i love him so much.... it seems that i couldn't leave him even if he did hurt me... i try to seem so egotistical and strong but deep down i know im not. i called him today and instead of telling him how i felt really,i told him i wasn't angry and i wasn't tripping out.. had a normal conversation and acted like everything was perfectly ok and i wasn't hurt in any way... maybe im just a jealous girlfriend i have no idea,but i do know that my boyfriend should not be getting late night phone calls from a girl that i told him i really felt uncomfortable about... not only that but SHE was flirting with him only... yea right. i should have always stuck to my guns and known from my intuition that it was a lie. i wanted to believe him so i wouldn't feel hurt but now i just feel like even more shit now that its hit me... "Melissa i miss you too... especially how we used to talk on the phone all night... ahhh those were the good ol'daze." I KNEW IT FROM THE DAY I EVEN HEARD ABOUT HER AND DISCUSSED IT WITH HIM. i feel cheated,connived, and most of all i feel like all i really have right now is myself... i think i avoided the subject of Melissa because everytime i ever brought something up about a girl,my boyfriend would get all defensive and irritated.... he says he wants to marry me and spend his life with me....and i know that people make mistakes. but if people deny their mistakes and lie about it?? what are you supposed to do about it.... i guess im gonna have to wait until i talk to him about it.... because i can say that everybody is not honest to some degree and i can see why....usually the fear of being left. do you see what i do to defend him>? i gave my heart and soul and what do i get in return....his love or maybe no love. im such a positive person usually but it seems to me that everytime i begin having a positive attitude,something goes horribly wrong and i realize a bitter truth that didn't want to be seen. i hate regret.i hate the stupidity i carry at times.