno last soda drank: pepsi last thing written: my phone number..ugh. last key used: car keys last words spoken: "no i'm not." last sleep: last night. last IM: alicia last sexual fantasy: haha i dont have those very often..bahaha last ice cream eaten: cookies & cream last time amused: alicia and her telling me how every mccarthy in the phone book will be called. last time wanting to die: july 17th-december ?, 2002..hahaha. last time in love: never... last time hugged: daddy. last time scolded: hmm, i dunno. last lipstick used: i use lip gloss/chapstick last underwear worn: pink last bra worn: the one i'm wearing last time dancing: like 30 minutes ago when i was listening to music last time crying: the other morning, i stayed up all night and watched uptown girls and it made me cry.

there are times when i feel like the loneliest person on the earth. is that crazy? probably not, but it is dramatic. i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i rely too much on other people to make me happy. i know i need to make myself happy, i just don't know how. it's hard to be confident when you're not that pretty. it's hard to like yourself when...you don't. you know? i would be happy if i looked more like a supermodel. and i hate people that say that you have to be happy with who YOU are. how is that possible? you can't just wake up, look in the mirror, and say "Hey, you know what, i AM pretty" if you don't think you're pretty. it doesn't make sense. it's not confidence, it's convincing yourself of something that's not true. it's brainwashing yourself to think that you are pretty, when deep down you think you're not...pretty. ok, i'm going to stop. ♥Tammy

oh, hello 8:52AM. It's been a long time since i've woken up this early for no reason. so i'm home for the weekend from school. i can't wait until i am home for the summer. the weather is starting to get really nice again, so in honor of the heat i bought a really cute shirt yesterday. i also bought new sunglasses, but danielle, my neice, broke them in the car. i thought i was being a really good aunt because i gave them to her because the sun was in her eyes really bad, but she just broke them. haha, oh well. back to school tomorrow... :( ♥Tammy

i'm amazed that this thing still exsists. it's been a long time, and it's amazing how much things have changed. I was reading from the beggining and I am shocked at how quickly time has gone. life is so weird that way. one day you have these people in your life, and the next it's like you hardly know each other. i guess change in friends comes with change in maturity. i look back at these entries and realize how immature i was, and i realize how much pressure i put on myself, and how much time i wasted on little, unimportant aspects of my life. i was so desperate for attention that i would cause drama over little things, and i was so desperate for a boyfriend that i would hate those who got in my way. i'm happy that this journal is still around, i'm happy it is here to remind me of what i was like before and how i have changed for the better. growing up feels great. ♥Tammy

wooooooooow.....so, i forgot about THIS diary. this is where i wrote loooots---I wish I could just save every entry to my computer--that would rock. maybe i will start writing in here again. i think i may.

Life doesn’t guarantee fairness. Rather than dwelling on our past mistakes we must learn to accept them and move on. Why do so many people spend so much time regretting the past? Instead of surrounding ourselves with good friends and good remodels we spend our time worrying about past events. We don’t look at our personal experiences and turn them into positive life-changing events. Life is too short, and no one will stick around a sad person for too long. Make the best of every situation, and live life with no regrets. I, like many other people, regret a lot of things I have done in my life, but I turn them into something positive. I know that in my life I have done things that I shouldn’t have, but without those mistakes I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have the friends I do, and I wouldn’t be a stronger person. The summer before our 10th grade year in high school, I lost all of my friends because of a terrible fight. For about a month all I did was mope around my house and cry. I was stagnant, bitter, and I slept all the time. I soon learned that it wasn’t the end of the world, and I could move on. I could have a life, and I wanted to show everyone that I could become a better person. That was the summer that my life changed. I knew that I had surrounded myself with the wrong kind of friends, and I learned that “in the presence of a good man” one must “learn to equal him.” (Confucius pg. 214) I realized that we only have a short time here, and we have to use all of our struggles and mistakes to our advantage. We have to work with what we have, and not sulk about what we want. Robert Herrick said in his poem, “To the Virgins, To Make Much of Time,” that we must “Gather ye rose-buds while ye may: Old Time is still a-flying...” because we only have a short time here on Earth, and we have to spend it wisely. When I was friendless and foolish, I was wasting away, practically rotting. I was a wasted life, until I realized what I could do with my life. I made the best of the situation I was in. To this day I still do not regret what happened, I embrace it, and I’m thankful that I was given the opportunity to change myself for the better. My family has always taught me that life is full of ups and downs, but in the end we’ll still have each other. My parents went through a rough time up until I was about nine years old. We constantly moved and were never really settled. Through all of it my parents still held us together, constantly reminding all four of us that we were a family no matter what. They made the best of some really awful situations. They always showed us love and support, and sacrificed a lot to get us where we are today. A lot of my life philosophy is based off the example that my parents set for me. FINISH MEE! My best friend, Melissa, has taught me the most about living life with no regrets. She helped me to learn patience, love, and kindness. She taught me how to trust someone after not being able to trust anyone. She is my hero. She helped me to mold my life philosophy in such a major way. I was shown that I could have a normal life after being so sad for so long. For a long time I mourned my old life, I wanted it back, and I felt like everyone else’s lives were so much better then mine. She made me realize that “The further one goes, the better the land seems,” (Tolstoy pg. 951) and everyone else’s lives probably weren’t as amazing as they seemed. FINISH MEE!

