So it was a day like any other day.... except, for some strange reason, instead of a house he wanted to go to the park, where he and I originally started to get to know eachother, and become really goood friends. I thought it would be so beautiful, and romantic, and that he was going to give my birthday present to me or something corny like that..but the tables turned. I remember every little memory, and detail of what ever happened between us. So I was SO excited to see him obviously..but when I got there, he looked uset..He said he felt sick, so I believed that was the reason. As we get there it was all slow pace, and little moving.. Then we got face to face...and he began to tell me he loved me, with more of a sad look on his face over and over, until he couldnt look at me anymore. That when I figured it out. I thought it was happening with all the little hints, but i didnt think it would ACTUCALLY happen. thats when he used the words "we should break up" I could have died, i felt sick to my stomach. I feel sick just writing this, and recapping the memories. My mom tried helping...I know she means well, but it wasn't helping. He says he still loves me, and that it is because we were getting "distant" and that he didnt want to wait a couple of days, weeks, or months, because it would have just made everything that much harder.. but it is hard.. i feel like dieing is the golden ticket to how I feel. Im sorry, but i prolly didn't give word foor word actions...but im really dizzy...and I just want to try to go to sleep.

So lately things have been busy like a Mofo. I have been Stressing like CRAZY over exams, which I never used to, so I dont know why I am starting now. I got beef With Alex. but thats no biggie, because he'll be over it in a day. The little Skanky Hoe's think their soooo tough. LIke wtf? Im saying stit all, and they want to pass that kinda shit? Wtf are they going to do to me.. frickin titty slap me? My oober awesome Bf, is turning 18 in 5 days, and im scared our relationship will change. Grad is In ONE WEEK. I dont know. I really hope Tyler and I still get to see eachother, Im scared that he'll be to busy or something for me...

Ja = Junior Achievement. ..Woot woot. I was SO in that this year. I was VP- Human Resources...Kicked but. I have 2 chances of getting to go to Ottawa, for an all expense trip paid.THEN my mom would buy another ticket for us to go to Montreal, so I could see my cousins. Last night I was called for an interview. That means I did great on my exam. SO I might win VP-HR of the year. the "luckey card" or they might like my essay, and pick me through that. Win or loose, I had a great year. I had to go and buy a dress. SO I mainly got it for Tai's grad, and I'll use that for FUB "Futures Unlimited Banquet."

Today was the funeral, of Mary Sturby. She was really loving, and a great person in general. Andrew and Daniel were there...They flew in from Montreal, and preformed a song that they wrote for her, in her momory. They also had to fly back today.. their plain leaves at 4-5pm. I was doing good about her death, but today hearing about everybody's speach and little memories that they had shared with her was joyful, yet sorrow, because she is no longer here. It was hard for me when I looked into Andrew and Daniel's eyes. You could tell that they were hurting, and you could tell that they were barely hangign on. In the end, Andrew and I had hugged. It felt as if we were hugging for 5 min. I missed him so much..and it hurt me to ahve to say good-bye all over again. I care for him and Daniel so much that it rips me apart when the leave.. God Bless. I hope You're having fun in the Savoirs Arms. I love you, and miss you dearly. ...Good-Bye Grandma Sturby.

For the past month things have been different, they have been together..more then usual; actucally more then ever. yes it hurts, Maybe it is jealousy. But i miss her. It seems that most of the time they'll talk to me when we're alone.. but when we are all together, Im Invisable. They lean over me to talk, make plans infront of me only involving themselves. Maybe other too? but they aren't to sure yet. I'll walk with them, but i'll only trail. I don't get the privilage to walk along their side. Am I not good enough? People say im over reacting. but honestly; I really dont think im not. Im just trying to think..are they going to stay like this for a long time? or are they actign like this because of teh recent situations? Im sorry. To me.. it seems like She has to be above it all. This has happened before, except She didn't break the bond of friendship. but somehow, She came up from behind and got the goal. Is it because She want to be friends with everyone? Does she just have to be better then me? or does She just tend yo do this? Thats whast puzzeling me. I wish She would be herself, and not be everything.

