so yea.... a bit more than a month into summer.... still slacking and doing absolutely nothing everyday =P only new things are that.... a) dragonboat started (w00tz!! ^^) b) started working at mtl gen. hospital.... 2 shifts/week (maybe 3....), about 3hrs/shift (w00tz....?) c) that's about it... (w00tz >.>) d) oh yea, went to go play tennis for about 4 hours straight few weeks ago with the royal west bunch (and actually won a doubles match even though its my 2nd time playing tennis in 5 years!) e) i'm playing a shizload of piano... learning Chopin's Revolutionary Etude and Liszt's La Campanella SOO EFFING BOREDDDD i AM gaming like... 5 hours a day tho >.> but its just not satisfying cause i'm playing by myself most of the time --;; dunno where anyone is... well.... really nothing much >.> oh yea, went to Quebec City to watch my bro's Kendo grading.... (he's a 1st Dan now ^^) maybe i'll start with ryan in september, but it'll cost $50 more than the fee my bro pays, since i'm not a mcgill student --;; but at least I save the money by not having to buy a shinai =P went to the Y yesterday through a guest pass (with ryan and rich) and worked out for 3 hours (O.o) and i am so effing sore >..> GOD DAMMIT!! if only i didn't try to use subliminal messages and said things in a more direct way... if only.... hehe (wow, 10 months later and i'm still talking bout the same subject >.>) 就算讓我知道 我永遠只是單戀 我也會藏著感謝 笑著和你說再見 that line fits perfectly how i feel... (taken from one of the theme songs of the twdrama "It Started With A Kiss" [yes, i still watch that kind of stuff >.>]) and here's a little line i wrote myself.... but its prolly completely grammatically wrong, like my engrish: 跟妳無綠份 無將來 無結果.... 但是我將繼續單戀你.... and... for those who know about HK's Bus Uncle.... 未解決! 你有壓力, 我有壓力! 未解決! 你有壓力, 我有壓力! 未解決! 你有壓力, 我有壓力! 未解決! 你有壓力, 我有壓力! 未解決! 你有壓力, 我有壓力! oh yea, i'll just tack on the rare few of the random things i've written lately: ---------------------------------------------------------- NO TITLE - UNKNOWN DATE - INCOMPLETE Destroy your dreams and your visions. Cast yourself in the darkest cloaks And ponder no more. In this tale told by an idiot That signifies nothing. But perhaps, you would Want to see the light, Come into the light Walk into the light Look into the light Be Blinded by the light And forever see no more (For our own trinity will never bind together) Dreams are little stories with pictures We paint ourselves in denial of What we know that will happen Pictures that dull and crumble with wisdom When we finally accept the fate given to us, Not the one we dreamt for. ---------------------------------------------------------- NO TITLE 29/04/06 - INCOMPLETE The sight of you refreshes me like A breath of the cold night air, With smells that remind us of the little things And sounds that teach us how peaceful the world can be, Sights that we might not see, But know that joys lie within. ---------------------------------------------------------- NO TITLE 27/05/06 - INCOMPLETE I'll look longingly at the horizon Over the unfinished bridge that was Intended to close the gap between Two worlds, but never will. These calm waters may be a way To cross into forsaken lands and Search for an ambiguous end Created and puppeteered by fate. I'll dance to these strings, Flinging my arms and legs In a random pattern that Is not random at all, Only to fulfill a story Written by someone else. ---------------------------------------------------------- i'm definitely thinking too much about things... that's what happens when you're too bored (or you lie awake too much) random note: happy super belated birthday to meeeee ^^ (long entry to make for the month and a bit of no post XD)

w00000000tz, school's is out for the summer! (since monday may 15 =D) finally... freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee but the worst part is that during the last weekend (may 13/14), i crammed for 18+ hours for 3 exams in literall 24 hours. Like, my chinese exam started at 3.... then i had bio the next morning at 9, and admin right after at 1, which ended at 3... which ends my chaotic 24 hours XP but anyways.... i'm free for the next three months =D but yea... i don't wanna talk about my exams >.> but the saddest thing is... first day of break, i go back to school from 12-3 >.> but i was to play ping pong/hackey sack/piano with a whole bunch of friends... then we went to eat out and watch Silent Hill (which was a pretty crappy scary movie, considering i barely got freaked out [and i get freaked out by movies easily], except for the nurses at the end... my heartbeat was going so fast >..>) as fast as possible. We took the metro to paramount, sneaked our food into the theatre just in time and started eating during the previews XD and after that, we ofc DDR'd, pool'd and air hockey'd for a bit then left. It was then that i found out how out of shape i was.... I was dead tired at the middle of every single song I was DDRing.... like, most songs i didn't even last to the end >.> but now that I know I need to get back into shape, I ddr'd today and i finally beat Cartoon Heroes on standard =D so anyways.... the royal west bunch is planning to get a summer membership at the downtown YMCA... and i wanna join them (and they want me to join too)... but my mom says its too dangerous >.> so my chances of giong with them are very slim.... (plus, its $100 for 3 months.... which is quite a bit of money considering mariano has some of the same stuff [but ofc a lot worse] for free >.>... but its only open at kinky times [yes... i said kinky ^^]) yea... i'll be volunteering at the Royal Vic hospital... part of the STEP program for students.... and that's my only planned summer activity, lol. besides, that... lotsa slacking, sleeping in, gaming, more slacking.... maybe food and hygiene related activities in there... maybe not, who knows ^^ ionno if I wanna talk about this... but fook.... YLZ is still in my mind... and like... i seem to always hope she'll somehow pop around the corner and i'll be able to talk to her -_-;; like, i KNOW nothing good will come out of this.... bleh....

