i really like writing in this journal. it just feels so private and personal, even though anyone can read it. maybe i'll do it more often. more likely than not, that won't happen. lately i just don't know how i've been feeling. i've been feeling a lot of things at once. unfortunately they're not the best feelings. to start off, i've felt kind of lonely. just a general kind of lonely. i keep feeling like i'm drifting away from my friends, or more like they're drifting away from me. i constantly feel like i put more of an effort into spending time with them than they put in to spend time with me. as of right now, i feel like all of my friendships and relationships in general are just one-sided. i've also been stressed out. my family just always has this way of putting me into these situations where i just feel like i'm letting someone down. i originally had plans to move in with my aunt and uncle in boston, and i was really excited for it, but then my dad decided that we weren't going to move from this house until a month after we originally planned to do so. which put me in the situation of not wanting to disappoint my aunt and uncle, but not wanting to hurt my dad either. i think i just worry about things more than they need to be worried about. back on the subject of lonely, i've felt incredibly unattractive lately. not just appearance wise, but generally speaking. [i guess i'm a generally a pretty general person.] i think all of these things are just a part of my extreme anticipation. i'm looking forward to school so much. just the chance to start fresh, make new friends, meet new people, control my own life and have my biggest worry be what time i'm going to dinner and when i can fit that paper into my schedule. it's just relieving to think about. i'll stop blabbering now. i know i probably seem like a pessimistic mess, but i'm really not. i'm just having a hard time with life right now. i hope everyone is doing well and is enjoying their summer. sincerely, caroline