"Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?" -Jay Leno "USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." -David Letterman "It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." -Sam Levenson "What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic." -Unknown The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist. -Unknown I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...I'd have nothing to play with. -Rodney Dangerfield Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. -Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts Never tell your mom her diet's not working. -Joel, 14, Advice from Kids The #1 cause of divorce is ... Marriage Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?