Slide 1: Economic Effects of Environmental Public Policy Costs of policies – some policies have little or no direct monetary cost. (They do not require major investments of administration or resources.) Removing subsidies to special interests and denying special access to national resources can result in a more efficient and equitable operation of the economy. For example, the use of national land for cattle grazing and timber harvesting is subsidized in the U.S. Slide 2: As a result of this the real costs of these activities are borne not just by the special-interest groups that have access to these resources, but taxpayers too. Removing such subsidies can have very real political costs. kayla's slides: 1: The end analysis is determined by the value selected Non Human Environmental Components Ex: population of wild flowers, or wilderness site -depends on how willing people are to pay to preserve them *people need to be more informed on the importance of theses components and value them Cost Effectiveness -analysis is an alternative option for evaluating the costs of regulations They ask - how can our goal be achieved at the least cost? Improved human health - means reduction of work stress caused by pollution = increased worker productivity = reduction and prevention of pollution related illness Improved Agriculture and forest production Reduction fo pollution related damage More vigorous growth by removal of stress due to pollution Higher farm profits, benefits all agriculture-related industries Enhanced commercial and/ or sport fishing Increased value of fish and shellfish harvests Increased sales of boats, motors, tackle, and bait Enhancement of business serving fishermen 2: Enhancement of recreational opportunities Direct uses such as swimming and boating Indirect uses as observing wildlife Enhancement of business serving vacationers Extended lifetime of materials and less cleaning necessary Reduction of corrosive effects of pollution, extending the lifetime of metals, textiles, rubber, paints, and other coating Reduction of cleaning costs Enhancement of real estate values to have improvement we must lower the amount of pollution below the threshold levels until there are no ill effects The modest agree of cleanup benefits can out weigh costs A situation: ineffective in short time = cost effective in long term Ex- acid deposition; ground water contamination Overall: cost-benefit analysis pollution of air and surface water were bad but large sums of money has provided regulations - corrections have paid for themselves by the decrease in health cares costs - enhanced environmental quality Progress EPA accomplishments: since 1970 emmissions of six common air pollutants have decreased by 24% 1978 blood-lead levels in children 75% decline 1 billion pounds of toxic polluiton have been prevented from entering our waters each year due to waste water standards 200,000-470,000 cases of gastrointestinal illnesses each prevented by water saftey standards 1970- 73 million people upgraded sewage treatment toxic air emiisions down 39% 230 pestisides banned from use more than 141,000 clean ups of underground storage tanks have been completed since 1990 since 1980, 520 superfund sites on the national prioriteies list have received completed cleanup recycling recovery of municipal solid wastes has increaed from 7% in 1970 to 27% in 1996 Do these benefits outweight the costs? example - phase out of leaded gasoline cost EPA 3.6 billion cost benefit report 50 billion cost benefit is a part of public policy Epa and Federal agencies need to have an analysis for all new regulations 3: Some values are estimated more accurately than others Air pollution = more people seeking medical attention Regulating air pollution = decrease in # of medical cases = benefit (money + health) Medical costs are down and people have better health Difficult to estimate: depends on how much people are willing to pay for these benefits How do they decide this? Shadow pricing: asking people what they might pay for a benefit if it was up for their decision 4: *Example - to clean the air of Los Angeles homeowners were asked to place a value on improving the air quality Shadow pricing is difficult when dealing with human life To estimate the benefits of regulating pollution they calculate how many lives they will save SO: EPA calculated that new clean air standards for ozone and particulates would prevent 15,000 premature deaths a year The end analysis is determined by the value selected Non Human Environmental Components Ex: population of wild flowers, or wilderness site -depends on how willing people are to pay to preserve them *people need to be more informed on the importance of theses components and value them Cost Effectiveness -analysis is an alternative option for evaluating the costs of regulations They ask - how can our goal be achieved at the least cost? Improved human health - means reduction of work stress caused by pollution = increased worker productivity = reduction and prevention of pollution related illness Improved Agriculture and forest production Reduction fo pollution related damage More vigorous growth by removal of stress due to pollution Higher farm profits, benefits all agriculture-related industries Enhanced commercial and/ or sport fishing Increased value of fish and shellfish harvests Increased sales of boats, motors, tackle, and bait Enhancement of business serving fishermen Enhancement of recreational opportunities Direct uses such as swimming and boating Indirect uses as observing wildlife Enhancement of business serving vacationers Extended lifetime of materials and less cleaning necessary Reduction of corrosive effects of pollution, extending the lifetime of metals, textiles, rubber, paints, and other coating Reduction of cleaning costs 5: Enhancement of real estate values *to have improvement we must lower the amount of pollution below the threshold levels until there are no ill effects The modest agree of cleanup benefits can out weigh costs A situation: ineffective in short time = cost effective in long term Ex- acid deposition; ground water contamination Overall: cost-benefit analysis pollution of air and surface water were bad but large sums of money has provided regulations - corrections have paid for themselves by the decrease in health cares costs - enhanced environmental quality Progress EPA accomplishments: since 1970 emmissions of six common air pollutants have decreased by 24% 1978 blood-lead levels in children 75% decline 1 billion pounds of toxic polluiton have been prevented from entering our waters each year due to waste water standards 200,000-470,000 cases of gastrointestinal illnesses each prevented by water saftey standards 1970- 73 million people upgraded sewage treatment toxic air emiisions down 39% 230 pestisides banned from use more than 141,000 clean ups of underground storage tanks have been completed since 1990 since 1980, 520 superfund sites on the national prioriteies list have received completed cleanup recycling recovery of municipal solid wastes has increaed from 7% in 1970 to 27% in 1996 Do these benefits outweight the costs? example - phase out of leaded gasoline cost EPA 3.6 billion cost benefit report 50 billion cost benefit is a part of public policy Epa and Federal agencies need to have an analysis for all new regulations 6: Progress EPA accomplishments: since 1970 emmissions of six common air pollutants have decreased by 24% 1978 blood-lead levels in children 75% decline 1 billion pounds of toxic polluiton have been prevented from entering our waters each year due to waste water standards 200,000-470,000 cases of gastrointestinal illnesses each prevented by water saftey standards 1970- 73 million people upgraded sewage treatment toxic air emiisions down 39% 230 pestisides banned from use more than 141,000 clean ups of underground storage tanks have been completed since 1990 since 1980, 520 superfund sites on the national prioriteies list have received completed cleanup recycling recovery of municipal solid wastes has increaed from 7% in 1970 to 27% in 1996 Do these benefits outweight the costs? example - phase out of leaded gasoline cost EPA 3.6 billion cost benefit report 50 billion cost benefit is a part of public policy Epa and Federal agencies need to have an analysis for all new regulations