I've been learning to play Liszt's La Campanella, and i can ALMOST play the first page smoothly =D (of 15 pages that is >.>) It'll take me a while to completely master this song... considering its an etude, and someone who's MUCH better than me on piano (paraish) has been learning this song for over 8 months and still has like 4 pages to go >.>... yea.... and i've almost mastered Long Vacation's Minami's Piano Piece for Sena =D those stupid arpeggios are still a pain in the ass, but i've almost got everything else down ^^ Who's says guys can't talk? I spent 4 hours straight yesterday talking to 3 other guys about random stuff (which is mostly robotics and how rocco sucks XP) Okay, onto what I really wanted to talk about... our "mentor" for mariano's robotics team is called Rocco, and apparently, NO ONE likes him, not even his family. I've talked to him a few times, and I can understand.... the way he talks is very circular, very illogical and contradictory.... which seems completely ironic since he's a PhD in physics. So anyways, the problem with next year is that Rocco wants to make the team a formal academic thing, and not a club anymore.... but the thing is, if it goes into an academic thing, he gets complete control over us, which is what we DO NOT WANT, that's why we're fighting to stay as a club. But then.... if we stay pure club, then we basically lose +$2000 funding from the school.... bleh.... oh yea, and I'm team leader next year >.> Anyways.... more ranting to do.... 1 more full week until finals.... then 2 weeks of finals.... THEN SUMMER VACATION!!! which will include dragonboating, and maybe volunteering/working >.> but the horrible thing is that on the day of my bio exam, i have administration RIGHT AFTER and a chinese pure-cramming exam THE DAY BEFORE ;_; but what's great about next week is that i have 2 courses where all classes are cancelled, and my administration class is just doing orals, and i already did mine ^^ so besides those 50 million assignments i have due, its gonna be so slack next week ^^ okay, i talk way too much here, prolly makes up for what i don't say in real life >.>

nothing really to talk about, just haven't updated in a while.... welllllllll.... .... .... i really have nothing that particular to say >.> lol.... okay fine, I completely busted my right knee trying to break dance 2 weeks ago... and now its almost completely healed, its time to continue practicing ^^ um... starcraft is becoming distrubingly popular at school in the lounge... one day, like 5 ppl brought in their laptops, linked them together via LAN and played >.> but even if they didn't do that, there are at least 2 laptops with starcraft on nowadays... sad isn't it? ehh.... i've started to play hacky sack with the royal west bunch (ryan, haran, anthony, elliot) every activity period... (and ping pong w/ them whenever not everyone's around, lol) ugh, here's something that's been bothering me for a while now >.> I get so depressed and envious when I see the same person who is so much better than me at so many things, also when i lose to people that don't practice a lot, when I do. Like, ping pong... >.> i've played people who RARELY play, when I play like, every single day, and i'll lose to them >.> bleh.... second thing that's been bothering me.... i've seen that all the people around me seem to have so many friends and know so many people, yet, i'll hang out with the same 4 people and barely know anyone else >.> and it all leads back to my shyness/introvertedness/anti-social/depressive/wtvr >.> and I always seem to have this urge to always show off that I know a lot of people, prolly to comfort myself.... *sigh* okay... enough of this, back to watching korean soaps >.>

okay, its been a WHILE since i updated... and i wouldnt' have done so for a while longer if it was Charlie that said "UPDATE!!!!" >.> So yes... life goes on, i'm in my 5 day long "spring break" where I don't go to school, but those hours that i dont' have to go... i'm stuck at home studying for those 5 gazillion midterms and papers due when i come back >.> (dam that was a long sentence) Anyways.... small recap: CRC Robotics - Annopoly 2006: I'm part of Marianopolis' robotics team, basically the ONLY first year who actualyl worked, so that means 2 things... a) i'm screwed next year because there'll be NO second years.... and b) i'm team captain next year, which is good and bad... good cuz it'll be a great experience, bad because i've never done it before, i'm gonna screw up, and its going to take up A LOT of my time.... plus, I was thinking of joining student congress next year... but I might not have enough time for both >.> So yea, for the results of the competition, we came 11th out of 18.... SHS won the whole thing (*shakes fists*)... and I had to completely rewire the robot about 3 times... and make many-an adjustments XP yes..... as I like to say, best part of robotics is not the construction, but the destruction ^^ Our kiosk this year was really really crappy, and completely made of jibrock (which is basically a huge board of chalk.... therefore very fragile =D) so in order to break it down to little carryable pieces, we had to kung fu the **** out of it ^^ 'twas very very fun =D Robowars 2006 - Concordia Autonomous Sumo: yes... competition started on March 4th 2PM, we started building the robot March 3rd 4PM.... 21 hour non-stop (no sleep) blitz.... and we still didn't finish >..> and in other things.... I'll be graduating from Chinese school this year (MCCS) and we're putting on a play and singing a song... and yea, i'm trying to go for 1 of 3 main vocals for the singing ^^ also in other things, i've really started playing piano again (well, that happened a few months ago too, but now I play every single day =P) I'm learning Minami's Piano Piece for Sena from Long Vacation (Jdrama song) and Liszt's La Campanella (some hardcore classical piece) also... (hehe) i'll be going to a friend's friend's piano performance this sat... really hardcore and beautiful apparently... XP basically, that's all that's been happening to me lately... and if i didn't mention anything worth mentioning, its called selective memory XP

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... words can have such powers ;_; so yea, random summary of my life at school so far... pretty slack (cuz i haven't started doing any homework or studying yet >.>) and well... okay... i guess =p. Yes, anyways, I've have pretty much a break with YLZ almost every single day now... (except on fridays >.> and i forgot if we do on mondays....) and we've been talking and doing random stuff a lot.... i guess i should be happy, but i've been discovering some stuff bout the two of us and well.... not exactly great XP oh well >.> yes.... okay, two more pieces of "poetry"... both out of desperation.... *sigh* i haven't thought of a title yet... maybe i'll find one one day, and maybe i'll edit them a bit.... everything's a maybe or perhaps or an if.... >.> so yea, enjoy the crap poetry: --------------------------------------- NO TITLE 19/01/06 I have thoughts that bind me here, Ones that make me wonder if this Place is really where I should be. I've hurdled myself into corners, Juggled my sanity in a dazed reality Tormented myself into sleep I'll look into my "closest" ones for support, Yet they will unknowingly turn away and deny me. I'm trying to escape from here, To run away, To flee from this tsunami of troubles, To build a shell around myself, To throw myself into a bliss And listen only to the ethereal voices Of the angels in my head. I want to change, To break from this shell and become a butterfly, To leave the nest and never come back, To be as free as the water in the ocean And the clouds in the sky. I'll build a castle in the heavens, I'll dance on the clouds, I'll embrace the sun, I'll court the moon and I'll kiss the rain. I'll open the dam to the river That flows within me to anyone Who wishes to engulf themselves, Yet I will not waste my precious breath, On those deaf mouths that surround me. --------------------------------------- NO TITLE 19/01/06 Wavering emotions that will not settle Memories that will not halt their barging, My feelings are like the tide of the sea, They shall come and go as they please, Never to stop in one place forever. I'll think that I love you, Yet my mind will doubt itself, And I'll think that my mind plays A cruel trickery on my heart. I cannot forgive myself. I do not know what you think, I'm bordering on opening myself Yet I cannot bring out such courage. We'll talk, We'll laugh, And we'll spend time together As mere friends staying in each other's company. But I treasure these moments, For they are the rainbows in my heart And the sparkles in my mind. I'll enjoy every second we're together, For they are the joy of my days And the core of my dreams. We'll discuss, and We'll argue. You'll tell me what you're thinking, But I cannot bear myself to pronounce The turmoil within my inner shell. Perhaps I'll spend the rest of my days Silent and blocking my emotions, Perhaps you'll walk away without ever knowing my feelings, Perhaps I'll be the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of your life, And the Hamlet of mine own. I wish to stay true to myself and to you, Yet I know not of my true nature, And thus uncertain of my emotions, And the last thing I wish for is to hurt you. This uncertainty and ambiguity Is what tormets me so, I know not what to do But to let time take my hand And guide me along its path, For I am doomed by my character And bound by this love. --------------------------------------- anyways, i started watching a Korean Soap called Winter's Sonata, apparently supposedly really depressing at the end, but i'm only on ep2 right now... plus i don't think i even have enough HD space to store all the episodes >.> its gonna take 13gb.... >.> And yea, Yiruma's Beloved (vocal ver) is a really good song... its so calm and soothing.... >.>

