im so glad that my friends are happy. i do what i can, but sometimes things just work out. its so nice. well...we have tomorrow and friday off for conferences. we all need this break so badly. it is the first school day we have had off since labor day, which was in the first week of school this year. i think its been about 60 days straight. just thank god. generally, im kind of irritated. mom's birthday was yesterday, and dad always puts a load of pressure on me to get her a nice gift. he doesnt seem to realize that i dont get paid, and therefore, have no money for myself let alone others. anyway, i was supposed to take mom out to lunch and a movie tomorrow but no...she forgot about an appointment she made, and my day is screwed because i turned down offers to do stuff so i could take her out. and no one in this house can be satisfied. its driving me insane. for the record, i am not a happy person. i know i have said it a thousand times before, but it doesnt really seem to get through to some people. i am not happy-go-lucky. i think about what will happen if... i dont do things on a whim. im not spontaneous. no, i guess im not very good at being a kid, but i am who i made myself, and im proud of most of what ive done so far to get myself to where i am. i work hard enough to keep myself sane. its a whole different effort to attempt happiness. im not willing to make that effort at the moment. moral of the story: deal with it. i will not change for you. what happens will happen if it is meant to be. i will do what needs to be done in due time. one other "negative" thought before i leave, a message: keep your puppets away from me. i want nothing to do with any of them. i will do what i feel i need to do, now. i will not take others into mind when it comes to this. i may not be able to cut your strings of steal, but i have heard that dry wood burns beautifully. laur