I’ve had a wonderful little epiphany of sorts; it’s made me very happy. All of this nonsense I’ve been going through with my family, friends, school, and love life… is well nonsense. I couldn’t give a flip about it at the moment. I just don’t care at all… and it’s made me very happy in the most ridiculous sort of way. It is not apathy, its absurdity. I could laugh out loud at the irrationality of my own misery. If this means I’m going crazy, then, I’ll happily skip down the rabbit hole. I’ve made myself sick this past year with loneliness and depression. Tearing up my heart and body with questions and hurt, spending longs night crying wondering why I wasn’t good enough. Never being able to quite figure what was wrong with me. It isn’t a matter of me it never was. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I mean the guy who put me through hell is turning himself into the fucking joker, and I cared? I’ve never been good enough for my father and I never will be. So why try to be? Sharon is a meaningless self absorbed twat I’ve always known this and I can’t believe I’m just accepting it as the truth. It’s all just so ridiculous. My previous feelings of doom and gloom are simply absurd and I can’t be bothered to think about them any longer. I’m very happy at this moment. It’s like I’ve been living in bubble of smoke and I can finally see things clearly for what they are. It’s a really good feeling. So much so that I believe I’ll go outside now and begin again.