not much has changed. She is sleeping around again. she is with some guy named terry who is so close to her i can hear him breathing through the phone. god i hate this. sitting here knowing exactly what is happening. and i know tomorrow she will lie right to my face and tell me nothing happened. its funny kinda this time cuz i know its happening and he is married. she is such a whore. I cant believe i let myself fall for her charade. this is my pathetic excuse for being alive. will someone else please come and rescue me from this cuz i cant escape on my own. i;ve tried. she just drags me back in kicking and screaming. i try you know. I really do. I try to find someone else. I have many times. more times than i can count. its just maybe no one is attracted to me. maybe im not the kind of guy you bring home to your parents. maybe im destined to be alone. or maybe not maybe i have to many dreams of living a normal life with one person. maybe im too young. but i look at my friends and my ex/s and they all look happy. and honestly it makes me sick. i see everyone running around being happy with the one that loves them for them. and it makes me mad. but not just mad jealous. oh the jealousy that overwhelms me. i think i am going mad. honestly this is worse than the time i tried to commit suicide. i know now that i am meant to be alive but for what purpose. to make others feel superior? no no no that isnt a purpose. i know what im good at. im good at making people laugh. and not just laugh but laugh at me. and i can make a girl feel special. i make women blush and get people to laugh at me. someone told me i had a pretty face. thats gotta be worth something. but what do i do with it? forget the rest of them. just look at me. just accept me for me. just know that this is me.

I just want to sit down and cry. I wish i had the courage to just slide that knife into my skin and show all those bitches how i really am feeling. dont tell me you love me. dont tell me you know how i feel. dont tell me you understand. cuz you dont know me. You dont know shit! Fuck you! I am on this downward slide to the fucked up part of the world that you hear about in grade school so the teachers can scare you away from ending up like people like me. Well fuck everyone. Nothing is working for me. Perhaps other psychos have some advice for me. I cant sleep at all. I smoke cigarettes, pot and drink as often as possible. I plug sleeping pills. I like experimenting with assorted meds i find around the house. the only thing that is straight is work. but even that is shit. Im gonna kick sawyers ass in a day or two if he keeps talking to me. fuck me

No one should ever be my friend. When people get close to me, I always rip them into thousands of pieces. So please don't be my friend. I am selfish. And I dont deserve anyone to be close to me.

you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt...

Whooo! I get to paint the youth room over break yes! I am excited whooo! Party time However much to my dismay I have to spend time with my sister and her boyfriend Well he isn't bad but her Man I can't stand her Merry Christmas

I forgot what I was going to write About so I will just hit enter untill I remember oh I was going towrite about how crappy the project I should be working on is. we have to make a 9 page cataloge and it is crap I am doing mine on Franklin Covey because we dont have anyohter ones at my house I am so bored Whawatkodslhgnlksah

I meant that I was losing weight Stupid Genuis Geez people these days I'll tell you Some days

I feel so fat right now it isn't even cool. I happen to be 180 pds right now. Oh yeah I broke it huh huh. whoooooo

[Marital Status] Single [Shoe size] 12-13 [Parents still together] yes [Siblings] Four [Pets] Two poopies and a kittie FAVORITES [Color] Brown [Number] 2.6263 [Animal] the great Squirrel [Drinks] Unmade Koolaid with Sweetener/coffee [Soda] Dew or Rc Cola [Book] Da Vinci Code [Flower] The ones that dont die DO YOU [Color your hair?] When my sisters tie me down [Twirl your hair?] yeah [Have tattoos?] The rub offs [Have Piercings?] No [Cheat on tests/homework?] yes Hahahaha who hasn't [DRINK/SMOKE?] I drank once or twice. [Like roller coasters?] Scared of heights [Wish you could live somewhere else?] Yes Underwater [Want more piercings?] Maybe [Like cleaning?] I clean all summer so during school I hate it [Write in cursive or print?] both, but my cursive is shit [Own a web cam?] No [Know how to drive?] Yeah [Own a cell phone?] yes [Ever get off the damn computer?] When they unglue my fingers HAVE U EVER [Been in a fist fight?] All the time [Considered a life of crime?] All of the time [Considered being a hooker?] Jeff Bigolo the Male Gigolo [Lied to someone?] Yes [Been in love?] Thought I was [Made out with JUST a friend?] no [Been in lust?] hasn't everyone? [Used someone] yes [Been used?] Yes [Been cheated on?] Yes [Kicked someone in the nuts?] yes [Stolen anything?] yes I won't say here [Held a gun] yes, and shot it CURRENTS [Current clothing] Pumpkin shirt and Jeans [Current mood] Excited and happy(kind of) Snow day [Current taste] Nachoes and Pepsi [What you currently smell like] Dirty clothes(I found my pants on the floor... Again) [Current hair] Ummm... Lets say NOT GOOD!!! [Current thing I ought to be doing] homework [Current cd in stereo] Staind [Last book you read] Speak [Last movie you saw] Death Becomes Her [Last thing you ate] Nachoes [Last person you talked to on the phone] Jon [Work out every day?] Hahahahahahaha I almost died laughing [Believe there is life on other planets?] Tinfoil hats are handy when woarding of aliens Remember your first love?] Yes [Still love him/her?] ----- [Read the newspaper?] Sudoku rules [Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Yeah [Believe in miracles?] yes [Wear hats] Yes comfy [Hate yourself?] at times [Have an obsession?] Yes [Collect anything?] Shiny objects [Have a best friend?] yes [Close friends?] tons [Like your handwriting?] no [Care about looks] no LOVE LIFE [First crush] First grade I got "married" [First kiss] --- [Do you believe in love at first sight?] I did [Do you believe in "the one?"] No [Are you a tease?] NO [Too shy to make the first move?] Yeah outgoing on the inside/shy on the inside ARE U A [Daydreamer] yeah [Bitch/Asshole] Fuck you [sarcastic] When aren't I? [Angel] Only if you want me to be [Devil] Hahahaha no [Shy] When with strangers [Talkative] yes