Tammy Notz Period 5 Dear freshman, Throughout high school I have learned so much. I tried to write all the advice I had and only fit it on one page, but I ended up filling four, and I thought that would bore you. So, here are the basics. High school is wonderful. It may seem like four long years that are never going to end. You might dread going everyday, and you might hate homework, but it’s the best four years anyone could ever experience. You don’t realize it now, but it’s going to be over before you know it. So my first word of advice, take your time growing up. Don’t rush it, because if you want to be like an adult, you have to act like an adult, and with that comes responsibility, a lot of it. Besides, you’re too young, enjoy your youth! It’s the best time of your life! But, don’t act too childish. Do your homework, study for tests, and get good grades. It will pay off in the end. Respect your parents and your teachers. Your parents love you and only want the best for you. Your teachers are there to teach and to help you learn, don’t treat them less than they are. Teachers are wonderful, they devote their lives to helping the youth of America grow and prosper. They only want to see you do well, so don’t get mad when they’re on your back about certain things, chances are they just want to help. Don’t just respect your parents and teachers respect yourself. Don’t live up to any else’s expectations except for your own. It’s ok to say no, and it’s ok not to be perfect. No one is perfect, so don’t ever feel pressured to be perfect, because you will never achieve it, and that’s ok! And, don’t ever expect anyone else to be perfect, it just won’t happen. Also, remember that everyone makes mistakes and no one can go back and change them. Don’t dwell on your mistakes because that won’t fix them. Life is too short and time is too precious to spend feeling bad. Remember, you only have four years here and it will go fast. Play a sport or join a club, make new friends. You may think that your friends are the only “cool” people in school, but you’d be surprised. Love your friends, do nice things for them, and they will do nice things in return. STICK WITH YOUR VALUES AND BELIEFS! Don’t ever let anyone tell you what to believe in or what to do. Don’t smoke, it’s not attractive, and it’s really bad for you. Don’t rush into sex, and stay away from drinking. Make the right choices for you. Don’t let anyone else do it for you. With that, don’t try to control others either. Date and have fun, but don’t let boyfriends or girlfriends consume your life. They are great and everything, but it’s just high school, and no relationship here is guaranteed for a lifetime. Don’t treat anyone like they are less than you are. Not having cool clothes or the newest hairstyle doesn’t make you any less of a person. Enjoy this time, it may seem like it’s going to last forever, but it won’t. It will end sooner then you think. Love yourself, love your family, love your friends, love your enemies, and love your life. This is it. This is all you have, love it and cherish it while you have it. You can’t go back, and don’t try to rush forward. Take your time, enjoy it, and make it a time in your life that you will never forget. “Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you’ll finally get it right.” –Anonymous. “Experience is the worst, and somehow best, teacher. It gives you the test before presenting the lesson.” –Anonymous.

