More pain... Yet I still continue to live, to endure. I joined the army to make something out of myself, not have it repeatedly tell me what kind of shitbag I am. The army is like a mirror, that allows you to see what you are truely made of inside, and I hate what it has shown me. But what really makes it truely painful is that I see no way to change what I see. I used to think that I was special, but since joining the army I find myself thinking that the only way I'm special is in the same terms as the special olympics. *here comes the short bus to take me to school today. Luckily my mom pinned my gloves to my shirt so I won't lose them.* I formally apologize to everyone that I ever thought deserved my love. The fact that I dragged you down to the same level that I'm at just almost sickens me... What the f*** am I saying here...? What have I been saying all this time? I think I just took a majorly wrong turn in my life, I'm fighting against the current of fate that has drown so many in her icy clutches and it seems as though I may be losing now as well. I think I may have just remembered happiness just by venting my own stupid self pity... It's amazing what writing your thoughts down can do for you. We'll see how things work out... And I appologize for making you sit through my bitching. Hopefully tomorrow, or maybe even later tonight, will bring a slightly sunnier entry. Goodbye, I'm off to rediscover my happiness. Wish me luck.