haha i completely forgot about this thinggg? just felt like writing one. goooodbye

yea so.. idk im not really into this diary thing anymore. i usually say that and then end up coming back to it in like a month so that could be possible. but for the time being im just bored with this thing. peaceee out homies.

lots of drama the last two dayssss. cutie and ryan, me and mark, me and bry, me and brittany, jess and chad sorta? plus im sure theres more oooh gosh, too much. i guess the one is kinda a "good drama" if theres such thing? gosh people have mixed feelings all over the place. including me. ill never understand "us" ok so anyways...today moms birthday so i went and gave her flowers at work. now i guess were having the family over tonight for cake and stuff. not too sure whats on the agenda for tonight? my girliessss havea big game tomorrowww! i think me and cutie are actually gonna go watch it. she said she would so im hoping that she will, she needs to keep herself occupied

mirduh slept here last night, cause we went to the movies with my friend mark and his friend. it was fun, we were supposed to go see 40year old virgin, but marks slow and by the time they got here we werent gonna make it. so we just went to go see skeleton key, which sucked by the way, dont go see it. so yea then after that we went to wendys(#6) and then just came back here. then the boys left and miranda helped me work on my myspace thing. so this morning we had to wake up at 8 cause she had practice and stuff and we had to walk down. its not really that far since i live not even 5 minutes from the school. its prolly a good 10min walk but it was kinda nice. we found jack ont he way:) her and her friends were walking too cause they had cheerleading, so it ended up not being that bad becides the fact thatit was 8am. its been really cold out lately and i dont like it. i feels like fall already and summers not over yetttt :( so lets see cutie gets her cute little car today:):) ive talked to bryan here and there. hes doing good, i guess he likes it alot. the good thing is that i dont miss him half as much as i thought i was gonna. hah i dont know if thats a good or bad thing. i think its cause it hasnt been long enough for me to notice hes gone. who knows

Caught in the vein headed for the heart of pain memories and tears remain and an old photograph of you and I I know its not much but it gets me by Life turns another page but I dont feel lonely cuz Im numb from pain your voice on the phone dont sound the same I try to sleep late just to pass the day Its a waste of time so I find a way To hold you in my dreams Some times its all I need Someday you wont be so far from me Till that day, youll be the man of my dreams Heres to the nights I thought Id never miss Smiles that were taken for granted And the taste of your last kiss The grief in our eyes As we tried to hold back our goodbyes Feels like Im ritted inside But your my blue skies my perfect little lullaby If times get rough All I have to do is try To hold you in my dreams Some times its all I need Someday you won’t be so far from me Till that day, youll be the man of my dreams ---------------------------------------- yea so...bryan left today:( i was with him for the whole entire day until he left so i guess that was good. as we know i hate saying goodbye, expecially to him, it sucked soo bad. hes coming home for our homecoming and he said maybe he'll be home even sooner then that for some weekend so the most it will be about a little over a month until ill see him again. it might not sound like much, but when your used to seeing the kid everyday for about the past 2 years, a month seems like forever. k well i need to go find something to do so i can keep myself busy.byee

ummm hiii. im waiting for kelsey to get her ass out of the shower at the moment, cause she got a job at RUE21 and we gotta go to the mall so she can fill out some papers and stuff i guess. soo lets see. last night was fun. douglas had a little shindig at his place. everyone was drunk and having fun so i guess that was good. it was kinda for lauren, like a going away party thing since all the seniors are gonna be gone in the next week. so thennn mikeytchir brought me and kels home and we just ended up passing out, i was so freakin tired. but as always i was soon woken up by the lovely phonecalls i get in the middle of the night from my drunk ex lover. how nice! so i think im going to new jersey for a day or two with patty and blair. patty wanted me to go so she didnt have to go alone,and blair said that if i was going she would go. so thats good cause i wasnt gonna go by myself. im not exactly sure whats going on with that, but if i do end up going were leaving friday and then coming back sometime on saturday. ooooh by the way..my little cutie got her car the other day! we went to see it the other night. so so cuuute. its going to be the cutie mobile. we already decided:)