Civil or Evil? If you hated someone, and you gained the power to turn her friends away, would you wasting your breath, and stop tring to get everyone against someone, since you know that she's "alone" Or would you say "Sorry, Everyone likes me now, and no one likes you...so why would I call it even?" Is it not me? but I'd consider that a little too Pathetic. Does she want me to fight back? Should I tell her "DFA" because in my eyes; All she's doing is getting people on her side to make her teh stronger person, with the larger amount of friends. Yet, all shes doing is BSing to there face, just so that they agree with her. But Hay.. I guess they aren't true friends to me; if they believe her story and begin to have sympathy for her. If they dont want to consider the true, or even ask what kinda junk and stress that I am going through, I guess on the outside, I look like a bitch. Only One of my girlfriends believe me, and says that she has my back, no matter what. Even if the whole school is against me; She'll hold me up, and keep me strong. That right there is a bestfriend. Breanna Chekay is a remarkable person. I dont think I have ever seen anyone so down to earth like her. I mean like, We haven't had a fight, and we dont think the same thing on a lot of articles. We have our diffrences, we'll go into detail and listen to eachothers reasoning. But we wont fight. Its remarkable.

Well I have about...less then 4 days until my first exam, and I am scared shitless. I have been trying to study, but itjust wont click for me. I am having a tough time right now with my friends. To me, it seems as if no matter what; im doing something wrong in my eyes. They say they're happy for me..yet they dont like what im doing. I feel as if my best friend is cutting me out of her life.. and replacing me with someone whom used to hangout with her when ever it was good to her advantage. Life is SO messed up right now. They will tell me that I should call, which I do.. I dont have the lateest curfue; so its not like I can stay out late with them.. They never invite me; for the fact I hanging out with him..yet I wont even get the offer..Does this mean I shouldn't hang out with him as much? they don't call..Sometimes when in my room I just cry..because it feels as if they dont even remember who I am..or maybe they lost my number?..could that really be it?..Prolly not..Im just trying to make myself feel better. They will mention whom they dont like, and why...yet I see it with my own eyes that they're acting as if shit all has ever happened..they just go to how it used to be.. I dont understand how they do it..Can you really forget things like that? Or do they just avoid the topic until they have either completely forgotten it or drifted appart. I'll be with our friends in a group..and Its like im not there.. They just talk around me and make plans. Inside I feel.. Ditched..like in there eyes im invisible..I feel as if im failing in the way of life..I dont really think im doing wrong..but when they shun me like that, I feel as if my insides are breaking.. Like today after school... I was standing with pretty much the 2 people I have ever been able to consider a best friend...and it was like they never even knew I was there.. Then I started walking to the bus with tai, and Santa's Boyfriend..and one of my good friends was there; she just kept on walking..no Hi.. no hello... I think I swallowed a big boat there.. I can tell that things aren't the same no more with them.. Its almost as if I am being replaced with someone that was close to me.. maybe its ment to be? I mean like... They both have late curfue's.. I wish someone would tell me what I need to do.. Maybe I need a later curfue.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Jennifer Birthday: 08/27/90 Birthplace: St. B hospital. Current Location:Winnipeg Eye Color: blue Hair Color: brownish red Height: 5'1ish Right Handed or Left Handed: right Your Heritage: Ukranian, Scottish, and something else The Shoes You Wore Today: i didnt wear shoes today yet Your Weakness: My greatest fears Your Fears: Not susceeding Your Perfect Pizza: Meat lovers Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Keep my room clean Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "lol" "haa" Thoughts First Waking Up: Why am I thinking this early? Your Best Physical Feature: haa.. Your Bedtime: whenever.. anywhere after 1 Your Most Missed Memory: everytime i blink Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi MacDonalds or Burger King: the BK Single or Group Dates: Just as long Im with people I love Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea... i guess.. Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla! Cappuccino or Coffee: mmm cappuccino Do you Smoke: no, not really Do you Swear: only when i'm pissed off, annoyed.. or.. yea Do you Sing: all the time Do you Shower Daily: yesh Have you Been in Love: yup Do you want to go to College: not sure Do you want to get Married: yup Do you belive in yourself: Yah Do you get Motion Sickness: sometimes.. Do you think you are Attractive: not really... but i dont think i'm that ugly either Are you a Health Freak: NOPE Do you get along with your Parents: most times Do you like Thunderstorms: HAIL YES! Do you play an Instrument: kinda In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes In the past month have you Smoked: nope In the past month have you been on Drugs: no- not illegal ones In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: almost In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no In the past month have you been on Stage: no In the past month have you been Dumped: nope In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no Ever been Drunk: yes Ever been called a Tease: yes Ever been Beaten up: no Ever Shoplifted: no How do you want to Die: HOwever it happens What do you want to be when you Grow Up: not be the old lady with a gazillion cats What country would you most like to Visit: USA, Europe In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: all of them :D Favourite Hair Color: brown, black, Short or Long Hair: short Height: taller than me =p Weight: doesnt matter Best Clothing Style: Clean clothes