a website showing the effects of tobacco use for environment concerns: http://www.ash.org.uk/html/health/html/oral.html saving it here so I can get to it in school.

Tammy Notz Period 3 Outdoor World. When I first got to Outdoor World, as we drove down the small paved road, all I saw were trees. As we proceeded further down the road I saw a small playground on the right. The further we got the less trees there were, and more cabins, tents, and Motor homes appeared. I looked around and noticed people in bathing suits, who I assumed just came from a pool, but would later learn that they just stepped out of a lake. When I stepped outside I took a deep breath and I could smell the warm summer air and the mossy lake. The rocks and stick beneath my feet poked me though my flip-flops. I felt like we had just stepped into nature, until I reached the game room. The smell of artificial cold air filled my lungs, manmade cold air. Connected to the game room was an indoor swimming area. When I took my first breath I almost choked on the thick, strong scent of chlorine. There were giant mushrooms dumping out water onto laughing and screaming little kids. I then opened the doors to go outside, on the other side of the campground, to find another swimming pool with a deck. From the deck you could see the lake. I decided to check it out, and when I took off my flip-flops to walk to the lake, the thick grains of the sand jabbed at my feet. The sand was hot, and painful. When I finally reached the lake I stuck one of my feet in and felt hardly anything. The water was about the same temperature as the air. There were lots of people splashing and laughing in it. I turned around and saw that from the lake you cold walk straight back onto the campground, so I did. I saw more tents, more motor homes, and more people. I also passed a mini-golf area. I passed a few smokers standing outside of the snack bar and was angered, until I realized that I was still outside, even though we had to pay to get in. I preceded on and passed campers making lunch at a picnic table. I kept walking and saw a small building with a sign that read, “Restrooms/Showers.” I decided to check them out, only to find myself plugging my nose and batting away bugs. I got out of the bathrooms as quickly as I could. Outside was a water fountain. I decided to take a sip. The water was cold, but not freezing, and it has a coppery taste that stuck to my tongue. I kept walking and began to smell fresh fires and burnt hotdogs. The more I walked the more I felt like I was actually camping. There were more trees further out in the woods, less rocks, and more twigs. The sun wasn’t so strong because of the shade created by the trees. There were a few tents set up here and there, but mostly it was quiet. Once it began to get darker I decided to head back to our campsite. On the way I passed bright, smoky fires that lit up the campground. Everyone was cooking dinner on their fires, and roasting marshmallows. After eating I noticed that everyone’s fires began to die down, so I figured I could go to sleep. Once everyone was in his or her tents, RVs, and cabins I heard less talking and laughing and more crickets. As I drifted off the sleep I didn’t smell the smoke from all the fires, but instead I smelled faint skunk smells and grass. I was asleep before I knew it, and awake even faster. The dew from the night before settled on the tent but was drying quickly from the hot sun. I woke up to hear and smell the same things I heard and smelled when I had first got there. Children laughing, parents yelling, smoke from fires, and chlorine. I walked out of the tent and saw all of the other tents, and motor homes, and cabins and laughed. People came here to get away from all of the manmade distractions of everyday life, but everything at this campsite was just as manmade as everything out in the “real world.” I giggled, and then took a walk.

