ok so i haven't written in this journal in like a year because i couldn't find the link and suddenly i had the brilliant idea of looking it up on google and it cam up..... WOW!!! yeah i'm in my 4th period doing absolutely nothing.i want to go home i'ts the last day of school before winter break and i have no idea why i actually came. i should;ve just gone home. wow, when i got on here, i had no more friends.lol. now i have to find my friend's journal's all over again. crap, what a great day it's been. so here's a recent picture of me. hope you people like it.

OK so remember that one guy i was talking about on my last entry??? The one that i wasn't ready to go out with yet??? Ok, so now we got back together again..and this time i'm actually ready.

Today i broke up with my b/f of two days. We've been dating for a while but we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend two days ago. Today when he called me i told him that i wasn't ready to be with someone just yet. I really like him but i don't like him enough to be with him. You know what i mean? Maybr i'm just evil.

Ok so, i'm sorry i haven't written in such a long time... So many things have happened lately. my b/f and i broke up, my other friend maryam left, i found out i have a skin disorder called "vitiligo", and i fucking hate the holidays. I don't think things could get any worse. I just wish that somebody could release me from this hell of knowing that my time is running out.

ME= CRAZY. Irvin= SWEET MOM= Crazy as well DAD= Deadbeat Karen= Funny Melissa= Gone Ghetto= Conceided Maryam= Slutty :) Oh well, i have nothing to do right now. Sorry i haven't written lately. I went to the UCLA vs. San Diego Aztecs game yesterday. I got sunburned real bad. I went with my cousin, uncle, and my dad. It was fun.

I know i know, it's been awhile... Where have i been?? Grounded... that's where. Parents sometimes suck! Oh well... I'm good. I started school, I have a boyfriend,Irvin, and i love my friends. Yup... it's all good!Here's a picture of me and Irvin!

So, I'm gonna be in Maryam's sweet fifteen. I'm her "bridesmaid" in spanish they call them "Damas". They're not really a bridesmaid they're just in the ceremony. I feel so special. And that's why i'm so nervous. It's in less than two days away. Thanks to Leo i found out how to post pictures!!!! YAY!!! I still haven't talked to Melissa. I wish she were here. It sucks not having her here. I really do miss her. Part of me still has hopes that she'll be here for maryam's 15th. But then part of me knows she's never coming back. I don't know if that worked.but i'm in the orange shirt. YEs, it's blurry. Here's another. That's me and Flory. Flory is my Salsa dancing partner at school. He's so funny! This is my close friend Michal! She's sooo funny! That's me,Allan,and Melissa in the blond hair. And finally this is Melissa and Maryam. My best Friends in the whole world. :)

Okayt so Maryam's 15 party is in 2 days. Am i nervous do you ask? Yes, i am peeing in my pants....Not really... but i am nervous.Someone teach me how to post pictures!!!!! Please!!!!?!!?!?!

My head aches so much.... I feel like i'm gonna die.Omg.... my feelings for Irvin have increased. ::sighs:: It will probably happen... i hope. :) I'm supposed to be working on some wierd shit but, don't feel like it. I haven't talked to Joe.... i don't think i'm going to anytime soon. Maybe i'll see him around at the beach.... i probably will. But, I dunno. I miss my old phone... i hate prepaid. It totally sucks....Oh Well. I wonder..... if.... nevermind. I wish i couls stay longer but i have nothing to write.

Ok..... so i can understand that everybody has an enemy or someone that doesn't like them. But to write a comment on their Sit is just plain STUPID. I could care less what people think about me. So they can ust Fuck Off And KISS MY ASS! On to another topic.... I just got back from the promenade. i went with Irvin... i was supposed to go with ghetto, Karell, Aeryl, And Irvin, but they all decicded not to go. So it was just me and Irvin. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad i went. No, I haven't talked to Joe. He hasn't called me. But oh well, it probably wasn't going to work out anyways.... He lives in Van Nuys.I'm really starting to like Irvin. It's just that... i dunno. He's breaking up with Marla. He said he's been wanting to. But i don't want him to break up with her because of me. I'm not a homewrecker. I mean i don't really talk to Marla, and it seems that whenever they're together... she totally ignores him. He says she doesn't treat him right. So? What should i do? I mean... i had a crush on him before he even started going out with Marla. He's ghetto's cousin so they were always together when i was with Ghetto. I told him about how i felt. He said that he was gonna break up with Marla tonight. He already asked for a break. We Kissed. Several times. And i swear.... i felt so happy. I'm a evil because of that?