Wow. Best Chirstmas EVER. I woke up at 7:45 and I began to help my mother get our Turkey ready to pop into the oven. Soon after that, we all attacked my dad to get him out of bed to open our presents. I then showered, and freshened up. Tyler came over :D We had then exganged our gifts. I hate how he spent so much on me. He bought me a 120.00 watch, gift certificate, and a stuffed animal (which I love to pieces) and on top of that, he wants us to go dinner and a movie. We spent Such a lovely time together, and before we knew it, his parents were here to come pick him up. This year so far has been great. I have EVERY little good thing in my life and all those HUGE icky people are out. I wish I were to hang out with my friends from t-cona more...the only thing is prolly half them think im some slut. Yet i truely am not. I love him. No one else....except for Breanna :D

Today is my One month Anniversary!! One month ago yesterday, I was a single person..but after teh past month, I have realised so much more. He has made me seen me at my worst, and my best. he has held my hair back while I blew up on the grass from a CRAZY house party, to sweet night time walks home, just to make sure I got home alright. Today, at lunch, I had opened up my locker to discover something new. He had placed a rose inside, with a note that read "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! Woot! We made it! I love you lots! Luv TAI" It made me feel SO special beyond belief! For the whole night, we had spent it together.

Okay last night was Crazy! I was at tai's house..and we were just watching his nephew for a bit, and then like... Some of his buddies show up, and they were saying how that have a cooler of alky in the back of his truck.. So we called up Justine and Em..and told them to get their butts over to tais. We all got into the guys truck, and tai, Me, and mags all sat in the box part of the truck..it was crazy! then we went to some CRAZY FUCKIN PARTY..and then Em, Justine, and tai had to pee..so i had went with them..Em went with Justine, and I kept an eye on Tai ..but i DIDN"T see anything...eww. I stood a FAR WAyys back. Then when we were leaving the party..someone threw a beer bottle, and it hit the ground like RIGHT in front of me..and the glass came at me..and then tai, and someother guy was abuot to fight the kid.. So then we endded up leaving again.. and this REALLy nice guy gave me his jacket so that I wouldn't get cold.. and he had helped me off the truck :) Tai helped, but he was toooo drunk. lol When I got home, my parents didn't even know, because they were watching a mooovie :P

Today is the day that we remember about all of the people who had fought in the war, so that the people today would have land to live on. Most people are just going to take this day as a day of to go party and get drunk, and completely over think what we should be doing. My Dad hed to work on this day, so My mother and Brother had went to a Rememberance Day service to appreciate what the Vetrains had done. My day Last night, It was our first fight.. and it was over trust. He doesn't trust me with the guys, so I had asked him what I would have to do, in order to gain his trust in me back. He says that If I were to spend a month and a half and a week..aka. 50 days. I don't find this is the best deal in the world, but for now, Im doing it. Bre just callled me, and told me how last nights party was crazy.. I heard that Justine made out with Roan. Im happy for Justine, because she really wanted to.. Gosh, im confused with who that girl likes... I'll have to talk to her later on tonight.. Well Im off to shower. later Days.

Well lately everything has been crazy.. but.. crazy good. I still think about you, and wonder how you are doing. I wish we don't have to drift appart like this. I love you as if you were family. I know we will never be the same again, and I know that because the people you are with probably think I am a complete bitch. But I am not. I just got stuck in a bad situation as someone said. When I am alone, and actucally get to think. All of our good time will come into my mind, and it brings a tear to my eye, because of how we were so close and everything.. But when I am with other people, they tell me I should ahve neevr been with you, and to just forget and move on. but I can't. You have always been in my life, and I wont be able to just drop you like that.

Friday Night Friday night was a blast. I was walking to Mikes house with Justine so that we would hang out with Scott and Tai. We first went to.. Bruns.. Some had smoked the joint.. and well Scott was fried. and So.. Him and matt were pretty much playing tag..except Matt had a car, and kept trying to hit scott with it. But as Scott says "I am a warrior, I can't die....I won :)" Then we were just driving around.. and we were all in two vehicles... Tai, Scott, Justine and I in one, Braden and matt in the other. OH man... Tai, Justine, and I had a BLAST..watching scott be crazy. We're thinking about doing it almost every frieday night now.. Just go out with older guys..and have "fun" The Wedding It was so beautiful to see Jen walking in the gorgous dress she had, and then too see Keith all dressed up. The "ring man" and "flower girl" were gorgous. It was Paige and Ryan. They are both 3/4 years old, and to see paige in a dress like that it made me want to cry. After the dinner they had the usual dance. Except I got asked to dace by 3 people!! the first guy was Andrew, and the second was Colin, the 3rd was John. I only had danced with John. HE was the coolest guy in teh world! oh man! I wish I went to parties with the guy! we had danced to "sugar, sugar" I dont think I had any better fun then that this night.