new diary: palmtree236. check it out..

my cousin has this in her profile: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths." i love that. it's so weird because i always think that, like..when you love someone you just say their name differently. like, it just sounds different, special. like they're the only person in the world you care about at that moment. i've never heard my name pronounced like that. i need to stop writing in this thing. you can tell when someone doesnt have a life because they're always on this pos. later kids. tammy

all this prom stuff is coming out, like in magazines and stuff, and it's really scaring me. well, i'm gonna go get back to the o.c. later kids. tammy

i miss the summer. i was reading some of my old entries, and they were from this past summer, and it was sad. i miss it. i read the lazortron entry. i love it because i put into detail like everything i did, haha, and that made me remember it really well. melissa..we gotta do that again, remember out plan to wear skirts?? haha. haha i'm a dork. bye. tammy

haha...i WISH i were invincible! i love the song "21 and invincible." it rocks my world! i need a vacation from EVERYTHING soooo bad! seriously, i just need to get awaaayy! i'm starting to feel like people are pushing me away, and that's the LAST thing i need right now. i need to get my act together. i just realized i have a really funny look on my face in that picture. whatever. school is such a draaagg, i think i MIGHT go tomorrow, just because i have so much shit to do, and it would help if i went so that i could do it. I wrote a "to do" list in independent living today. It helped me to organize my thoughts, because i feel like they're everywhere, and so i wrote them down and i feel like they're a little more organized now. It included: -Find a date for prom asap! -Find a dress for prom after a date, because i'm not going without a date. -dye my hair a normal color. -get my paycheck from petz unlimited. -call commerce. -put atleast $200 down on senior week. -start looking/saving for a car. That's as far as i got, and then the bell rang. some of them are really random, others are kind of important. haha has anyone ever heard of "womb with a view." my sister has an appt. there on saturday. it's a 3D ultrasound thinger. it should be exciting to see. i'm gonna go with her and check it out! anyway, i should go eat or something. actually, i shouldn't, but i really want to. haha, goodbye.. Tam

ok, so latley i've been having really weird, weird dreams! i always have dreams that i'm smoking, which i thought was weird because, well, i despise smoking of all kinds! So, I thought all these dreams I'm having, not just about smoking but about other things too, might have something to do with my emotions this week. I've been pretty emotional about like everything. Well..look: "Smoking To dream that you are smoking, indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in." ok, i've also been having a lot of dreams with my "crush" in them! read: "Crush To dream that you have a crush on somebody, is a literal reflection of your attraction and fascination for that person. To see your crush in your dream, represents your current infatuation with him or her. If you find yourself thinking about him during the day, then it is understandable that his image will appear in your dream during the night. If your dream that your crush rejects you, refers to not knowing how he or she really feels about you and whether he likes you or not." i also had a really weird dream about dogs, which might just be because of the pet store, but i dunno... "Dog To see a dog in your dream, indicate a skill that you have ignored or forgotten, but needs to be activated. Alternatively, dogs may symbolize intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. Your own values and intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and succeed. If the dog is vicious and/or growling, then it signifies some inner conflict within yourself. It may indicate betrayal and untrustworthiness. If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts." I couldn't think of anymore, buut..it's pretty interesting! Well..bye! Tammy -------------------------------------- one more: "Fall To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease. To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself."