school started 3 days ago, its 7:47AM and i should start studying for a chinese exam that's in 5 hours.... bleh XP my schedule's okay, but i got everything that i wanted =P... so basically really wierd classes, good teachers, and crappy times ^^ yea, one of my classes is Shakespeare Tragedies, and we're gonna read Hamlet, Macbeth, Othello and King Lear. Being the studious student that i am, i went out to go buy them yesterday =P I basically spent 30minutes in Indigo, $30 at the end, on 150+ sonnets and 6 plays by shakespeare XP besides those 4 aforementioned plays, i also got Romeo and Juliet (which I really liked when I read it 2 years ago), A Midsummer Night's Dream (i felt like reading something else by him, so I got this, it was either this or A Merchant in Venice =p) and a collection of Shakespeare's Sonnets.... so I can try and improve my poem writing skillz ^^;;..... not that I have any to improve anyways ;_; so yes... uber nerd... getting shakespeare plays just so I can read them on my free time >.> so yes... I really shouldn't be here wasting my precious time when I could be studying for an exam i'd get mid-70's on XP but.... ugh, so hard to get off my lazy ass, and so tired..... >..> like... its along the lines of Michael Wong's Tong Hua-Depressing.... but its such a great song XP i might learn it next on piano.... after I completely perfect and emotionalize Kiss the Rain and start learning When the Love Falls (both by Yiruma ^^) blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... >.> hm... i just fished out a whole bunch of old PVs i dled a long time ago.... and i've forgotten how good Yuna Ito's Endless Story, Changin' My Life's Eternal Snow, Shimokawa Mikuni and a whole bunch of other stuff are XP okay, time to go cram >.>

its really rare that I'm on the computer and not listening to music.... >.> yes... depressing thoughts, emotional rollercoasters, gotta love em >.> and the worst thing is, i don't even know why.... I don't feel like saying much, maybe i'll edit this post later on, but here's a piece I wrote out of desperation last night. ---------------------------------------------------------- ENDLESS RAIN 7/1/06 The rain continuously falls where I live, I'll stare at the outside world Through a small hole in the wall, Imprisoned by inescapable walls. I'll wait and wait for someone to come, though I know deep down inside that no one will, But I'll hang onto an eroding thread of hope, Thinking that all wishes will come true one day. I'm alone, isolated, forgotten. I have long since left the destructive realm of materialism, Only to step into the unforgiving world of relationships; Now I crave not to own objects, but to interact. And yet, my addiction cannot be fulfilled; For I am eternally trapped, Surrounded by four relentless sentinels, Waiting for my inevitable submission. I'll bang on the walls and scream, I'll turn in circles and collapse onto myself, Bound and crushed by unforgiving chains That cut into me yet shows no marks. So here I am, Looking through my hole at the endless rain, Waiting for a person to come, Anyone, just anyone.... I'll sleep, hoping that the next morning Things will change, But any fire will eventually burn itself out, Leaving smouldering ashes to be scattered by the wind.

Well, happy holidays everyone ^^ life's all boring as usual.... can't wait till i go back to school and start hanging out with friends and ping ponging again XP *sigh*... i have to rely on school to get away from the house >.> So yea, here's a little summary of what happened during the break ^^ (and a lot of incoherency ^^) Beginning of the break, the week after exams ended, we had 3 robotics meetings in 3 days... which adds up to 16 hours =P it was kinda fun, though a bit dreading BEFORE the meeting started but rocked after it did.... ofc, there was more shutting down and destruction than discussion and constructive work done ^^ but that's what i really like abuot robotics, its the discussion and the coming together of many MANY ideas and how this works or how this is really inefficient.... i guess it's also cuz that's how i work as a person, I try to analyze everything from every single perspective to determine if its good or bad XP but ofc, i always leave out the most important details, but that's besides the point ^^ okay... so christmas days (eve, day, boxing) absolutely nothing... and the only gift i got was whoppin' stomach flu ^__________^.... .... .... >.> yes, it sucked horribly >.> but wtvr, i got a ping pong paddle for $15 that was on special at sports expert.... can't wait to try it out =D since the beginning of the break, i've been exchanging emails with YLZ every single day ^^ and well, interesting things were said... and apparently, she's not into guys >.> lol, but i'll still keep going at it! XP bleh, and for some reason, she hasn't said anything since the new years XP oh well.... >..> i really need to find some sort of thing to do.... gd it, why can't robotics start up again >.> i need to destroy something! bleh, my mind hasn't been very poetic lately............... XP okay, can't think of anything more to write =P oh yea... anyone seen Memoirs of a Geisha? i had an severly anti-japanese racist person recommend it to me, so i'm must go and see it ^^ XP random thought.... sometimes i wish i could just like... hang out alone in the country for a few days...like rural rural country, basically camping lol. it'd be so peaceful... but my parents are so... city-ish, plus a paranoid mom >.> /edit okay, forget the part about being unpoetic XDXD i had some inspiration last night, so here's my new work ^^ crappy stuff as usual... it kinda goes off track from what i really wanted to write about near the middle... but here it is ^^ i might change it around later =P ---------------------------------------------------------- FORGOTTEN PETALS 3/1/06 A single flower in my open palm It has no others like it around it No support to lift it up when needed Left alone to survive by its own means So many will ignore it So many will walk past it So many will brush it aside So many will look away Its subdued beauty catches The few eyes that would look at it Its pale colours shine more Vibrantly under tainted eyes It exists not for its beauty It is used not to impress others Only for us to look at it And feel a calmness wash over us A clear white and a faded pink, They blend together, swirl and Entwine in such a way that Eases all eyes that fall prey to it Such a blissful creature that most Of humanity remains ignorant of Its uniqueness stands out yet Many never notice it A wind may blow, and its petals Will rise and drift like the snow Its simplicity blinding the ferociousness Of the lives we lead Such a heavenly being, It must be composed by the purest ether And woven together by angelic voices It could not have had a more proper name than Cherry Blossoms.