I saw the dresses yesterday... you know, for the Quincianera. You wanna know what i first thought when i saw them??? "omg!This is soooo gay!" They're baby blue, AND shiny. MY God! What were they thinking. Oh well, oh yeah and what sucks the most is that i can't take that dress off at all. So when i'm dancing i'm gonna be suffocating.UGh! I miss Melissa. She missed the measuring of the dresses, which made me realize...... she's not coming back. Her dad is such an asshole, and i don't understand why. Well, probably because of his girlfriend. I haven't talked to Joe... i'm losing interest.... he's so far away. Van Nuys. Ugh! I hate long distance relationships. I dunno..... My mom called me while i was at practice yesterday. She was crying saying that she thinks it's her fault why Melissa left. I told her it would've happened sooner or later. That she had nothing to do with it.I love my mom a lot. I hope she knows that. I'm gonna go to the park with Ghetto later. I'll be home like at six thirty. yeah... that'll be fun. It would've been better if Melissa was here.

I guess i shouldn't really care. FRiends come and go. But she was always the one that i did stuff with. We went to the beach every Sunday....you know stuff like that. Oh well, i guess i have Maryam now. Even though my mom doesn't really like her. ::sigh::

Great... it's all over. Now i truly am alone. My best friend in the whole wide world left this morning. Melissa, went back to Oakland. Without any fucking warning. Her dad made her leave... claiming that she was as he said... "Out of control". I know for a fact that the fucking bitch girlfriend of his made him send her back. Everything i touch or start getting attached to turns to shit. I have a fucking curse.... I own the curse. It's just a part of me. My best guy friend... left two years ago....he moved away. My best friend in Third grade faith, moved away... also without any warning... and Adriana stopped talking to me and won't tell me why. My mom told me last night that she also noticed. That all my friends leave me behind... not because they want to but because they have to. ::sighs:: This sucks... we made so many plans to move in together.... damn, i jynxed it. Like always.. I hate this.

I kinda wanna cut my hair shorter.... but in the end i always regret cutting my hair. Oh Well. Yesterday i stayed home. The 4400 Marathon was on yesterday on channel 40. I watched it ALL day.It is such a good show....to bad they won't show it anymore. Yesterday was the finale. Yup, i so wanna buy the season on DVD. LOL. About the whole tounge thing.... i feel better.I was still kinda dizzy yesterday. I was supposed to go Jermaine's Birthday party(my ex from 8th grade), but i didn't go. I was tired and i didn't wanna go to venice beach. For once! Sad thing is that i didn't get to see Joe. ::sighs:: I miss him. I'll call him when i get home. He called me when i was at Magic Mountain. I told him what happened and he was really worried. I'm at school right now, in computer class. I saw Irvin when i walked in the school. He asked how i was doing. I told him i was fine. He was waiting gor Marla(his g/f). And it was weird because when she got there and they left....i got kinda jealous. I mean, he helped me alot at Six Flags. He had me lean on him when we were walking. He had his arm around me. And to see his arm around her kinda made me feel sad. I don't know. He's my best guy friend's cousin. LOL. I'm so stupid. Anyways.... i really like Joe and yeah... I miss him. I'm sure he was at Venice Beach and i'm sure he's gonna be sad that i didn't go. But he knows i was still weak. Now i have to wait until Maybe Tuesday or Thursday to see him. I can't wait until 15 practice. The party is in two weeks.... not that far away. I can't wait!

Yeah so i went to Magic Mounatin yesterday with Maryam, Melissa, Ghetto, Irvin, And little Gio. In the beginning it was so much fun... we went on Scream, Goliath, And a whole bunch of other rides... then when we were all waiting in line to get into Freefall....My friends made a joke and i laughed really hard. When i was laughing.... Irvin was like, "Let me see your tounge!" So i showed him..... "It's bleeding A LOT!" i touched my tounge and saw a grip of blood on my finger... I freaked out.... So Maryam, Melissa,And I went to the bathroom to look at my tounge. I was rinsing my mouth out and my tounge was bleeding really heavy Then when i spit out the water.... The water was blood red. Then it stopped... for a while... So i took out my piercing. But then i lost all feeling on my tounge... so it didn't hurt anymore. That was a bad sign.... so i was really scared, freaked out, dizzy,weak, and i felt like i was going to faint. I didn't go on any rides for a while. So my friend irvin took me to first aid. And right when i got there... It started gushing blood again. So i went to the sink and started rinsing out my tounge again... It was bleeding way more than before. The guy put a Gauze on my tounge and told me to put pressure on it so the bleeding would stop. It hurt like a bitch putting pressure on it. I used two gauzes and each one was soaked in blood. I was fucking scared... seeing all that blood made me faint.I woke up on one of the beds....There was blood all over my shirt and pants. The bleeding had stopped. He gave me a pill to feel better... and he told me that it would probably bleed again.... but not to worry, just to keep it clean until it heals so that it doesn't get infected. After i left the first aid building, I felt better. So my friends and i went to The Go-Carts. So we raced to gether. It was fun.It didn't bleed again... well, just little spots of blood but nothing heavy anymore. I must've lost a lot of blood. I'm still kinda weak from losing blood but, i'm better now. From now on... i will never pierce my tounge again.

