The reason I picked the name "mercator" for my diary was because I felt like an explorer exploring the ocean of life. I felt like I was going to have to map out the landmarks and the routes to get to the given point of where you want to be, yet now, I only feel lost. It seems that now I need to have an explorer to guide me through the journey. I just am confused, and I don't know.
For a long time I have been something I've hated all my life. As much as I've tried to lie to myself about it, it never really got through. And it took the loss of a very important person to make me realize myself.
Am I doomed to be only another hopeless dreamer in the sea?
Im not happy.
I never will be.
But you helped me a little towards happiness.
I cant help but think of how i have no future anymore .And that im better off just not here. Iloveyou.
I promised i always would. i meant it.
And i'm sure that someday you'll find what you're looking for. as long as you don't burn out and give up hope.
I'm falling apart and it hurts quite a bit. Maybe you'll sign on tonight and we can talk. i un-blocked you.