here are some amazing lyrics. my sister got the diana degarmo cd from kissfm, so i stole it, just cuz i was interested in what her songs are like. i actually enjoy them. probably because i can relate them to my life. "emotional:" "Sometimes I get emotional Sometimes I do some stupid things Sometimes I say what I should just keep inside Sometimes I'm sad, about everything Sometimes I'm mad, and break some things Sorry times ten, but you just got in the way Don't give up no, running away I won't hurt you Sometimes I'm just a pain And that's the way it is That's just the way I am Sometimes I feel like crying Laying down and dying That's when I need you Laughing's always easy But sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me That's when I feel, Emotional You say I'm just, impossible Totally, unpredictable I'm just a girl, get used to it No big deal You can't change me Why would you try I'm no angel, but I can make you smile And that's the way it is And that's just the way I am Sometimes I feel like crying Laying down and dying That's when I need you Laughing's always easy But sometimes I’m just scared you'll leave me That's when I feel. Emotional Don't give up now, running away I won't hurt you Sometimes I'm just a pain And that's the way it is That's just the way I am Sometimes I feel like crying Laying down and dying That's when I need you Laughing's always easy But sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me That's when I feel Sometimes I get, Emotional" here's "then i woke up." it's like my favorite. it rocks my world x10.: "I get into the car Turn the radio up to shut out the noise so i can hear my voice There's a party on down the street But nobody invited me cause i got a gig Babysitting my uncle's kids why me? woe is me CHORUS: Don't they know that... I'm a hiphop queen And a rock and roll dream It's all bling bling I'm the star of the scene Yeah check me out, see what I'm all about I'm the one that you want and the one you can't have The girl that you call that doesn't ever call back just look at me, I've got everything But then i woke up And i was lying on the couch Drool coming out my mouth Turned on the tv Dr. Phil wont you please fix me? waiting for the phone to ring flipping through a magazine why doesnt he call? guess im the loser down the hall why me? I just wanna sleep CHORUS But then i woke up i like living in a dream It's everything it's suppossed to be It's a holiday from me It's all just kickin' in and this is where I begin Just being me its ok to be me But its fun to be a hiphop queen A rock and roll dream It's all bling bling yeah baby, Ka ching Come check me out I'm bringing down the house I'm the one that you want You know im heaven sent Im a little Lynyrd Skynyrd and a little 50 cent just look at me I've got everything But then I woke up, I woke up, I woke up, I woke up. But then I woke up, I woke up just look at me, ive got everything" and this last one just makes me sad. you all know it...: "And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives Where we're gonna be when we turn 25 I keep thinking times will never change Keep on thinking things will always be the same But when we leave this year we won't be coming back No more hanging out cause we're on a different track And if you got something that you need to say You better say it right now cause you don't have another day Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down These memories are playing like a film without sound And I keep thinking of the night in June I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon And There was me and you, and then it got real blue Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and We would get so excited, we'd get so scared Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair And this is how it feels Chorus: As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change, From whatever We will still be, friends forever So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money When we look back now, will that joke still be funny? Will we still remember everything we learned in school? Still be trying to break every single rule Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man? Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan? I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye Keep on thinking it's a time to fly And this is how it feels Repeat chorus La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now? Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow? I guess I thought that this would never end And suddenly it's like we're women and men Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round? Will these memories fade when I leave this town I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye Keep on thinking it's a time to fly Repeat chorus 3x"

