Oh, Christ I don't know whats going on anymore. I just have no idea. I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm sick of everyone seeing me like this because it -just isn't me-. It's falling apart in front of my eyes. Just... falling apart. And I can't even keep it together anymore. I try, and then I just stop trying. Its like it matters, its like its taking over my life, but its like it doesn't matter. I love him so much but its all pain now. Everytime he says 'I love you' I mentally question it, I mentally think 'why? Why me? Why do you love me?' And then I ask, in a sad little voice, usually, 'really?' Do you really love me. Do you really care. All it is is pain. I know that you can love me when there is no one left to blame