relationships are difficult,
and i feel lost now that i've ended mine.
i have nowhere to sort my thoughts,
i have to resort to this.
it doesn't matter anyway.
i think i've made a mistake.
oh no. that scares me. i'm sorry you if you made a mistake. and if you didn't, i'm sorry it's so hard. i can empathize. i don't know what to do. i know if i make the decision i think is the 'right' one and it ends up being wrong i won't be able to go back to it. i will just have to keep on truckin' and ugh, if i do make that decision i have to go through with it at the worst possible time, days after a death and before my birthday. it's going to
suck for both of us. i don't want to leave him. but i don't know if i want to move, either. we can't do long distance. we aren't on the same page. i'm so unsure of everything. i know i care about him. but i don't know if i'm mistaking feelings of lust, convenience, and adoration for love when really they are just what they are and perhaps nothing more. but what if they are. and i ruin that. ugh. i'm retarded. sorry.
don't be sorry sweetheart, i feel the same way. it is very nice to have someone who can relate in a sense. yea, i was just talking to him on the phone (because he is in michigan right now for a funeral) and i told him i don't know if i want to move to michigan and it's really stressing me out because i know where that would leave us and he said not to worry we didn't have to go. that was nice to hear. we will see what happens when he gets back.
thanks and i really hope the best for you as well. i'm still anxious of what is to come and living with him and stuff or if we break up because we just want different things and he isn't the type for plans which is complete opposite of me, as spontaneous as i am capable of being i also like to plan things out to the t. especially when it concerns my well-being. meh. i don't know. i am tired and tired of stressing, haha. and i don't know what
awh yay, thank you. i wore my sandals because i decided comfort was a necessity and my favourite heels are difficult to manage with a sprained ankle.. but it was okay, my sandals matched, haha. i never know what to wear, ever. i change like fifty times before i leave my house. and then usually come back and change again. but yea, ouch, living with the ex sucks. i just lived with my ex (girlfriend) for 3 months after our breakup. it was torture.
hopefully your experience is MUCH much better than what i went through. but the fact that she cheated on me with someone in our group probably was a large contribution on why i had such a hard time continuing to sleep in the same bed with her. so... yea, it was tough. and i didn't have the heart to kick her out on the street (it was my place, not hers)... but she became a leech and stopped paying rent so whuddya gonna do. i went to alabama to
learn how to distance myself from her (we lived in cali)... took an 18 day vacation... it helped a lot but every time i see her i still kind of melt. it's that whole first love thing. but anyway, i'm rambling. it's because i'm tired and i drank too much sangria. goodnight. haha.
that is good if you can maintain a friendship with him, even if it does take some time to learn to adjust from lovers to friends. jack and i could not be friends, but my ex girlfriend and i are somewhat friendly, we are cordial. yea, i sprained my ankle like last november and it never healed properly so i keep re-spraining it, it's like permanantly fucked up. oh well.
let me know if you need to vent. <3