yup, this is where it all starts. our boys are starting to leave. tonights mikeys last night here in endwell. he leaves early tomorrow morning for brockport. they all start leaving from here on which is really sad. its gonna be a start to some very sad next couple weeks. mikes basiclly bryans best friend, even though those 2 fight like its their job. but yeaa lol, ive known mikey just as long as ive known bryan, actually the first dayi met bryan he was with mike. so mikes pretty much been a huge part in my life for the last 2 years. all those times, me bry kels and mike plus all the others, woww. but so today was a good day i guess. me mikee kels and tomball went out to eat at quiznosss, then we called steve then all of us went to play minigolf and then it was hott so we went up to mikes and swam at his house. so even though its sad i guess it was a fun last day with him. sooo jess is here now, and were gonna go to bens in a little while so everyone can say their last goodbyess..oh dear, this isnt gonna be good. i guess its not that bad, its not like were not everrr gonna see him again. its just gonna be a long time, which is weird cause were used to them always being around and always being able to hang out with them whenever we want so its just gonna take some getting used too.

alright sooo..last night me and blair planned to go to the movies to go see dukes of hazzard, because jessica simpson is my idol and i love her:) so anyways we planned to go see that with like mike and kels too but then mike decides hes gonna go with bryan. the annoying part about that was that bryan was with danielle for once last night(he hasnt been with her much lately) and bryan knew that i was gonna go see that. so next thing i know bryan and a shitload of all these other ppl are going to see it too at the exact time. so what started off as just me blair ryan kels and maybe mike, ended up with paul danielle bryan mike and idk that was just annoying. so we get there and bryan knew i was pissed. he was like waving to me being a shit as usual. so idk anyways the movie was cute, i liked it. cept i started to get wicked sick. i really almost puked at one point...idk why i just had a really bad headache and it started to get really bad. so i had to go to the bathroom cuz i honestly thought i was gonna lose it in the theatre, and that wouldnt of been good. so i stayed in there for a bit and i started to feel a little better after a while. so me and kels went home with just ryan and blair after and i came home and went to bed pretty early cuz i didnt feel good. soo this morning jess came over cuz we wanted to lay outside for a little. but we didnt end up doing that, so we got kels and then they had to go to the track for some soccer thing. so i wathched laguna beach cuz i taped it the other night:):) my fav show in the whole wide world, and im in love with talan soo yea gotta work 430-8 today. then me and mirduh gotta babysit the graves laterrr so hm that should be fun?

