I had one of those days were everything seems kind of far away. Almost like theres a wall between you and everything else in the world and you dont realize anything, you dont feel anything. I guess it was a bad day. I hate saying it because I know people who have it way worse but Im having such a horrible period in my life right now - then again - Im succeding more than I could have ever imagined with the band. We are actually getting somewhere, we are recording our CfuckingD, we are getting signed. I cant even begin to explain how amazing that is to me, thats what iv strived for forever. Its my dream come true. I feel like everyone is getting annoyed with me, I even annoy me sometimes. I feel like everyone wants me to go away, and Iv thought about it, I really have, I know that sounds really 5th grade but Iv thought about it. I cant deal with things at home, people dont understand......... I wassnt kidding when I say things have been rough. I havent slept alot in a while, I get a good 4 hours everynight probly. I want someone to hang onto, I have the best friends anyone could EVER have...but I mean a relationship, I want someone whos not a slut. who wont break my heart. who doesnt drink or do drugs. who will be attached to me in public. who will be a good girlfriend. I want someone to kiss under fireworks, I want someone to cuddle with for hours, I want someone who will just be on the phone for no reason, I want someone who keeps me on the edge of my seat, I want somebody that will be there for me. I want someone that I can hang onto when the world is going 5000 miles an hour around her and I but it doesnt matter because we are smack in the middle of it all, hugging and kissing and the only thing keeping each of us going is the other person. I want someone like that....so bad........but I cant, the band is going somewhere and Ill be gone off n on for long periods of time, thats a good thing tho. I dont know why Im so bummed. My therapist says Im depressed. I need to shake this off. Im sick of putting on the smiley happy act everyfuckingday.