Bleh, yes, another entry about YLZ ^^;; I've been doubting myself more and more often now.... not knowing whether I truly like her or is it for some unjustly reason like "coed's new" XP And then I remember something from English class.... (thank you Biggs ^^) We were reading some REALLY random play called "Love Letters" and the ONLY thing I remember from it that you can be attracted to someone but yet you have absolutely no feelings... and I'm beginning to think this is how I am. Such a cruel trick for your mind to play on you.... bleh Two days ago, she just randomly said to me "You better do my quiz" and I'm like.... "what quiz...?" Apparently, she did one of those "10 things about yourself" type quizzes, and wanted me to do it too, and seeing that I've never done anything like this, I was just thinking might as well. So I go look at hers to see and surprisingly, we have quite a few things that match XP but yea, that wasn't my point. My point is that you can learn quite a few things about yourself from doing these kind of things.... So to continue or not to continue? Yea, I was thinking bout stuff as usual right before I went to sleep.... so here's a new poem ^^ This poem's style a bit different that what I usually do.... its very rare that I do triplets only =p ---------------------------------------------------------- AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER Continental fissures exist between us And it seems that no force I can muster By myself can halt their exponential growth We started as strangers and grew closer with time But now I can feel you distancing yourself Slow but surely inching away I analyze and solve numbers and figures With such confidence, Proceeding with striking logic Yet when it comes to you I can merely guess and hope Like shooting a moving target blindfolded I do not know why you became so cold All your energy drained at my sight Saying precomposed greetings with such indifference That it froze my heart to hear it Maybe we were not meant to be Maybe I was not meant to have you For you never wanted to have me So I'll turn my back and walk away Painting pictures of our time And storing them in a dark corner I'll take them out one day and look at them To remember the one I lost slowly And our sweet antithesis of a fairy tale. ---------------------------------------------------------- Oh yea, and here's that quiz thingy of mine XP TEN random things about me: 1. I have a very poetic mind (which includes composing =p) 2. I'm an organizing freak 3. I love romance stories 4. I'm heavily musically inclined but not talented at all 5. The temperature of my room is the temperature outside (with a limit at 7degC) 6. I like going against the norm (most of the time) 7. I play 3 of the most aggressive sports (football, wrestling, rugby) 8. I am MUCH more agile, flexible and swifter than I look 9. I love nature even though I don't go out much 10. I'm adept at analyzing my environments using all 5 senses NINE places I have visited: 1. Hong Kong 2. Woodstock, Ontario (I bet you haven't heard of that place!) 3. Vermont 4. Toronto 5. Quebec City 6. Ottawa 7. Vancouver 8. H2O Island (Booyea! >.>) 9. Stratford EIGHT things I want to do before I die: 1. Find my soulmate 2. Be able to drum like yoshiki, sing like hyde, and bass like tetsu 3. Be fully ambidextrous 4. Be 1337 at Kung Fu and do crazy acrobatic stuff 5. Travel the world 6. Become a jack of all trades 7. Be able to express myself clearly through all media 8. Go camping SEVEN ways to win my heart: 1. Be yourself 2. Surprise me 3. Be crazy with me 4. Make me laugh 5. Show that you care 6. Be energetic 7. Encourage me SIX things I seek in my perfect girl: 1. Ability to listen and understand what isn't explicitly said 2. Be able to simply enjoy each other's presence 3. Be themselves and not pretend who they are not 4. Be able to withstand my boringness 5. Wants to raise a good family 6. Someone who's true chemical properties react well with mine FIVE things I am afraid of: 1. Insects 2. Having a screwed up family 3. Failing at true chemistry 4. Being naive my whole life 5. Leading a boring and unhappy life FOUR of my favorite facial features: 1. My Teeth (yay for braces and overly large incisors!) 2. My Ears (I love acute hearing ^^) 3. *sarcasm* My Eyes *sarcasm* 4. My short short short hair THREE things I do everyday: 1. Sing 2. Drum (either real, air or improv ^^) 3. Listen to music TWO things I am not trying to do right now: 1. Overdo certain things 2. Do something constructive.... ONE person I want to see right now: 1. Undisclosed ^^

