i am listening to pink floyd and somehow reconciling in my head memories of freshman year. i miss it. because freshman year to me...is exhilerating. it gives me a feeling of new. myself, my life is being reconstructed and everything is so, so good. amazing, even. and i dont have that feeling anymore. because all the new, is old. what i truly miss...is that feeling of momentum and extreme serenity when something wonderful is in the making. its invigorating. what started this whole mess....was remembering the boy who used to walk around the school when i was a freshman and wear a pink floyd shirt. i miss being just beginning... i dont like being old and used to. but he was a senior. and i miss the juniors and seniors who went to school with me....i feel like every grade that graduates i get more and more alone. my high school experience..involves everyone that was there with me my freshman year. now i just want to move on...it won't come back. i've given up on that. but i want that feeling back...and i need to graduate and do new things and start that amazingness back up again. you are buttermilk. craisins and rasberries are god. and i am infiltrated. but what does that mean? what? que?