whats wrong with me!? how can i sin so badly against myself and God?? after everything God's done for me, all the blessings, all the moments alone with God, how can i still sin so badly!? He's given me so much! i cant even count! and even better than any physical blessing, He's given me people who genuinely care about me. Gabi, Kenzie, Khia, Zach, TJ, Jasper, Abby, the list goes on and on. yet here i am sinning! how can God love someone like me?? how can God love someone so stupid, so selfish, so ignorant, so unholy...? and now what? after the sin comes the regret and the loss and the wishing that i could go back. i almost wish that God didnt love me, right now. im just too undeserving...sometimes i wish God would really punish me with what i truly deserve. the crime has been committed and where is the justice?........on the cross with Jesus' blood on it.....again God gives me grace and mercy and forgiveness that i dont deserve. God, forgive me. ive sinned so much. im ashamed that you would call me your son, for what kind of son would want to hurt his father? .....God, you saved me. you saved me from what i was becoming, youve saved me from who i am, and youve saved me from the hell that i deserve. thank you God. thank you for the all the blessings and people youve put into my life. they mean more to me than anything else in this world. bless them, all of them. help Gabi, she struggles with a sin much like my own. give her the strength she needs to overcome. and every time she fails to overcome, give her the same grace and mercy that youve given me and help her rise back onto her feet to fight again. Give me the wisdom to help her in her fight. thank you God, for everything. for your love, your grace, your mercy, and your kindness. Amen.