Life's been very hectic.... so much cramming and study to do... so little time >.> yeeep, it's final exam time and its not any easier with 4 exams.... >.> well, last friday, I had my Chem NYA exam... let's just say they gave us 3 hours to do it... I finished in an hour and a half >.> it was friggin easy. But the wierd thing is that people found it really hard, and saying that they bombed it.... ionno XP like, out of 15 questions, there were only like, 1 that was purely on theory, others were either number questions or like... stuff like lewis dot structures =P *sigh* now i have only 5 hours left to cram for Cal1 exam tmr >.> i really should go.... oh well XP Anyways, I rewatched Michael Wong's Tong Hua PV, and I get depressed again... if you look at the lyrics alone, they're not that depressing, sometimes even hopeful; but the second you put lyrics and music video together, its a deadly combination.... VERY depressing X.x hm... I had this really depressing dream last night... I dreamt that I had lost one of my closest friend, all because of my failure and crumbling over pressure. I mean, it wasn't exactly gruesome or depressing (because I wasn't thinking about that), but it just felt angry, like, life is so fragile and that anyone of us can disappear forever within a split second, and you never know who's next, but yet, we treat our friends, family, strangers and our relationships like they'll exist forever... we take them all for granted.... I know there's nothing we can really do, and in due time, we will forgot how precious these things are and think they'll last forever *sigh* even in text I don't know how to express myself >.> just imagine how i'll do verbally XD so yea... more crappy poetry! this stuff just like... random comes into my mind >.> like... the first one sprung from me hearing the first two words of a random song i was listening to... second was... really random too, I was studying for Chem when it just hit my head XP sadly, things like this happen to me a lot, but I don't write them all down, as some are really random and I don't always have the time to do so XP so yea, enjoy ^^ ---------------------------------------------------------- Ocean's side, watery breeze, Lost memories, scattered thoughts, Confused minds, no thinking, Mumbling, rambling.... I am here, beautiful scenery, I do no exist, drifting clouds, I am fine, crushing waves, I will recover, scorching sun. I won't forget, I will remember, I'll relive, I'll enjoy I'll smile and laugh My precious memories are mine alone You can't take them away from me. ---------------------------------------------------------- My head lost in my thoughts, My heart in another place. The body that holds this pen Sits lifeless like an empty shell. This physical mass looks but sees not, It is here and moves to The droning of repetative lives. Its emotional being lost in Eddies of emotions and torrents of feelings, Words cannot define what this one Feels or why things are so. It is merely a primal instinct that Seeks to live without comprehensible meaning. It has no background, no shadings; No past, no future; Only a foreground and a present. A story that needs no prologue nor ending; A song that has no beginning or finale; A piece who's curtains never will be opened or closed. The instaneous commotion that it causes Brings our attention to it, Its fierce uncontrollability intrigues us And its powerful force manipulates us; And this is what draws me to you. ---------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, I love going to bed... cuz its the only time of the day where you can think about ANYTHING you want... like, any random thought can pop into your head, and you know there won't be anyhting that can disturb, and its funny where your mind will wander....... hehe XP

eh... many things have happened XP From the topic that has bothered me the most... YLZ =P We're talking quite infrequently, though I enjoy every single moment that we do ^^ I've noticed something, that didn't really happen with other people much, our conversations seem really natural.... like, I don't have to be scratching my brain clean in order to find something to talk about, they just come naturally... (or she's the one doing it and is much faster than me XP) maybe its just cuz she's social =P and yea, second thing is that all our conversations, if undisturbed by class or dinner or whatever, always last minimum an hour ^^ Well, now I think I really do like her... but... bleh =P Oh well, cuz of her, I might be working at MGH (Mtl General Hospital), but ofc, my mom is against this sort of thing (for very logical reasons that I agree with too, but still =P)... I wanna go cuz well, its the first time I've ever done this kind of thing (yes, chasing after girls and long-term volunteering work XP). Its also cuz I've never really committed myself to anything before... and it feels really bad to not have done that, plus I might be able to decide whether if I'll want to go in Med or stay in Engineering.... I'm still so confused about that XP Ofc, the naive me thought I'd be able to only work a little bit (because I've never done anything like this) but I was checking out the volunteering website, and I found out that there's this huge long registration process... and that working time is minimum 5 months, 2-3hours a week >..> (and i'm starting to repeat myself XP) So yea, I went to go watch the movie Rent, which is basically the Broadway Musical of the same name made into a movie... It was WIERD. Its a musical (which is always a plus for me, cuz I love vocals =D), but it was kinda long.... 2hr 15min... but they had this drag queen that was a really cool drummer... and *SPOILER* it was really depressing when he died =( *SPOILER* All in all, the whole second half of the movie was really deperessing.... but it was even more depressing afterwards because I tried to invite YLZ to come... but she said she was going to study, but never actually confirmed... so i was half-hoping that she'd somehow show up XP so ofc, she never did.... ionno if she was actually busy, or just "busy" -_-;; gyah... it sure sucks to not know how the other person thinks >.> ~3 days later....~ We never ended up going to the hospital.... we were supposed to meet in the student lounge at 2, but she came a bit early, dunno why... but we ended up playing a bit of ping pong with NX too (too bad i never got to play her =( i was playing someone else when she came... and we were doing double switches XP) we both asked each other a few times "so are we giong to the hospital today?" but we never actually gave each other a straight answer.... so I guess we were both confused. So she left to eat lunch, and found out later that she was in the piano room, so I went in there too... but there was a whole bunch of ppl, and I got too shy (as depicted by my character >.>) to ask her if we were going or not.... so I ended up staying for an hour and a half in that room, playing the guitar and piano VERY crappily (and being commented on my choice of music to play XP). So time was stalled until it was too late to go (because YLZ had class at 4...) >.> I actually ended school at 11.... so i basically wasted 5 hours for a lost cause >.> well... not COMPLETELY lost since I did get to talk to her ^^ hm... Every single day... I feel like talking to her, but I don't know if I'm going to be really annoying... cuz I know that feeling when some really annoying person talks to you every single day, but you dont want to tell him off >.> but then again... all our conversations are about an hour... with plenty of chances to sneak away... XP so ionno.... Anyways schools done, finals coming up soon.... bleh >.> Oh yea, I'm improving so much in ping pong ^^ I can finally backhand topspin-smash almost perfectly ^______^ but i still can't normal smash >.>