I know I haven't written in this in a looong time. Like, seriously written in it, but right now it's 12 am and i'm bored. I was pooped today from new years and i slept all day. Soo..I am now wide awake. I feel really empty. Like I'm missing something. It's weird. I just don't feel whole right now. I mean, i'm happy..but i'm like...empty. It's really hard to explain. Maybe it's because i'm lonely. I'm here at my house. I'm awake. I have no one to talk to. I have no one to complain to about being bored..hehe. Reason to celebrate: new years was fun. this is the result of boredom: 20 things you didn't know about me: *I talk in my sleep. *I love music...mostly all of it. seriously..i love it all. *I'm really picky when it comes to the following: boys, food and that's about all haha. *I'm left handed, but I do mostly everything that isn't writing with my right hand. *I like writing corny poems and short stories when I'm bored..and they usually are about my life. And they usually get thrown away. *When I have a crush on someone I get really shy around them (if i think they know) if they don't know and I'm around them I act really stupid. *I love my gamecube..especially zelda the windwaker. Because, well, I just can't explain it. But I am obsessed. *I used to live in Philly, and sometimes I wish I still did. *I hate my moms sisters...and most of their kids. *I have over 300 away messages stored, and I use about 3. *I treat my animals like babies...and I love them...a lot. *I love the beach..but I'm scared of the ocean..unless the water is clear. I hate not being able to see my feet. It's like a phobia. *I love and I am more grateful for my friends then they'll ever know. *I've never been kissed. (on the lips) *i love pictures. *When I was little I was obsessed with Mickey Mouse..so my parents took me to disney world..where I screamed and cried when they tried to make me go say Hi to him. I was scared. (c'mon, he was a giant mouse that was hugging everyone. I was used to a tiny little mouse on my tv screen.) *When I found out Santa isn't real I told my 5 year old little brother. (I was 8) *I like Cheese. A lot. haha. *My name means Palm Tree hence my xanga username/screen name/e-mail address. *I have a dell computer..and it's a piece of shit. ---------------------------------------------- edit: here's some more [[[PAST]]] [1] First grade teacher's name: Oh geez I don't remember [2] Last words you said: hmm, i think it was just "ok" [3] Last song you sang: some stupid song that i heard on tv that was stuck in my head [4] Last person you hugged: probably alicia when she was all sad cuz her and john were fighting..last night aka new years eve. [5] Last thing you laughed at: When I watched Tommy Boy. haha. [6] Last time you said I dont remember: haha umm see question 1 [7] Last time you cried: hmm, a few days ago out of frustration. [[[PRESENT]]] [8] What are you listening to right now: nothing, which is kinda weird. [9] What colour socks are you wearing: boo, i hate socks. [10] What's under your bed: hmm..some boxes, memory boxes. [11] What time did you wake up today: around 11, but then i went to sleep again around 1, and then woke up again around 6. haha. [12] Current taste: the last thing i had was some wine. i dunno y, i just really wanted some, so i poured a glass. i swear i'm not an alchoholic, haha. i'm very far from it, i just wanted some. [13] Current hair: i got out of the shower and let it air dry a bit, then i pulled it up so i could go to sleep and woke up and it was still a little damp, and now it's dry, but i havent touched it since so just imagine that haha. [14] Current clothes: grey pj pants, cv sweatshirt [15] Current annoyance: my boredom [16] Current longing: marshmallows, there's a fire going outside and i want to roast some. [17] Current desktop picture: Me and my little brother on christmas eve...looking all festive [18] Current worry: nothing really. [19] Current hate: boys in general. haha except a few..but boys suck if u think about it. [20] Current favorite article of clothing: hmm, nothing-i dont really care. [21] Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: hmm..well, taller then me. Trusting eyes, nice smile. [22] Last CD that you listened to: ummmm..some mix that dwayne made. [23] Favorite place to be: on my couch, watching a movie, cuddled up with someone. haha. [24] Least favorite place: school. [25] Time you wake up in the morning: it depends on when i go to sleep. but for school i wake up at 5:45. [26] If you could play an instrument, what would you play: the drums [27] Favorite color: pink [28] Do you believe in an afterlife: i think it's silly for people to worry about what's gonna happen after they die. Just live your life and be happy with it, it's the only one you have. No one can ever say if there's an afterlife or not. Worry about the life you're living right now. [29] How tall are you: 5'7"..ick [30] Current favorite word/saying: hmm..i say so many random things [31] Favorite book: The sisterhood of the traveling pants, and then second summer of the sisterhood..and fearless. [32] Favorite season: spring [33] One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: ooo man, there are so many. [[[FUTURE]]] [35] Where do you want to go: I want to travel a bit. But i think i want to live in Pennsylvania. [36] What is your career going to be like: I want to get into advertising. Like the stratigical end, and the business. I want to be the one to come up with ideas for commercials. [37] How many kids do you want: 3 [38] What kind of car will you have: that's not really something i'm too worried about, haha. [[[HAVE YOU EVER...]]] [39] Said "I love you" and meant it: yes. to my family and my animals, and of course my best friends. but no one else. [40] Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: haha yeah, my dog bit me once so i ignored him for like 2 days and he was so sad. [41] Been to New York: driven through the state, and saw the city from afar [42] Been to Florida: no [43] Been to California: no [44] Been to Hawaii: no [45] Been to Mexico: almost went [46] Been to China: No [47] Been to Canada: yepp [48] Danced naked: haha...no. [49] Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: hmm, i'm sure it's happened [50] Wanted to be the opposite sex: hmm, sometimes i wish i were..but i like being a girl. Girls have more fun! [51] Had an imaginary friend: yeah..joey..i was little. we met through the ouigi (sp?) board! [52] have a crush on someone: "my minds all screwed and upside down, but my hearts on overdrive.." [53] What are you reading now?: just finished the second summer...moving on to the third one when it comes out.. [54] Worst feeling in the world: Being lonely, knowing that someone you care about doesn't care much about you. [55] What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: usually i wonder what time it is. [56] How many rings before you answer: 2 [56] Furture daughter's name: Audrey Kathleen [58] Future son's name: Cooper Daniel [59] Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no..i need one to sleep with tho. all mine are so tiny, i usually lose them. [60] If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: advertising account executive [61] Wish you were here: JL [62] College plans: i'm taking a year off and working to save up some $, then it's off to hacc! [63] Piercings: 3 [[[THE EXTRA STUFF]]] [64] Do you do drugs: no [65] Do you smoke: no [66] Who are your best friends: Alicia Nicole and Melissa Anne [67] What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: whatever my mom buys [68] What are you most scared of: not being loved [69] What clothes do you sleep in: sweatpants, sweatshirts, tshirts...etc. [70] Who is the last person that called you: Hmm..there's some random # on my phone, i think it was one of the boys from new years that called me as a joke. [71] Where do you want to get married: a beach or something [72] If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: hmm....my weight. i'm not really happy with it. i know i should be and i know i'm not fat...but i think everyones like that. [73] Who do you really hate: me being lonely [74] Been In Love: no. [75] Are You Timely Or Always Late: i think i'm timely..but occasionally i'm late. [76] Do You Have A Job: i'm working on it. [77] Do You Like Being Around People: yes. [78] Best feeling in the world: getting hugged and giving hugs. [79] Are you for world peace: it'd be nice, but i dont see it in the future. [80] Are you a health freak: no..... [81] Do You Have A "Type" Of Person You Always Go After: i dunno, i mean there are certain qualities i like in a guy, but not all are physical. actually, most aren't. every guy i've liked looks and act really different. [82] Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: yes [83] Are You Lonely Right Now: yes. [84] Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: every second of my life [85] Do You Want To Get Married: yes [86] Do You Want Kids: yes [[[IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...]]] [87] Cried: nooo [88] Bought Something: no [89] Gotten Sick: noo [90] Sang: all the time [91] Said I Love You: yeah..to my sister on the phone before we said bye. [92] Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: i wish i loved someone, or someone loved me [93] Met Someone New: i met a lot of new people! [94] Moved On: noo [95] Talked To Someone: yes [96] Had A Serious Talk: no [97] Missed Someone: yesssssssssss [98] Hugged Someone: yes [99] Kissed Someone: yes [100] Fought With Your Parents: i do that often [101] Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: yes [102] Had a lot of sleep: yes i'm sorry for putting u to sleep.