ok so..about 3 night ago now i slept over my little cutiesss because the next morning we had to go get ryan from the airport in albany and we had to wake up wicked early. so that night i find out something because im just wicked smart like that and its kinda scary how well i know bryan. so i figured i would confront him about it, so i did and come to find out i was right. hmm imagine that. sooo he came home cuz he was out at icehouse and kept calling me to come downstairs to talk cuz i was sleeping with blair. so finally after freakin 15 mins of calling me and annoying me i went down there so we could talk. basicly i freaked out, he felt bad, said he was sorry, i freaked out some more, he got upset, i calmed down, he spills his heart? so that turned into a 2 hour convo..of stuff that i reallly didnt need to hear. ive done so good the last couple months on my own without him and then he does that. as much as i dont want him too, i really cant wait till he leaves. he stresses me out to the maximum even though he doesnt mean to, he always manages in his own way. hopefully in college he'll do alot of soulsearching and change his ways ---"someday" ok sooo on a different note--- me and cutie had to wake up at like 745 that next morning to get ready to go and get ryan. so i ended up getting a whole 3 hours sleep that night, which might i add was just wonderful?not. ryans flight came into albany at like 12ish, and it takes a good 2 hours to get up there, which was the reason we had to leave so early. but that road trip up was fun. me pats and cutie. haha i lovee them, there honestly almost like my second family. ok so anywho we got to the airport and it was complete madness there. we always have the best luck with airports i swear! the parking lot was completely full so we drove around for a good 5 mins before we actually find a parking spot. so when we finally did, this bitch comes outta nowhere and takes it! hah so blair flicked her off, of course! and the girl got pissed and w.e. sooo we finally get a spot, get ryan, and came back home. ooh ryan that cutie, let me tell you hes something. soo after we got home me jess and mirduhh went to the speidie fest...which brings me to my last 2 days! ---sooo we hung out there all night. it was fun, we saw/ met alot of people including my love for the last 3 summers, jeremy. he works there and i met him 3 summers ago and no lie, hes the hottest kid ive ever seen in my life. so every year we kinda hang out and stuff, but the last 2 summers ive boyfriends, first one i was with dom..and the others with bryan. so that was always kinda hard cuz he always wanted to hang out and i couldntt. so yea i have his number now and he has mine anddd he wants to hang out so maybe thats a possibility? :) so hmm...we watched these black guys do this awesome like acrobat show thing..it was pretty cool. and me jess and mirduh got a picture with one of the guys 8-)...so we just kinda walked around and hung out all night, me jess mirduh and my cuzzz vince. oh speaking of vincee..haaa oh man, WHAT UP JESSSS ;) ok enough of that for now..anywhoooooo we went home and slept at mirduhs that night. we didnt end up doing anything like we planned. i passed out around 12 considering i had 3 hours of sleep the night before. so mirduh and jess woke me up and we were up for a little, then we just went to bed. soon to be woken back up at 330 cuz chad called, and at 4 when bryan decided to call. lol those dumb boys. k sooo..yesterday i was with my dad for most of the day. jess and mirduh went early to the speidie fest, and they ended up meeting aaron carterrrr and jared cambell cuz my uncle is security there, so he hooked them up. i wasnt there yet so i missed all that. so when i got there we just hung out and walked around. we left at 9 so jess could bring her car back, then we went to go see blair and everyone there. thennnn went to jess'..went to my house...watched forrest gump with ryan and blair...bryan called, talked to him for a while...thennnn went to sleep! and holy shit im tired of typing..but yes thats been my last few days, craziness i tell ya, but hey what can ya do? so i guess this will teach me to write more often so i dont have to do this anymore. hah alright im gone.

whore.whore.whore.whore.whore. thats all i gotta say. your a whore, always have been, always will be. and FYI..secrets dont stay secret forever. and i know your secret hes no better. i made sure he knew that too. and he does now...that convo ended up turning into him spilling his heart out? never ever ina million years expected to hear what i did. wow. ---"someday"

me jess and kels went to go see kelly clarkson last night. wow i love herrr..it was a really good concert we had alot of fun. it woulda been a little better if it was a little longer and we were a little closer, but what am i complaning aboutt it was kellly! so yea that was a ton of fun..then we came home and bryy wanted to come over cuz he burned me Mr. and Mrs Smith to watch..and then he bought us pizza:):) haha so that was good..then kels jess me and him all just hung out here all night and talked and shit.. but it was goooood. soo yea today iwas with my dadddy which was good cuz i missed him. we went swimming and stuff. now im home waiting for kels to call me and then i think im going to her house. mirduhs there i think already..i gotta call jessssieboo and see what that hoes up too! having some other issues with someone right now. not bryan for once..but yea..he thinks i Lied to him? and i didnt? and now hes wicked mad at me and idkk :-/ p.s i loveee when cool ppl like to leave comments?!!

haa yes we ARE going to see kelly clarkson tonigtt..me jess and kels. and im getting excitedd! KELSEY FINALLLLY GOT HER ASS HOME TODAYYY:) and iam very excited about that too cuz i havent seen her in almost 2 weeks? ..mirduh should be here soon then me her and jess are gonna head to the mall fora bit..then its off to see miss kelly:) hmm intesting chat with shithead today..lol hesss somethin..

hmm so today me jess and mirandaaa were at the mall for a little, cuz miranda had a interview at mandees so we dropped her off and me and jess had to leave cuz we had to babysit at 2... ..haa soo as we were leaving these guys from owego came up to us and we were kinda lke heyy? then they frickin followed us the whole way home and it was kinda scary. so we finally stopped and ralked to them and the ones pretty damn hott actually..his name was adam something so we got their numbers and then we had to tell them how to get home cuz they were lost from following us..crazy mofos. yea so idkkk that was kinda weird. but so me and jess are babysitting right now, shes got soccer at 5 and i gotta babysit again at 530-9ish. buhh bye!

