she has the body i want.. it's just going to take me a little longer to get there...
i am crying and drinking.
i tried so hard not to think about it.
i am trying so hard not to deal with/think about the things going on in my life right now. i seem to be doing a pretty good job. there have been only a few moments where i have actually let them cross my mind.
i fight back the tears.. and move on.
fuck. change can be so powerful. i don't deal with it well. i've been moved around so many fucking times that i begin to hate change. things seem to take me way too long to get over.
there is a For Rent sign on my house now. it went up yesterday. that was weird. i can't believe its really happening. it's official.. that sign proves it.
now everyone knows. it's as if that sign just opened up our lives for everyone to see. it might as well read "Our dad moved out and now we are poor and have to move."
well atleast our new house isnt a piece of shit with paint chipping off of it.. surrounded by houses that look like skyscrapers compared to ours... oh wait.. nevermind... that is my new house. ha.
i am looking forward to living near people that don't let their children walk to Von's [the grocery store where everyone shops]... because it's "where poor people shop." my new neighbor across the street said that one.
..but my family needs to do this. it's for the better.
tomorrow is our 10 month anniversary.
no one can ever make me as happy as he has made me in these past 10 months. he is seriously amazing and i couldn't have asked for anyone better than him. i found my mr. perfect.
i am so fucking lucky.
i look forward to spending the rest of my life with him.
<3
i've lost 13 pounds since September.
i am so proud of myself.
i wanted to lose weight and i finally did it.
just a few more pounds to go.
:-)
He makes me soo fucking happy!
My boyfriend is fucking hottt!
today is the one year anniversary of the last time i cut myself.
wow.
i haven't been this proud of myself in a long time.
i never thought i could do it.
fuckk.
a whole year.
go me.
i guess i am stronger than i thought.
:-)
i leave for Portland on Wednesday!!!
3 more days!!!
ahh i need to start packing!
i am so excited!
things have been really great for me.
i have been hanging out with people like every day.
ahh
i'm just so fucking happy.
:-)
things just keep getting better and better.
::sigh::
happy.happy.happy.
Britian and I are absolutely perfect. We are meant to be together forever.
... the other night proved it.
i am so fucking happy.
i hope this feeling never goes away!
Happy 8 Months, Britian.
I love you!!!
today is going to be a fucking great day.
::sigh::
venting makes me feel soo much better
:-)
me & my mom just went and looked at a house...
[in case you all didn't know already.. my dad moved out..& we can't really afford the house we are in now]
& the house we just looked at is so fucking awesome.
it's over off Ralston [which is by Victoria]
& it is sooo fucking cute!
omg.
i love it!
i really, really want it.
it is like perfect.
& i would get to live in the garage.. which is HUGE!!
omg things would be so much better for my family if we lived there.
please cross your fingers/hope/pray that we get this house.
i would be soo fucking happy if we got to live there.
seriously.
omg i hope we get it!!!!
just...
SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP!
mkay thanks.
i can't take the drama. not now.
"i just want to go home so i can eat"
"i'm soo hungry"
just shut.the.fuck.up.
leave then.
bye.
as if this isn't hard enough for me to deal with.. my "best friend" feels guilty eating at my house.
i didn't want this to be weirder than it had to be.
i am already going to not invite people over when i move into that smaller house.. but to know that my best friend doesn't even want to eat at my house.. and makes comments like she wants to leave.. makes me feel like dying.
keep your fucking comments to yourself. if you decide you don't want to eat at my house..fine. you don't have to sit there and tell me how starving you are then. go fucking eat something. stop making it a big dramatic thing. fuck.
i haven't wanted to cut this bad in a long time. i don't know any other way to deal with things. it's fucking pathetic.
why do i always have to be the strong one?
while i was on vacation we went back to the house i grew up in. it looks so different now. they redid one of the houses completely. it looks amazing. the house just sold for 1.2 million. wow.
i would give anything to live there again.
"The Farm"
[and no i didn't have horses and cows and shit like that]
[Full View]
_____________________________________
[The "Barn"]
[this is where my mom, dad, little sisters, and i lived]
_____________________________________
[The "Tall" House]
[my older sister lived on the top floor of this one]
_____________________________________
[The Farmhouse]
[this is the house the new owners redid]
_____________________________________
[The Pool House]
[we used this for storage]
_____________________________________
[The Pond]