My Real Journal

i hate these things..and i do them all the time. THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME: 01 | electricity 02 | life after high school 03 | boys... ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH: 01 | Alicia 02 | Melissa 03 | My Katie P., aka..mom, aka kate, aka kp!! ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I LOVE: 01 | sleeping 02 | warmth 03 | food ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I HATE: 01 | my fucking job. 02 | being really cold 03 | britney spears ----------------------------------------------------------- THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND: 01 | why i have to go to work tomorrow. 02 | why boys are so stupid. 03 | basically everything in life. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW: 01 | umm crying..haha 02 | typing 03 | complaining. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: 01 | Start a family with someone amazing. 02 | Something crazy that I thought I would never do..like jump out of a plane or something like that. 03 | be happy. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I CAN DO: 01 | mope..ehh, something i shouldnt be too proud of. 02 | sleep! 03 | when the timing is right i can be really funnny, but i have to be in a really gooood mood. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY: 01 | outgoing 02 | random 03 | fun ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO: 01 | eat healthy 02 | a cartwheel (i really can't, and it's sad.) 03 | homework! ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO: 01 | Dashboard Confessional..all of their music. 02 | Something Corporate, Leaving through the window.."if u c jordan." best son EVER! 03 | your mom. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD EVER LISTEN TO: 01 | your peers, they're usually just as clueless as you are. 02 | britney spears 03 | uhh the radio. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST: 01 | werd (dawg) (i say that just a little too much...sometimes i add the dawg sometimes i dont.) 02 | peace 03 | your mom ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS: 01 | pineapple. 02 | chocolate. (if that counts..) 03 | cheese ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN: 01 | the secrets of life. 02 | how to do a cartwheel. 03 | hmm.. ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY: 01 | water 02 | milk 03 | orange juice ------------------------------------------------------------ THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID: 01 | are you afraid of the dark 02 | the mickey mouse club. 03 | care bears. ---------------------------------------------------------------- RANDOM QUESTIONS.. 1. Spell your name backwards? ymmaT 2. How did you get you journal name? this wasn't always my journal, some girl had it before me and gave it to me...so, i didnt make it up, but i like it. 3. Are you homosexual? Nope. amazing..i know. goodnight.