when did i decide it was all too much? I dont know where it was, or even when, but i woke one morning, went into a kitchen with fourescent lights, went through the shelves getting everything i needed for a bowl of cereal. i put the spoon in the bowl first, as i usually do, and poured in the milk, took it outside somewhere to eat it, sat drinking milk by the spoonful for a while before i realised i hadn't put cereal in my bowl, then i thought: no that would just be stupid, perhaps time is getting to my head and i left it there for ages and my cornflakes went all soggy and disintegrated. but no. i hadn't put any cornflakes in the bowl at all. yes, that's my exciting story. and now for something completely new: (and i probably shouldn"t type this in a public domain, but meh.) Rachel, yes, dearest rachel, stable as a mental rock. is going to make [herself] a fucking fabulous coma cocktail and go and play with sharp things. end quote. why? what is it with me and the suicidal teen chicks? for the first time i'm not actually doubting she will. uhg. why can't. why can't i just go back to being miserabley lithe, not really knowing what's ahppening around me, but going with the flow anyway, not worrying about money, not really worrying about anything. i will keep looking and tell you if i come up with any answers. always, dearest -R0b 0927|131204