reacteeonee California's Secession letter to Bush: Dear President Bush: Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you.California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio. We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.)But God is letting you have the KKK and country music(except the Dixie Chicks). Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home. So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands,though. She IS from the south, right?) Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV,Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining(Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.) We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon. Sincerely, California ______________________________________ Dear Seceding Californians Thank you. I take those congratulations as sincere, since this was a sincere win. However, I would hope you reconsider leaving the Union. History has shown us that that may not be the best option to persue. I have doubts about whether your true blue states will follow suit either. New York, just one of those north east states, has quite a large red following, just to name an example. I hardly believe the Republican stronghold of Nassau County will let their families leave without a fight. God, however you envision this divine power, he or she, human or spirit, seems to convey a prevailing message of unity, no matter which divinely inspired scriptures you read: the Torah, Qur’an, Gospels, Confucian teachings, etc. However, if God has so inspired in your soul, this movement, so be it. Remember, also, that music is a free moving wave, not a heavy mass belonging to one soul. Hatred, as well as love, cannot be contained by boundaries. Yes, you may keep your liberal media stations, but you cannot interfere with satellites. I also have the good Conan O’Brien on dvd, I’m set. And I thank you seven times seven times over for letting me keep Crossfire, but that means I keep your beloved Paul Begala. I wish you luck in your utopian, peace-seeking, but never forget to protect individual rights you hold so dear. All extreme visions lead to interference of personal rights. I’m sorry you felt like pawns in a useless war, but we hope you come to terms with reality. Peace shall be expanded to more than ever before. We hope you join in this. Seriously. Soon. Sincerely New York, your liberal friend