I feel so raw right now.. I don't know what has brought this out of me. I'm growing increasingly tired of school. I want to cut school tomorrow.. but I've got no one to go with, so I guess I'll go. Maybe one day I'll just take off for the beach.. a whole day just for me.. I won't tell anyone I'll just go. Just escape. As soon as the weather is worthy I'll make my move. I day dream of escaping far to often, I wonder what it is I'm trying to escape from? I don't know. I just feel like going sometimes.. I feel like sometimes there is nothing here for me even though I know thats not true. Its cold in this home in more ways then just the temperature. This reminiscing isn't helping either. I tried to do this frivolous survey but all my answers were to open to honest. I was hoping a shower would was away all of my.. I don't even know what it is.. apathy anger restlessness? I guess it kind of has but not completely. I wish I had more self control.. my face is a mess again and its entirely my own doing. Theres blood on my collar. Matt to the rescue once more. I'm going to see my grandfather tomorrow evening, the thought alone brightens my mood considerably. I still don't want to go to school tomorrow but I haven't figure any way out yet. I can't keep doing this.. I need to change. I need to just figure it out all of it. There are so many things I want.. I just need to figure out a way to get them. Thats what I'll do tomorrow. I'm going to figure out how to get what I want. I've got to do this I've got to make a change... if not it'll only be a matter of time until I've got more scars then I can account for.