hm.... I had to wake up to do something for an online game.... its 6AM right now.... and I don't feel like going to sleep right away XP so here I am writing this when I could be sleeping.... hehe so anyways... life's quite good =D on my 2nd batch of midterms, they total up to being an 86 (in anthropology, so that doesn't really count XP), 97 (physics), 99 (chem), 104 (cal1) ^___________^ but.... there's an english essay that I was supposed to hand in last wednesday that I haven't finished >..> I'm starting to doubt myself that I actually do like her... and that the fact that I don't know if she has a bf or not has made me hesitate >.> but I've decided to get to know her as a friend first anyways... so I guess that doesn't matter XP (bleh, confusion and chaos all around!) Its funny how she's unknowingly saved my life twice already (academically-wise XP): First time, it was my chem midterm, there was this question that I couldn't get, so I was going to give up on it; but I really wanted to talk to her (which happened later ^^), so I stayed because she was still working on it. I was just staring at my paper for the whole time... but at the last 5 minutes of the midterm, I finally saw a solution to my problem, and finished it within those 5 min and got myself my 99 ^^ (oh yea, asian quote of the month recorded by NX: "Dammit, I got another 99!") Anyways... Second time was that she forgot her lab manual at home (which is this weekend =p), so I said that I'd scan it for her (which was a *#&$#*(& stupid idea since it was TWELVE pages!! >..> but anyways, JS and PMS came over and we jammed for about 4 hours =D which was quite fun, cuz I got to be shut down even more by their guitar skills but I got to drum with someone besides my brother and I got to play with JS's bass =D (which I love and might be getting one for myself ^^) yea.... it was much much fun (and I'm learning to do some drum solos too ^_________^) and yea... no new poetry, my mind hasn't been very poetic lately... XP, oh yea, it snowed on thursday too.... first snow of the year~~~ how romantic XDXDXD oh yea x2, I started to watch japanese drama (aka jdrama) and it seems MUCH better than anime... XP oh yea x3, I'm starting to get addicted to ping pong XP They have it at my school... and I've been playing so much for the past few days, and I love it =D though I suck, I'm getting better and better, and I found this random korean pop song where when I listen to it, I play uber 1337ly! ^^

w00000000000000000000000000000000000tzzzzzzzzz ^^ okay, so I fulfilled Charlie's challenge, and I finally got her email ^^ though I feel ashamed for not being direct XP I had to through a huge loop of things >..>) anyways.... so class started then, and I couldn't do it anymore >.> which also ruined my 2nd action, cuz I was going to try to get her to play a joke on nan with me... but alas, class started, so such a joke could not be played. My final move would've been to ask if she had her friend's email (who is in one of my other classes) and hope that she wouldnt' remember, so I'd be able to ask for her msn and then she'd tell me.... but noooooo! she had to remember the guy's email who i was asking for >.> (which leads me to another doubt.... i never really confirmed if she had a bf or not, but wtvr, its just getting to know her ^^) So she wrote down his email.... but with a stroke of luck, she doesn't remember what his email was exactly.... so this was my last chance! (saigo no chansu XP) So I, ofc with all the social skillz I had, if it'd be okay if I gave her my msn if any problems came up with the email, and so (she prolly didn't hear me >.>) she wrote down her email too.... w00tz ^^ but still.... it feels so bad to get her email that way XP so much more impersonal than asking it straight up.... *sigh* So yea.... nothing else is happening XP (btw, I find myself so pathetic.... I've noticed that in my convos with CAM and JS that I keep finding excuses for me not able to do something, when I'm trying to get them to help me do something....) Oh yea, funny thing happened XP JS was trying to help me... so he sprayed some Axe on me... a little too much I would say. So I smelled heavily of DO for my first period after that (which wasn't chem thankfully), but it started irritating my nose and I had trouble breathing.... I guess I don't go well with that stuff >.> But even now, it seeped through 2 layers of clothing, and I can smell it on my skin >.> bleh, oh well, everything's all good =D oh yea (yes, again >.>) I can finally sing Tong Hua ^^ though my voice cracks sometimes, and I can't hit the high notes cleanly XP

well, more poetry for those of you who like to read crap poetry! XP first one is something i took from a part in Final Fantasy 6 (aka FF3 in North America)..... copyright to Squaresoft and whoever was the translator to the rom that i got XP its the part where Celes pretends to be Maria in an opera piece... and I thought the lyrics were really nice ^^ ---------------------------------------------------------- FINAL FANTASY 6 OPERA LYRICS Oh my hero So far away now Will I ever see your smile? Love goes away Like night into day It’s just a fading dream I’m the darkness You’re the stars Our love is brighter than the sun For eternity For me there can be, Only you, my chosen one… Must I forget you? Our solemn promise? Will autumn take the place of spring? What shall I do? I’m lost without you. Speak to me once more! We must part now. My life goes on. But my heart won’t give you up. Ere I walk away, Let me hear you say. I meant as much to you… So gently You touched my heart. I will be forever yours. Come what may, I won’t age a day, I’ll wait for you, always ---------------------------------------------------------- and here's another random fragment of my mind I put on paper.... its not part of anything, nor is it complete.... its even titleless, themeless and maybe forgotten.... maybe i'll finish it sometime when i get some time to think about these things, which isn't very often nowadays >.> anywaysssssssssssssssss.... ---------------------------------------------------------- Must we part now? In the silence of the moon And the stillness of the trees. There is reason in this madness I understand yet I do not comprehend Was all this mere play on the words that surround and bind us together? There is emptiness inside.... Even now, I am a child on Chrismas Eve, Wide awake at night, hoping and Praying with my pure heart that My wishes for greed and selfishness Would come true.... But Alas, this wish is too great of one to be. Was our bond close Like the flowers embedded in the earth? Or were we each one of the poles? Was it a soliloquy of a play, One that was bound to end abruptly, So that all else may continue. ---------------------------------------------------------- yea.... onto what a blog should really do ^^ hehe, so the unknowning girl that i like played a joke on me yesterday.... so it has confirmed a fact that she DOES know my name ^^.... though I DID feel it was kind of random.... maybe she likes me too =D ah... dreams, they can sure make you feel like an idiot >.> now that i think about it.... i think she tried to draw attention to herself a few days ago too...... XP I've been talking to charlie... and he's pressuring me to be active... which is counter to what my personality is, or at least what I believe what my personality is.... dam mental blocks! according to him.... i should tell one of my friends about the girl i like (cuz their friends) so he can help me... but being who I am, I can't help but think of all the possible reactions that can happen >.> and ofc, the worse ones always come to mind. he wants me to get her email by thursday.... which leaves me about 1 and a half days XP blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe I should just concentrate on my studying.... which reminds me that I should've started studying/working on assignments 3 hours ago when I got home >.> but NOOOOOOO, i just HAD to start talking to charlie >.> ... ... ... life sure is confusing >.>

