Its weird to think that as someone was dying, another was learning to live. That as my papa was lowered into the ground, Amanda's baby was just at 3 weeks old. I know its really weird but exciting. My cousin Amanda and her Husband Shane are going to have a baby!!!! She's six weeks right now but that doesn't matter because it is so freaking cool!!!!!oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO I played Mafia last night for HOURS

so I'm leaving for Ohio tomorrow morning for my papaw's funeral. hes buried, like, right next to my dad...

So yesterday was totally weird I went to school got to 5th bla bla went to lunch. Thats where the "fun" started. Here is a detailed account of what "fun" involver: -Sitting down to lunch to eat my ice cream. -Having Sam point out to me that all the doors were closing. -Freaking out cause I had to pee like a mofo -Hearing rumors that there was a "spill" -Hearing rumors that it was a chemical spill -Hearing rumors that it was a mercury spill -hearing rumors that we were in level 1 lockdown -having to pee freakin bad -realizing lunch ends at 1:15 and the time was 1:45 -wondering if we get to miss all of 6th -realizing we were going to miss all of 6th... and 7th -HAVING THEM TELL US WE MIGHT BE THERE UNTIL 6 OR 7! -Played Hangman with Mandy till we ran out of paper (didn't prepare to be locked in the lunchroom for 4 hours, stupid me) -Played "A my name is Ashley my husbands name is arnold we live in Alabama and we sell apples" 50 thousand times -Played "I'm going to Italy and bringing ..." 500 times -tried to use my cell phone, it didn't work -tried to use maddies cell phone, it didnt work -tried to use Sam's cell phone, it didnt work... etc -no ones cell phones were working -Were told we would be dismissed table by table then checked for Mercury -My table started making silly faces at Mr. Dyk untill he picked us (score) -by then its 4:30 and we are supposed to get out of school by 3:10 -we stand in line for 15 minutes waiting to be checked -checked, mercury free is the way to be -have to go to the restrooms behing the stadium(eww) -sit in the stadium till 5:13 - at 5:13 they announce people with rides home can leave -I couldn't find my brother so I ask mandy for a ride -I steal maddies phone and keep pressing call until I get my mom and tell her I'm going to Mandy's -at 5:30 we get to Mandy's -hang out whoo hoo I go home at 8 and find out there are still kids locked in the school. g wing poor little kids -at 10, on the news they tell us no school today. -so I just woke up and I don't have to go to school muthaf*****!!!!!!!

So hello got my wisdom teeth out last week. theres no school tomorrow I ahve holes in the back of my mouth Bobby is in love with me Mandy has band meghn has school books rock music rocks i'm missing everafter and have you noticed that as i type i stop using capital letters? is that weird? do i need to relearn the caps button? woohoo long weekend with tons of home work i dont look forward to this

can everybody please shut the fuck up? i'm sick of this

Am I forgotten? Do you remember that one time with the blackberries or was I even there? Why am I the only one to hear me?

sooo soo long I need to write this somewhere though. I went on this church trip to South Padre Island, Texas and now everythings different. One I met this guy named Davis who i thought I liked but was an asshole when I was upset so I don't like him anymore (the story is bigger and more complicated but its weird to think about it) My oldest brother James got diagnosed with Chronic Leukimia (which is way better then acute Leukimia, hes going to live) and from the day I got back I spent practically all my time with Meghan and Mandy and at the hospital. and I only cried once. I feel different now, freshman orientation is on August first and I'm in group G in the R wing. But things are different in another way. Meghan says I'm a cynic and Mandy says I'm a realist and its all on love and relationships. But all I think is that at least I have standards, god. I want someone extraordinary and to hell with everybody else. and of course everyone has views on that too. all that jazz about a perfect guy would get boring and lalala. Did I day he needed to be perfect??????? I don't some piece of shit guy whose imperfections will start showing as soon as the fun-new-boyfriend phase is over. I need someone whose flaws are right on surface from beginning to end. so shut up davis. mr. perfect. your flaws are unfixable. -------*-*-------- glad I said that :) Zac rocks my freaking socks

I'm pissed off right now. It involves my brother but other things too.

And so its offcial... if you cried today at school... you are a big loser. Because why would you cry... I mean, none of our teachers are moving (except Miss Reed... but who cares about her?) and its not like we wont see all those bitches again.... plus CMS sucks really bad... But anyway, I looked okay for graduation and yet again they forgot my middle name(my other middle name... they used Elizabeth but its Kate Elizabeth and Julia Elizabeth JUST DOESNT SOUND RIGHT!) so after the whole dumb ceremony, during which I was seated in alphabetical order... so I had a rebel flag baring red neck on my left and Mr. Gropey on my right (Mr. Gropey is actually this really weird boy with scoliosis who always tries to grab people...) so I was somewhat miserable, but when they called my name I walked up and shook Miss Reed's hand and then Mrs. Whitesides and then walked right back to my seat... and I didn't feel any big change I mean, all I was thinking was "Geeze, why did Austins mom take a picture of me, I've been quite hateful towards her sun since 5th grade" But after all that hype, I went and got my report card (all a's and b's amazingly) escaped Miss Reed before she demanded I hug her and found my old 7th grade teachers, Mrs. T and Mrs. H... I hugged them of course, they are the best. so tomorrow I start babysitting Logan (ick) but I think I'll manage, I mean hey at least I have a job.