Eggs-The Perfect food- except for the part of coming out of the animals Ass.

You in your shell are you waiting for someone to rescue you from yourself. Don't be disappointed when no one comes. Don't blame me you didn't get it I already told you, that falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem If you don't believe that you can find a way out you become the problem, become the problem. Don't blame me you didn't get it You, all alone, are you waiting for someone to make you whole? Can't you see aren't you tired of this dysfunctional routine. I already told you, that falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem If don't you believe that you can find a way out you you solve the problem, solve the problem. Falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem, becomes the problem And if you believe you can find a way out Then you've solved the problem, you've solved your problem.

Right now, I am in Computer Apps. and I am working on Mario's stupid Sudoku. This thing is so hard, And it is driving me crazy. Grr. I can't stop working on it I have been working on it since breakfast Dammit Mario you shouldn't have given me this thing.

I feel like a brick has been lifted off my chest. hmmm... I like feeling relief My hands are finally warm again and I think I will call somebody

Are you ugly? A liar like me? A user, a lost soul? Someone you don’t know Money it’s no cure A Sickness so pure Are you like me? Are you ugly? We are dirt, we are alone You know we're far from sober! We are fake, we are afraid You know it’s far from over We are dirt we are alone You know we're far from sober! Look closer, are you like me? Are you ugly? Turn a blind eye Why do I deny? Medicate me So I die Happy A strain of cancer Chokes the answers Are you like me? A liar like me? I don’t care, you don’t care I’m bitter, you’re angry. You don’t care, I don’t care You love you, just like me I blame you, you blame me I’m bitter, you’re angry. You don’t care, I don’t care You love you, like me Are you Ugly?

The following song takes almost five minutes and those are the only words in it... Im tired of your open mouth, Crawling inside my skin, Endless pain we never quit, The fight within that prides begun, Saying its too late, What a man's got he'll learn to hate. Forget the time I said I would, Replace that with I never will, Beyond the facts held in your face, Ignore the facts beyond your nose, Saying it's too late, What a man's got he'll learn to hate. Grow up Now without meaning, No response, no revealing... Just grow up! Wrong... Wrong... Wrong... Wrong...

Goddamn website I had written this super long entry. Then the goddamn thing boots me off and says that I have logged out and doesn't save my entry. That fucking thing took me an hour to write. Fucking A I will kill who ever did that to this place

Yes I have come to the conclusion that people have stopped reading my diary/ Yes so now I shall write stuff hahahaahahahaha AND YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO STOP ME!!! EXCEPT OF COURSE, BREAKING MY FINGERS IS ONE OF YOUR OPTIONS THEN I GUESS YOU COULD...

1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special&unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

Why laugh at me when I slip and fall, when you can just laugh when I crap in my pants. Why laugh at me when I crap my pants, when you could just laugh when I run home crying. Why laugh at me when I cry when you could just laugh at me when I slit my wrists. Why laugh at me when I slit my wrists when you could just laugh when I come back to school. You should laugh at me when I come back, for it will remind me why I was going to kill you.

Yes... Yesterday was so cool, me and mario and eric are in the same lunch and yesterday we made snow angels outside by the windows... It was pretty sweet. Then I made $50 at cashwise doing the nativity scene thingy. But I had to do it with Joey and that was a bad thing. I also had to do it with Maeve and Ally. And to top it off. They had this huge special were they handed out all of these samples and mmmm... They were good. I also had conferences too.. That was interesting because when my dad came home, My gosh I heard about that... I thought we weren't going to let this happen anymore? What is wrong? You know you can do better than this right? ~Yeah~ Then what is wrong? How come you are doing so bad? ~It is hard~ Well sometimes you just have to deal with it! ~but its not fun~ You are supposed to be learning it isn't about having fun! Now go to the kitchen and do your homework! ~okay~ +So I go and start working with my headphones on. Then My mom comes in+ Get those off you are supposed to be working on your homework. ~I am~ Well, take those off! ~It helps me concentrate~ Take them off! =End of discussion= Then I think britknee tried to call me but since I was pissed I went to bed at nine o' clock. End of the day!