Yesterday, I had Bre, and Tinerz over. We made kick ass chef hats, and had a kick-bum blast! We made some kick-bum cookies, and ate weiners that we had gotten my dad to BBQ!! Afterwards, Justine had to go to basketball practice, and Bre chose to go home... SO I got a special friend to hang out with me at the NEW PLAY STRUCTURE! ..It was beautiful :) I had gotten lots of rocks down my pants.. and well Apparently Im a rock whore..ah haha.. that was a good night.. and then we just kinda chillaxed at my house.. and got to listen to my brother make stupid comments, and talk to his bike. but hey, HEs COOl! :) My foods here!

My hourse ran into some wires, and cut his leg real bad. So I wasn't allowed to see him, not even allowed to spoil him.. it sucked. My family also had cutten my hair while I was zoned out like crazy.. I had too many things on my mind, and without noticing, I guess I had aggreed to a hair cut.. so now... its about 3 inches shorter. Well I can't wait until next year. I'll have my back yard completely done, and that means bonfires, tanning, parties, and even campouts will be all at my house.

Okay... it is my MM software class right now, and I am updating for a very goood reason. I am going away to my lake today.. and I am leaving around 5:00.. Yesterday.. I did something bad.. and I know it. I never ment to kiss that boy. I never even seen it comming. I was helping him with his homework....and then it just kinda happened... I wish you would forgive me.. You dont know how much you mean to me. LIke before science I almost bursted out crying, because you didn't say Hi to me.. not even a glance or even look. When I found out you had found about the whole thing that had happened.. I cryed. I couldn't stop crying. When i had to talk to you, it was the hardest thing for me in the world. ..You honestly dont know how much you mean to me. ....If it means anything to you.. I love you. ..happy Thanksgiving people

Oh yah bitches!! IM soo fucking pumped right now. Im goign to the Hedley concert in like.... 2/3 hours!! Im in MM Soft. right now, and I asked my mother If i could ditch last class to make it early...since it is rushed seating :D....She said Yah!!! IM so effing excited... im going to bring.. 45$ so that I can buy a sweater.. maybe. I hope so. i really want a sweater for the winter :D My week so far has been alllright.. I mean like... I dont want to complain... but I really wanted a guy to ask me out last night.. but he didn't.....So i guess I'll keep waiting. Today in the library... I kinda got kissed by some one! :O I can't believe I did it too!! but it wasn't anything big.. Just twice.. and NO tongue. So whats really wrong with that? would he really hate me?

Dear Diary, Yesterday I didn't even want to look at Him But after schol he had came over, and I couldn't even think of being mad at him, and plus..he said sorry and gave his "exuse" but I some what believe him. For the past couple of days he has been giving me an e-mail everyday, telling me what is on his mind, of course I e-mail him back. yesterday he sended me an e-mail all about sorry's and how he wouldn't wantme madat him.. and then today, when I had signed onto the computer, He had sent me another e-mail around 4 in the morning. It made me feel like I have fallen in love all over again. I love it when he hold me, just ever so tightly... yest not tight.. Just enough to know that it was only the two of you, and no one else could disturbe it. well hey... 5 days, and 9 and a half hours left until HOCkey!

Fuck. I don't like burger king. and I dont like boys. At least right now, I feel like I dont even want to look at any guy I look at or come acroos... except i this school it is impossible, because all the guys here are so frigging hot..and all my flipping teachers are guys. okay. Wow. what an ass. He was suppose to hang out with Justine at spare, but he ditched her. last night I invited him to come to Subway with me... and well I thought he was sick, so i was going to call him and see how he was doing.. but like soon as we sit down and starrt eating our subs. I looked out the fucking window. There he was. Him and his fag friend. GOD. I felt so fucking rejected! I wanted to cry, but I didn't because I was with Justine, Em, Mel, and Bre. and then all these hot guys and pretty girls were there too... so after when we finish our subs, Justine and Em walked to burger king... and we sat with them. I didn't even look at him. I didn't say anythign at all. and then when I was walking to my MM class, I walked RIGHT past him. grr. I want to cry, and I want to scream but I also want to be right there with him in his arms... ...God I love that child. but I also dont know what to do.... ...I am so hopeless.