As you might've well guessed from the title, nothing new's been happening.... and if something DID happen that was worthy of being noted down, I don't remember it anymore, therefore making it unworthy to note down =P Anywaysssssssss.... I've gotten a new set of speakers ^^ Cyber Acoustic 3640ML 110W speakers w/ 12 inch subwoofer =D=D. Sound is pretty good, though I'm still not used to the bass... since my old speakers basically didn't HAVE any bass XP. First time I plugged them in, played a song, and I could feel the ground shake with the subwoofer.... I had to put 4 layers of styrofoam under it so I wouldn't disturb (as much =p) my dad who worked downstairs. And yea, it pwnzzzzzz ^^ so yea.... during activity period, there was *supposedly* an information meeting about Dragon Boat in July... but after waiting for 10min, only about 6 ppl showed up... instead of like 25-30 that we were planning. So I just signed up and left... nothing interesting there XP So I leave there, and I was really bored and had no where to go since I had no clue where my other friends were (we usually sit outside on the lawn, but it was raining, so everyone stayed inside, scattered everywhere). Then I hear over the PA that the Vocal Variety club has a meeting.... and I wanted to check it out, so I head over to Room 102 where they were having their meeting. I walk through the door and I see two girls sitting VERY lazily across from each other with papers scattered between them. I start to say "Is this..." and they cut me off saying "Yes". Intruiged by their boredom, I walk in sit down, have the usual introductions and we start talking about really random stuff. We waited for 30min for this so-called meeting, and just like the DB one, no one shows up.... like, literally NO ONE. So right before we leave, I decide to sign up and I do. Then the club exec tells me "Our club has about 17 girls, and 1 guy.... guess who the guy is? You'll be getting a lot of female attention. At least we finally have some male vocals." Oh man... >.>.... XP Oh well... at least I'll get to practice singing without *everyone* staring in wonder of my lack of embarrassment (i'll have maybe 15 ppl look as stupid as me ^^.... or maybe less, since i'll be the only guy >.>)... on a related issue, I think my singing has really improved since 2 years ago ^^ (it better have, or else someone's head is going to fall if it didn't) So yea, I tell this news to a friend, PMS (the very same on from a few entries ago =P) and he's like "If you don't walk out of there by the end of the year with a girlfriend, I'm killing you".... lol, but then I tell him that that won't happen cuz i'm not that type of guy, and I already have someone else in mind ^^ so yea, approx 5 ppl know of that secret (2 of them i wish they didn't >.>) maybe that'll never go anywhere, but one can wish can't they? So anyways.... thinking about that one girl and our "relationship" i wrote this while I was doing math homework in the library waiting for a robotics meeting one day.... this is only first draft, no editing was done at all, and most likely not finished cuz i'll be adding other stuff XP ---------------------------------------------------------- FAILING WORDS Mouthed words, even to the closest Ear, will never reach out to anyone. Their ideas that wish to be communicated Will never take form. Like a blind fish in a scorching desert, Being powerless drains all energy from both body and mind. It is better to seal these thoughts Forever, for they would do no good to remain. Why do the ones you wish to be close Always seem the furthest away? Unbeknownst to you, there is one Lonely soul who gazes from afar Who is hurt deeply when you are in trouble For nothing can be done to [help]; Who cries silent happiness when you succeed For the wishes of your wellbeing come true; Who prays for you when you try to accomplish For the encouragement and support you need. These deaf words from afar scream of their passion, And yet, they will die before rolling off the tongue. You will never hear the declerations and confessions Of one's love and passion. And here I am, Such written words are my swords And these poems my strategies To overcome and destroy these barriers That prevent me from saying three words. ---------------------------------------------------------- Oh yea, found this new song called "Tong Hua" by Michael Wong, it is le pwn! I love it ^^ I'm trying to learn this song on guitar and on piano, then maybe finally be able to sing it while playing an instrument ^^

Okay, so it was bound to happen.... I found out that my mom and bro have been snooping around my diary for a while and that they've read my entries. WTF, is there no privacy in this world? I guess not >.> and I should've known that they would've found out sooner or later.... *sigh* now they've read all my inner thoughts... something I wanted to keep away from them. But I know she use the excuse "I'm your mother, I should know everything you do" or the "You shouldn't post things about yourself on the internet".... *sigh* why can't things ever work out? but things do.... sometimes.... nothing in my social life ofc ^^ .... I wrote this a while ago, and I guess it fits perfectly into this situation.... there's not title, since it was just some random stanza I wrote a while ago -------------------------------------- What is this world, but a game of hide and seek? If it is not to hide things from others, Then it is to seek what others have hidden from you. Trust and friendship are merely words, that ease the search For things masked and painted in different colours To deceive and fool those who are gullible. -------------------------------------- I thinking of what to do now.... right now, this diary is for friends only, but I might make a new one under a completely random and non-personalistic name and cover my tracks even better. But ofc, I'll be updating this one too (maybe just titles, who knows) so it seems like that I'll still using this one... cuz ya know, I still want input from the random ppls out there ^^ anyways, onto other news, my mom and bro had a huge fight last night... about how my bro ditched family time at dinner for a phone call with his (unconfirmed as of now =P) gf.... sometimes I get amazed at my bro's lack of logic.... life is sad isn't it? so yea, I might be getting my first guitar ^^ it'll be a 2nd hand from a friend called Johno S. for $55 (guitar + case) its a really crappy guitar, confirmed by every experienced person who used it =P but it'll just be using it for practice and maybe bringing it to school once in a while... ya know, just to show off those 1337 guitar skillz of mine ^^ so 1337 that i broke 2 strings in 3 days and that I can only play power chords ^^ hm... I can't believe I forgot to write about this.... so yea, here it is ^^ a few weeks ago, I watched the long awaited Final Fantasy 7 - Advent Children.... ofc, le pwnz!! graphics, sound-wise, it was uber.... but story-wise... it wasn't that great =P IMO, there wasn't a very good story, its just another one of those "damn, I gotta save the world, but somehow I'm lacking the willpower to do so... someone come save me!" and I think it focussed too much on Cloud.... should've been more time on the other characters

