its almost 4am. another night of not getting enough sleep, not that i care anyways. My days are empty, my nights are empty. everytime im around a keyboard, silence and the nightsky i know im ready to pour some bitter emo life crisis crap. i know a lot of people feel this way, I might the one to not be afraid to say it out loud, but everytime you face your conscience at night you ask yourself the same damn questions i do. So who's truly my friend? You might have a true REAL friend who sticks by you and understands you and blah blah blah but i dont. And what are you gonna in your life? I sure dont know. or i know, but im too afraid to proceed. Am I good enough, am I good at all? Why is it so hard to accept myself or get people to accept me for who I am? Well im the best motivational speaker you will ever meet. Im good at telling people how great and precious they are, how unique they are, how im always there to listen. But i dont think that of myself, i think im not good enough. Im too this, too that, im never what people expect. I disappoint everyone around me, i piss people off. Im odd and awkward and dont like to be rude but come off as rude for trying to be polite. I cant identify with anyone my age[18] because they seem to live in this senseless era. i cant even express my feelings because i dont want to bore anyone, or maybe because there isnt anyone there to listen to the kinda nonsense i can offer. I hate peer pressure. I dont like to be sensitive, but im traped in this crazy enviroment i dont understand. Im lost, i dont know what to do. I dont know who to look up to. I want to be somewhere different, but something inside me is telling me that no matter where i am i wont get to be happy.

I want to be able to BE who i am, who i know resides inside me, without the constant fear of being judged by everyone else. I know that judgement shouldnt be an obstacle. I know, i know, i know. theories are my specialty, but i dont know how to live them.