hm lets see..def. havent really done anything today but take a shower, get ready, hang out with cutie for a little and then i cleaned my disgusting room that needed to be tended too! mirduhs coming over in a little bit i think..even though she said that a hour agoo, jess is working, and my lil kliz got sick from STUPID CAMPINGG so shes napping at the moment. me and jess went to chenz's last night and hung out with vincee and his girlfriend katie and her friend becca..and then dougy, alex, mattpowell and glowa. thennn me and jess came back to my house and benny and mikebatta. came over and we went to go get dunkin donuts at 230am? yes good timesss. so yes i never thought i would say this but i think i like danielle?(bryans girlfriend thing)we finally settled our differences and now she like calls me for advice and shit? idk its kinda weird but now that ive talked to her and stuff i think i like her. yeaa but bryan def doesnt like that one. he freakkkked out on me yesterday and we got in the biggest fight cuz he told me he doesnt want us talking..which is too bad cuz were gonna anyways? last i checked he wasnt telling me who i can and cant talk too sooo too bad:) but i take it hes not mad at me anymore cuz he told me he made my CD that he promised today soo yay. ok gotta gooo byebye

usually your supposed to go for guys that dont have girlfriends right? but not you, you just cant get enough of that shit can you. wow its not really any of my busniess i guess but i know how it feels to have to deal with this and i feel bad for any girls that have to deal with YOU ever again cause you just dont change. and i guess i was wrong to ever think you would. all i have tosay is thankgod i dont have to deal with that shit anymore. like ive said many times before..you BOTH have alot of nerve..even on his part.

k well its 2am..just got home from jackss. me cutie and jack all watched this lifetime movie called killing mr. griffin and its sad/scary and i just had to walk home by myself..in the dark and im kinda scared. it was about these kids who play a prank on this english teacher mr.griffin...they kidnapp him but accidently end up killing him and all this stuff happens and yea idk.it was good i guess but had a horrable ending. but yes had fun hanging out with my cutie and jaaack! omg i almost forgot..hahahaa oh god, jackie has these harry potter jelly beans and holy shit there so discusting. there were..dirt, grass,earwax, boogers, barf, earthworm, rotten egg, bacon, soap, pepper anddd i think thats it? me and jack tried all of then except barf and earthworm cuz there was no way i was eating that shit. i have to say that frickin rotten egg and bacon were the worst holy shit..i had to spit them out and jackie started gaging haha wowww then theres blair who cant even eat grasss..then theres me and jack eating frickin ear wax and boogers? lol ohhh jeeeez.

well lets see.. i have to work 3-745 todayy which kinda sucks and if im lucky they might let me out early butttt that never happens when i want too, they always send me home when i actually wouldnt mind staying but w.eee. but the brightside of that is im getting paid today, and thats always good:) hopefully doing something tonight maybe but you never know with people so we'll see. oh! and for the record im home writing this diary entry...MY COMPUTER FINALLY GOT FIXED:):)

hmm i decided to change up the diary a little, to make it a little summery? w.e its good enough for nowwww. ok so yea about kels leaving for the weekend? shes going camping..yes, CAMPING. haaa that should be an intersting time for her wouldnt you say? sooo that means its just me jess and duhhh for the weekend until that whore comes home sometime on sunday! i think jess might be staying with me this weekend actually, if i remember right. her parents are going out of town and so i guess were "babysitting" that little skank. hmm what else? not much new i guessss. just been chillinnn with some loserss. oh well, we have fun:) hm havent talked to shithead in quite some time now...wonder what hes been up too? ok enough for now..hopefully ill be getting my computer back soon so i can update more often. boooo to my little c :-/

yea thats annoying? "fuck what people expect of me or what people want from me I'm just gonna make myself happy from now on.. " amen sandra! ...think what you want.

alright so..i dont have a computer for the time being and its starting to get annoying. thats also part of the reason i forget this thing exists. sooo yea hmm i loooove summer, this ones def. one of the best. i have soo much to catch up on i dont even know where to start so maybe another day ill take the time to catch up with life on this thing lol. catch ya laterrrrr