How are u suppose to believe in sumone when they say they love u when they hurt you so much! If a guy says he loves u, they sud atleast mean it.. here i thought everything was going alrite for a change jus to read sumthin that brake my heart! It hurts so bad becuz i dont understand why he wud write that, and if he did he must have meant it. I'm jus tired of being lied to it hurts jus seeing emails and stuff that his ex g/f sent him and pictures n shitt he still has of her... u think he wud try to get rid of them for my sake, but sumtime i think my feelins not matter to him. Im afraid that he'll be thinkin bout her b4 he goes to sleep or wen he's wit me, i feel like im only second best to him. I only hope if he really does love me he will understand and try to make shure tha harmful things go away... nways goodnite xox

He means so much to me and i feel like he isn't aware of it but im tired of telling him how much he means to me and just getting rejected in the end. when i look back and see the things he wrote about me it makes me happy but at the same time sad because he just doesn't wanna be wit me, i guess you could say we kinda switched postions and now im the one that would do anythin to be with him but he won't he give me a chance. I wanna be civil and try to talk this out with him hoping it might make a difference but he just doesn't have the time to sit wit me and talk. If only he knew i need him and that im much better with him than without, just maybe things could work out. I'm tired of being scared and running away from the people that mean the most to me, that why im afraid to give up on him. To the one i treasue i love you so much:( i hope u can find it in your heart to give me another chance.

4 more dayz and skools out!!! omg i cant believe it the year went by soooo fast especailly the past couple of months.... not like i miss the snow or anythin.. lol well summer hott weather is up ahead i cant wait to get a tan!!! Yesterdai i went to a funderaiser for my friends step brother tyler...we did face paintin woot woot maybe i sudnt become a face painter, like i didnt horribly suck at it but it was close lol..bright side of thing is that i face painted a lot of things of me...we also got to go in a fire truck wit 2 sexy fire cadets!!! man were they hott!!!! L8er on my friend sammie and i went to a pizza place to bother her friend and we ended up only sayi a couple of words too him but it like the best day cuz we kept seein hott guyz everywhere!!! like we had amazin luck..tooo bad i wasnt head over heels for sum1 else:( newayz for the rest of the time we watched movies! it was awesome , that all....buhbye(L)

I really havent been this happy in the longest time... which isnt really the best cuz im one of those gurls that loves to be hyper and have fun at everythin.... im not too shure why that im depressed but i have gone through a lot in the past couple of months, me and my boyfriend that i loved broke up and yah i admit it was my fault, but i no we had sumthin great thats prolly why im tryin so hard to be his friend , cuz hes truly an amazin guy if he believes it or not and he doesnt need drugs to be happy. I guess im kinda scared that one of these days when i really need him to be here for me hes goin to turn me down and dependin whut i got myself into i wouldnt really no who else to turn to , cuz im pretty shure hes knows me better than anyone else even thought i didnt really go out wit him for that long. We anyways i guess i gotta have sum faith in him. l8er(K)

Last Nite was so awesome Green Day was amazing that was the best concert i ever went to!!! I went wit my buddy sam and we saw mel and jen there and hung out for a bit and bought sum t-shirts ...sorry guyz that i didnt wear it today:P lol I love the fire it was so frikin intense you could feel it from far away! Sam and i totally freaked out and were screamin so loud all nite and i didnt help that i was already sick and loosing my voice but its alrite it was so worth the screamin even though i lost it for a bit. OMG WE LOVE YOU GREEN DAY!!!!eh Sammie!!!

Omg tonite was so fun where did the time go? lmao well Mel and I were walkin throught winsor park and wit the luck ive been havin lately of coarse we run into my ex like 3 times the worse part is i was wearin a super short skirt!!!! serves him rite lmao well when we were walking we got whistled and and woooed at awesome times..We also had a krazy buddy nathan who was acting liek a physco o well those were one of the best nights i had in a long time. Can't wait till 2maro Green Day woot hoo!!!!!

Nothing is never what it seems you have to give it time.... Today in math class mel and i were completly bored after finished doin out works so we decided to write some poems and yah this is one of them i wrote.... She sits in school so confused, what did she do to make him not love her? Never feelin happy she puts on an act, her fake smiles and laughs go a long way. Does anyone notice that she isnt the same anymore? that everythin that once made her happy no longer exsists. He was the one, the guy that brought the smiles to her face, made her feel beautiful all the time and never once stopped telling her how much he loved her, he was the one that when she was in his arms all the problems in the world seemed to fade away. That guy held her heart in the palm of his hands, of coarse he didn't realize it, he said he would always love her no matter what, but he gave up on that gurl which turned her whole life upside down. Even if she wanted to hate him , she couldn't, her love for him grew stronger, her tears for him would never seem to come to an end. She was afraid what she might to do herself, she is no longer the girl she knew. Happiness was replaced with depression and awful thoughts, smokin,drugs,alcohol and slitting wrists were some of the answers she came up with. She believed pain could end heart brake.Now she cries red tears each night when she starts to think about that special boy and what they once had....was he truly her soul mate?