ok so I've been reading my journals from when I started on here and I actually remember everything I was talking about. It's weird to see how far I've come in a year it seems like those things were forever ago. Like seriously I can't believe in between the times that I wrote in here a whole relationship started, went well, then crashed and burned.It's kinda scary how ast time actually goes. I miss how easy things used to be. Like really they weren't that easy but I know things are gonna get harder for me next year. I know it sounds kinda weird to say but I just want to grow up, even tho in some situations I long for how easy it used to be when we were young. No pressure, just a friendly time, not a committment. It's all bullshit. Is it wrong to want a real apology that doesn't sound laced with guilt that I've infused into them. I want him to actually feel sorry but I'm pretty sure thats the longest shot in hell that I have right now. I've also decided that even tho my relationships end up good, I push them to be assholes cause then I can have a reason to hate them in the end. And then I rebound with the absolute hottest, nicest, sweetest guys ever but I'm at that point where a boyfriend is the absolute last thing I want. So basically I'm just fucked in the head. I think a shrink would be a good investment for me. So on a lighter note it was my birthday last week. I got an ipod from my parents. We also were in the states at midnight when I turned 18, and we were staying at this sweet hotel with a casino so at midnight I went gambling. I know the age in the states is 21, but this hotel is on a reserve in Thief River Falls so the age on teh reserve is 18, so yeah. So at midnight I walked into the casino with $24 ammerican and walked out with $100. Then I went the next morning before we checked out and walked in with $5 and walked out with $15. I was pretty happy, cause thats more money for my trip to Ireland fund (August 2006 baby!). So that night I went to the bar got incredibly hammered and went in the show your underware contest at the bar. I had a fucken awesome night. I really like the bar but I haven't gotten to go back because I'm ppor and would rather go to Ireland...lol. K so it's 3 in the morning and I should probably go to bed. One last thing before I go...Kyle I will beat your ass and you know it. You're going down bitch! Luv ya anyway tho!...Cya!