w0000000000tz, finally got my PS2->USB adapter. Which = DDR time at home = Massive DDRing time = uber DDRing time = 1337 DDR skillz developing = w00tz = exercise = burn calories = more fit = sexy (as if i'm not already sekseh ^^.... yea, right.... -_-;;) anyways, i've been waiting for 3 months for this adapter (cuz i never actually bothered to order it >.>) and here it is! ~~w00tz~~ oh yea, i also got this sweet looking Counter-Strike phone strap/light thingy, very very cute XD but ofc, I don't have a phone, so i just hung it off my mp3 player XP (check it out here =D: http://www.lik-sang.com/info.php?category=272&products_id=5004&) So yea, school life..... hm.... not bad, met a few new friends w/o too much of a trouble.... hm.... yea... there's this one girl, who, by luck or chance or fate or whateveryouwishtobelievein, I have 4 classes with.... I see her every single day, sometimes 3 times a day, yet the funny thing is, all we've said to each other is: "Hi, I'm Shang Gil" "Hey, I'm Chris" "..." "..." and we went along our daily lives just like that.... lol dunno why i'm saying this, just think its a bit funny ^^ Man, on the subject of friends, its so good to have selwyn people as like... a backup reserve of friends.... i feel so bad to think of them like that, but its what i think. Like, being anti-social doesn't help to make friends... arg, going on blabbling about random thoughts =P Hm.... there's this girl who, let's just say.... I want to get to know ^^ she's a friend of a friend, seems quite cute and ofc, asian ^^ but yea, once again.... anti-social and no people skills doesn't help >.> Yes.... more news on school life.... looks like I might be co-leader on Mariano Robotics Team!! (which is just leader of Video component, not some glorious job >.>) anddddddddd.... i found out jogging with someone else is much better than jogging alone =D my gym class is just walking around Mt. Royal, but we could jog if we wanted to and might HAVE to if we want to raise our Heart Rates, so i went joggign with this girl, and we just kept pushing ourselves cuz we were in company with another... and we ended up jogging for like... 35-40 min, which is almost double my usual jog time (20min), but normal for her XP, so yea, time to get fit.... according to some fitness test, my fitness is very poor XD On another topic besides school.... new poetic/lyrical work! My friend, conviniently named PMS (no joke, those are his initial's =P) was writing a song for his gf (which i didn't know then that he was writing it for her =P, so the following events happened as it did), so being the crappy poet that I am, I went and made up some random lyrics at some random point in my life while doing some mindless random thing >.> (actually i think i wrote it in the middle of the night... where I do most of my random thinking =P) So here it is, song's called "Blank" you'll see why when you read it ^^ please give input! ------------------------------------------------ BLANK Roaming the streets Listening to the noise all around I'm lost and confused Dazed and shocked by the words from you [Chorus] Reach up and fall back down Go for the top but I can't make it I can't think anymore My mind's all blank Gotta find the way I gotta find the way But I can't think anymore My mind's all blank [During jazz] Uuu.... Is this chaos all there is That nothing more than the limbo that exists Pull me up from under Light my path once again I'm gonna breakaway Just gonna fall away Wish to fly away Won't you just go away? Oh.... I'll tear away Rip it away Runaway Won't you just go away!? [Chorus repeat] Oh... Ah... ------------------------------------------------ Ofc, all of these works are mine and I will stalk you down if you take any part of it without asking me =D, and also ofc these are works still in development and will change over time as I think of new things ^^ so..... prepare those flamethrowers and flame me to the depths of hell!

Okay, I got really lazy.... XP August 27th, Echo Source full live concert #2!!! And it was le pwn! ^^ Although I was removed from the position as pure drummer, i still drummed just under half the songs, and it was hella fun =D Okay... even lazier, i've put this entry off for too long and i've forgotten what i wanted to write about XD So yea, it was hella fun.... and well... hella fun XP We had a barbeque/pot luck a few hours before the concert... to me, it was kinda boring since I didn't know anyone (they were all university students...) so I just hung around on the outside/the corner eating a little until my friends came. Then we REALLY sat in the corner just talking, making jokes and eating food ^^ so yea, nothing much else there. We planned for when the concert started, we would walk in one by one, and start playing our parts. We had everything dark, and since Neighbourhood #2 (Laika) by Arcade Fire was our first song, and it started with bells, I was the first to walk out and start shaking a metal bead filled egg and a tambourine ^^. So yea, concert pwned.... ended with like... 5 encores. Ended at 10:30PMish, but since we recorded our concert, we were listening to it while packing up, and ended up leaving the guy's house at like.... 1AM. and once again, hella fun, can't wait till we do that again in half a year or so ^^ Back to school life... My school has clubs (thank god, i've been waiting for them >.>) and well, its really fun =D.... out of all of them, I joined the Mahjong Club, Robotics Team, Chinese Club and.... Entertainment Club (which I basically joined so I could play Go with someone =P)... yea, life's going pretty easily except for the all the work piling up every week which makes me work my ass off wednesday and thursday nights >.> And one last random comment... the weather is (*#$&(*@#&$(@#&*%@*(%!@&%^&!@#ing hot.... I get my shirt drenched within 5 min of playing touch football.... Another random comment.... my gym class is about walking XD we walk around Mt. Royal for an hour or so.... and that's that XD its so slack, but enjoyable too, since I don't go out into the nature much >.< Okay, really the last random comment... collar bone finally healing, I can do most things but it still feels wierd sometimes =P Okay, fine, I lied.... w00tz to new clothes ^^ oh yea.... ai kotoba wa... afuro to gunsou! AFURO GUNSOU!!!! w00tz *dances to 80's funk*

Anyways, I've been getting lazy again =P 3 weeks ago, my family left for a 3 day trip to Toronto. Well, basically, our trip can be summed up with "shopping", "bubble tea", "eating" and a new term I call "Malling"... which is visiting, shopping and eating at 10 malls in a single day... (all asian malls too XP) Anyways, I ended up buying my long awaited DDR Dance Pad, only one of the cheap ones, but I couldn't get an adapter to make it a USB connection, so its sitting around gathering dust right now =p So that's that.... Ever since our decision to hold a concert on Aug 27, our band, Echo Source, has been gathering like crazy to practice like crazy XP.... We've been gathering a lot to practice, and we're slowly moving along... but I think we're moving TOO slowly.... Yea, I've been practicing so much guitar (since I'm not drumming the whole thing this time... [I suck too much =P]), my fingers have been HURTING LIKE HELL.... *#&% guitar strings.... even the mere act of typing this thing up hurts the fingertips on my left hand >...> Okay... so yea, today was first day of CEGEP for me (called college everywhere else >.>) and well... it's not THAT bad, besides the fact that I don't know anyone besides the 30 guys from my old school and 3 from chinese school.... in a sea of 1700 other students (with like 800 asians ^^ [jk, i don't know the actual number, but there are A LOT of asians there.... cuz its a smart school =D]) so yea, new school... FINALLY coed =P (though it doesn't make much of a diff right now since i'm like... anti-social.... XP hm.... time is running out..... XP