What is your favorite..gum:Big Red restaurant:don't know.... drink:Coke..simple... season:Summer type of weather:Hot As Hell emotion:Care-free thing to do on a half day:..... late-night activity:go out in the city... sport:softball city:L.A. store:LOL..are you serious??? When was the last time you..cried:Two nights ago. played a sport:When i was trying out for softball laughed:When my mom said " DickFace" hugged someone:15 mins ago = my mom kissed someone:Sunday felt depressed:2 nights ago. felt elated:..... felt overworked:Today during 1st period... faked sick:never... lied:today to my mom... What was the last..word you said:tomorrow thing you ate:milano cookies song you listened to:love song- 311 =gay! thing you drank:Coke place you went to:school movie you saw:can't remember movie you rented:Love Actually concert you attended:Kiss Who was the last person you..hugged:my mom cried over:Johnathan kissed:Joe danced with:Melissa shared a secret with:Melissa had a sleepover with:Melissa called:Ghetto went to a movie with:Melissa saw:Henry were angry with:can't remember couldn't take your eyes off of:Johnathan... obsessed over:John..though i wouldn't really call it obsessed... Have you ever..danced in the rain:Yes... kissed someone:Yes done drugs:yes drank alcohol:yes slept around:yes partied 'til the sun came up:nope...want to... had a movie marathon:no gone too far on a dare:yes.. spun until you were immensely dizzy:oh yeah! taken a survey quite like this before:nope The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!EmotionDump - 100% Anonymous Emotions and Confessions

I only have fifteen minutes to write an entry. I was actually working in computer class. I'm behind in work. So now i'm in the school's library typing this. My tounge still hurts. I still can't believe i pierced it! I went to 15 practice yesterday. Michael was there. Everyone noticed that we were flirting. I tried giving him a titty twister that didn't work. But he did manage to pick me up and give me a kiss on the cheek. It felt like heaven. But i'm with Joe now. I'm not that kinda girl. I would never do that... you know cheat. Oh well, the bell just rang. I gotta go. LoveYa!!!!

For those of you who don't know about why i'm aching..... it's because i pierced my tounge and it's still really swollen. Yup..... let me just say that i haven't eaten a real meal since Sunday. Just yesterday i took out my piercing so i could eat and when i was done i put it back in. It hurt so bad. I know i'm not supposed to do that but, i had to eat. All i've been eating was Soy Milk and Smoothies. And that does not fill me up. So... yeah, it hurts. Today is 15 practice. I can't wait. My baby called me yesterday.... He's so sweet. I'm buying a camera then taking pictures of him and me so i could post them up. I walked into school today and Irvin asked me if anything was wrong. I was like, "why does it seem like i'm sad or something???" he said that i don't look like myself. He's right.

Great...for comp. class i have to write a newsletter. Didn't we do that the day before yesterday?!??! Everything's the same. It's like a pattern. From when i wake up to when i go to sleep. I think the same, i act the same, i speak the same, and so on and so forth. I swear.... it's a itch i'm waiting to scratch. Doesn't anyone understand that i'm numb??!?!? i can't think straight! I get all these ideas.... I'm very pessimistic. Even Melissa asks me: "why are you so negative?The world isn't that fucked up.!" Yeah but it isn't fair! I just.... i don't know. I guess everyone goes through that. But somehow this has lasted for so long. It doesn't go away... And me still not getting over the fact that john broke my heart doesn't help... ::sigh:: Some people are so lucky they don't even realize it. I should go now...i gotta work on my newsletter. P.S.> My tounge still hurts.... and i told my mom about it. She wasn't mad..... Since i've already done it. P.P.S> Give me hugs people!!!!!

I'm too lazy to finish the syrvey... it was fun though. LOL. My mom took off i-mesh. SO all of my 84 songs i downloaded are gone. Great life right? Oh well. I'm gonna get my own computer so i'll re-download it.oh well, my friend Erick from Texas is coming. I can't wait until he gets here. We are gonna have sooo much fun. Ok so.... now i'm chatting with him and Karen. Yeah we're really stupid.