So Andrew had Jeff over on Saturday, he's so freaking hot... Very Fn, he and Ryan B. ate dinner with us and Andrew and Ryan went to buy coal so Jeff and I were all alone *sigh* not that anything happened, I metnioned that I was dying in the game I was playing and he told me he'd help... so he did and he beat the game. But whatever, he sat next to me right. I read this totally awesome book about this girl and her first season in London...yea it was pretty good. Come Fly with me lets fly, let's fly away if you can use some exotic booze there's a bar in far bombay...

I am so thinking about sex right now. I mean, can you actually tell people that? Its so dumb, all the girls I know pretend not to think about it at all but thats so freaking dumb, from the trauma of the sex ed pictures to the horrindous movies about birth control, you would think they wouldn't be so embarresed to admit it. I mean, I'm not about to go out there and jump the first guy and be all "hey baby lets bang" I'm into the whole true love waits dealie, but I think girls who are into sex and all kinds of kinky things need to admit it instead of getting mad when other kids talk about them (cough brit k) hmmmmmm anyway I GO BACK TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY!!!! woohoo, and I am soooo excited

Man I am so freaking awesome, my brother rented the game Jade Empire for xbox and I have already freaking beat it. poor Andrew, his own sister whooped him at the thing he does best (that would be gaming) but what did he expect? I have mono. So I am really really hoping I get to go to Kentucky Kingdom on next thursday with the eighth grade, but it depends on my make up work. so thats some of the big fun exciting stuff happening over here, I think I'm going to go take another bubble bath (that would be my 2nd today) its really all I have to do here alone at home. Oh yeah, we have a baby bunny ou front with no family but it is so freaking cute... anyway out back we have a snake. I saw it today when I was getting the garbage cans, I just looked over and it had its head up and I screamed bloody murder, dropped the trash cans, and took off running into my garage... where I cut my foot on a piece of somebodies(andrew) broken ale 8 bottle. Bunnies rule. snakes need to die really bad.

Haha, the wacky dreams I've been having have finnally paid off! I had a dream where, for some unknown reason, Andrew derek and I were all flying to PA but derek and I got drunk and made out. I cannot wait tot tell him about this

I am so bored that I have actually started having an Audrey Hepburn phase. I've watched My fair Lady, breakfast at Tiffanys, Roman Holiday, Charades, and how to steal a million. Also I'm listening to Frank sinatra alot. Mono is seriously screwing with my mind lol. also, I have weird dreams nwo, like last night I had a dream that I was in a circus riding elephants... Dissapointing news, I have gotten worse, I wont be going back to school for quite a bit now. I also have bad mornings, its like a panic attack as soon as I wake up, my dr says its cause I'm used to being at school... but its actually because I get freaked out when I'm home alone in the earlies. woohoo Its an absolute bore darling.

so woohoo, I think I might marry a cowboy. I mean, thats all there is here. A bunch of short, John Deere obsessed, rebel flag wearing, tractor driving, horse riding, tobacco growing, red neck ass holes. rayr. Oh and then theres pregnant ashley... stupid hoe.

Ok, you know in movies and crap where people get hurt and they are all "My spleeen..." yea, well I could d that right now and if somebody made fu of me, I would have full rights to kick their ass. My spleen hurts. My whole body hurts. So my docter had me come in so he could make sure my spleenw asnt ruptured, and he took his thumbs and pushed so freaking hard, I thought I was gonna barf it hurt so bad. He is so uncaring, except for when he thinks you have an eating disorder, then hes all "You are gonna be a swan" and that crap. Then he laughed at me and talked about the time I got a concussion from running into a flag pole... hes a big old grumpy man. So now I am not only PMSing like a mofo but I also have spleen pain... rayr I'm not in a good mood.

I feel very silly (maybe cause I'm walking around with no pants on) wait, now I need to explain that. I woke up this morning with my pants off, so I got up and brushed my teeth, and I cant find my pants so I'm too weak to find a new pair (I'm not too weak, more like too lazy) so anyway, my panties match my shirt! yes! anyway, I think kill bill is a creepy movie. and I should know since, as of Wednesday I have watched *Dodgeball *Anchorman *Return to me *Uptown Girls *The Princess Bride *About a boy *Two weeks notice *Brave new girl *Napoleon Dynamire *Kill Bill so I know. yes I know anyway, I was sitting alone this morning and I got Charlie on my mind. CHAAAAAAARLIE WHERE DID YOU GO? Remember Meghan? when we had the camp out and you and I got lost in the maze and we were all screaming stuff about how Charlie was dead,. and then those girls wouldnt shut up so we made a plan to tp the tents...which we never did. May I ask why Zach is so insane? He lets us go to sleep at 3 am and makes everybody go home at 6am. its a crazy thing. Oh yeah, and then we had the igwets lock in... we fell asleep in the loft on those stupid mat things... You've got another think coming.

I feel veryyyyy tired. like, two entrys ago I said why I thought I was tired, and those are proably all part of the reason, but I think the main reason I'm tired is because I have MONO. Yeah, I was so tired this morning that I didn't want to go to school, but mom said that if I was that tired I had to go to the docters. So I did, and they took blood to see if I had mono and yea, well, I do. So now they put me on homebound for 2 - 3 weeks and I have a teacher coming in everyday to do testing with me. fun

And I will put myself under the knife one last time. I am sick of finding myself there again. Its always the same and it always will be. and I dont have to let it happen. but I cant stop. and I cant eat. and my docter suspects something. and I'm going under. and its so damn screwed darlings, that I cant even control the things I do